Finding open hearts and homes

November is National Adoption Month and a time when many families celebrate how they came together. Yet many children in our community are still waiting to find their forever family—and many more simply need a family who will care for them during a brief season of their life.

The scope of the need easily overwhelms. In Kansas, 7,500 children are in foster care with fewer than 2,700 licensed foster homes, and the numbers are just as disproportionate in Missouri. The need is great, but the good news is there are many ways for everyone to get involved to make a difference in the lives of these children. Here are just a few:

Consider becoming a foster parent.

Kellie Hans Reid, director of communication and recruitment with KVC Kansas, says during the last five years, they have seen a 49 percent increase in the number of children in the Kansas foster care system. On any given day they have to find homes for about 90 children in the Kansas City area. And that’s just for the Kansas side.

Hans Reid says people often don’t realize the need is this great or even consider they potentially could be a foster parent. In fact, she says the main requirement is an open heart, and foster parents can be single, married, working, stay-at-home and of various ages.

Although fostering is a huge commitment, Hans Reid says anything worth investing time and energy in isn’t easy.

“We really are altering the course of a child’s life,” says Sarah Oberndofer, a foster mom from Basehor, KS. “No matter how long they stay with you, they see what it’s like to live in a family and what it’s like to be valued.”

Eudora mom Sarah Chrislip has been a foster parent for about six years. She says the experience has helped expand her family’s view of life, and her biological children are excited to make a difference. Chrislip says most people don’t realize the number of children in such need, and she herself didn’t understand the need until a family member began fostering.

Having an abundance of available foster families in each community is important so, ideally, children can be placed with someone who lives nearby or someone who even knows them.

“We would rather keep them with safe adults that know the child than move them to a stranger,” Hans Reid says.

Yet too often, lack of nearby foster families forces a further search for families. Oberndofer says in these instances, children are taken out of the county they are from and away from their connections, which adds additional trauma.

Not only does moving a child a significant distance require him to get used to a completely new setting, it also adds more travel time in order to be able to visit family members. Moving children out of their community also disrupts their education because they need to change schools as well. An abundance of foster homes would eliminate these issues, and agencies could more easily focus on finding a good match between foster parent and child.

Among some other requirements, becoming a licensed foster parent involves taking classes and completing a home study. On the Kansas side, KVC is a licensing organization. In Missouri, Foster Adopt Connect and Cornerstones of Care are licensing agencies.

Support foster parents.

Many families are able to become licensed foster parents, but not everyone is able to make that commitment. Even if they can’t, families can support foster parents in many ways.

Foster parents often find themselves feeling isolated when they take in the children, according to Hans Reid. Sometimes the people close to them retreat because they don’t understand foster care, or sometimes the number of children in the family becomes a barrier to being able to get together.

Overall, fostering is a big change to a family’s dynamic, which always presents challenges. To remedy this, Hans Reid, Chrislip and Oberndofer all agree that inviting foster families over for dinner, keeping them in your social circle and getting to know their kids is very important.

Chrislip says simple acts, such as encouraging a family if a child has a behavioral meltdown or offering to bring over food and gift cards, are a huge help. Oberndofer says foster children often have visits with their relatives in the evening, and having a meal provided on those evenings is helpful.

In addition to providing general support, people are also needed to provide respite. Put simply, sometimes foster parents need a break, Hans Reid says, and they need people willing and able to care for their children briefly.

Perhaps one of the best ways to support a foster family is to simply listen, be there for them through the process and ask them about their specific needs. As a result, you will undoubtedly learn more about the needs of children in the community.

Allison Gibeson is an adoptive mom from Lee’s Summit who loves to see children find their forever family.