Growing Up Online - The Time of Their Lives

This summer, millions of kids, many of whom you know, attended Camp Interactive. You know the one where they spent hour after hour with electronic devices--computers, video games, MP-3 players, cell phones, television. To some parents, it seems there’s hardly a moment when kids aren’t plugged in.

That’s not quite true. Last year the Kaiser Family Foundation reported that the typical American kid was consuming a staggering eight hours of media a day, though as the researchers were quick to point out it only took 6.5 hours of the day because kids were multitasking. For parents who think that sounds a little low, the data was collected in 2004 and didn’t include cell phones!

All this digital multitasking has captured the attention of researchers whose conclusions are anything but conclusive. Some think kids are fooling themselves about being able to do more than one thing at once and the quality of everything from friendship to homework is suffering as a result. Others admire the juggling capabilities of young people and believe they are learning skills they will need to manage an ever more complex and wired world.

For parents, this uncertainty makes it difficult to know how to guide kids. Setting strict limits on interactive time is one approach. The American Academy of Pediatrics says children under two shouldn’t have any exposure to media, and older kids should be restricted to 1 -2 hours of screen time per day. Timers are especially helpful for kids under ten. Although you can buy devices that will shut off the computer, TV or video game, most kids do fine with a kitchen timer. When it goes “ding”, headphones come out and the screen goes dark.

As kids get older, arbitrary rules about time often become counter-productive. For one thing, kids are different. For one, the chitchat of IM really is crucial to social development; for another, it’s away to evade other responsibilities. Kids also have different thresholds for interactive involvement. Some seem to thrive on multi-tasking; for others, too much media makes them stressed, cranky or even depressed.

In adolescence, kids experiment to figure out how digital devices fit into their lives, so they need a little latitude from parents. On the other hand, adults know how easily other activities are displaced by interactive pursuits. To a large extent, the role of parents is to point out, lobby for and, in some instances, insist upon these other ingredients that are essential for a good life.

Sleep. Kids who get enough sleep are more cheerful and do almost everything better, including performance at school. The National Sleep Foundation calls interactive devices “sleep stealers” both because they keep kids up too late and because their use creates a state of alertness that makes it harder for kids to fall asleep. To make going to sleep at a regular time easier, keep cell phones, video games and computers out of the bedroom.

Exercise. With a few exceptions like Dance Revolution, using interactive devices means sitting still and using your head instead of your body. Teach kids (by example if at all possible) that everyday should include physical exercise. Look for shared activities that are playful, exuberant, even joyful.

F2F time. Make face to face time a priority in your home. Research suggests that many kids crave more “fun time” with parents. Establish media free times when you can do things together without interruption. Obvious choices: dinner time (turn off the TV), game night (post a cute away message on the IM screen), and shopping (let the phones take messages). Look for serendipitous opportunities to unplug so you can share each other’s company while, for example, cooking a favorite meal, washing the car or playing with the family pet. In the car, don’t let headphones deprive you of drive time conversation. Hook MP3 players to speakers so you can enjoy music together.

Concentration. Multi-tasking can be a rush, but there’s also value in “flow,” the experience people have when they are so focused on what they are doing that they lose track of the outside world. Artists, athletes, surgeons and even video gamers describe this as a peak experience that’s possible only when distractions are minimized. You can’t create this experience for your child but you can point out its value. Also, encourage your kids to reserve some time for doing just one thing. Set aside time so that your kids can get “lost” in books, art projects and other activities.

Goals. Interactive devices can soak up time so there’s nothing left for things that really matter. From an early age, talk to kids about offline activities that make them especially happy or that they do unusually well. Help them keep track of responsibilities such as lessons, pets, chores and other projects. Discuss what they want and need to accomplish—during the day, during the week, during summer break or the school semester. When kids are holding larger goals in mind, interactive devices are less likely to become black holes for their time.

As parents, we may know the ingredients of a good life but we don’t necessarily know what proportions will work for our kids. You probably don’t set hard and fast rules about how much interactive time you’ll have each day. Instead, you let your interactive time ebb and flow, knowing you’ll be happiest when you can balance the responsibilities and interests in your life without letting one overwhelm the others. That happy sense of balance should also be your goal for your child. Camp Interactive may have been a very cool place to visit but nobody should live there!

Carolyn Jabs is a former Contributing Editor of Family PC magazine and mother to three computer savvy kids.