Help Kids Become Great Problem Solvers
Society’s constant press to be the best can lead us into a parenting fog. We’re so wrapped up in helping our children excel in school, achieve on the soccer field and connect with a good group of friends that we often forget to help our kids with essential skills they need most, such as problem solving. Problem solving isn’t a skill our children just naturally acquire, yet it’s a superpower that will help them succeed throughout their entire life.
For young children, play is one of the best ways to learn problem-solving skills. Did you know puzzles and shape sorters are classic problem-solving toys? Board games are also great, as they help kids think critically and detect patterns. Playing hide-and-seek also gives the brain a workout as kids think about where to hide or look. That’s because creativity is a big part of problem solving, so be sure to leave plenty of unstructured time for your little one to play and have freedom to roam. If a conflict happens with another child during playtime, don’t jump in right away. Instead, step back and allow your child space to figure it out. If he’s struggling, jump in and offer some solutions, such as taking turns or playing a different game.
Older children without the skills to solve problems when they arise may avoid the issue altogether, or they’ll simply end up making impulsive choices that create more problems down the road. But when given a clear formula for how to solve problems, they’ll feel more confident, manage their emotions, think creatively—and persist until they find a solution. Here are some great practices to help your children learn how to solve their own problems as they arise.
- State the problem. It may seem silly, but sometimes all it takes is stating the problem aloud so your child can hear it. This simple task can do wonders in helping kids who are feeling stuck and don’t know what to do.
- Develop solutions. Together, brainstorm ways to solve the problem. Not all solutions have to be good ideas. Help your child come up with ideas for solutions if he’s struggling. The key is to help him see that using a little creativity can help him come up with all kinds of solutions to problems, even if some are silly.
- Identify pros and cons for each solution. This will help your child point out potential positive and negative consequences for each solution he thought up.
- Choose a solution. Allow your child to select the solution he feels will best solve the problem.
- Try it out. Have your child test his solution and see what happens. If it doesn’t work, he can try another solution from the list that he made.
As you sit back and observe your child working her way through problem solving, restrain yourself from jumping in to help her. It may seem easier and faster to offer your help, but by doing so, you will be stifling her thinking or sending a subtle message that she isn’t able to do it on her own. Acknowledge her efforts and offer support. Sometimes all that’s needed is a simple nod, smile or thumbs-up. It’s also important to remember that just by sitting next to her quietly, you are communicating that you understand what she’s doing and know it’s important.
Remember, too, you can also help your child by modeling effective problem solving. When you encounter your own challenges, think out loud about your mental processes to solve problems. Give your kiddos the opportunity to help you with some of your own challenges you’re struggling to solve. Ask them for advice. This helps them understand that their ideas are valued, which in turn boosts their confidence to solve their own problems. At the same time, show them your willingness to make mistakes. It’s okay to encounter problems, and it’s okay if the first solution doesn’t work.
If you’re parenting tweens or teens, these strategies can be used with them as well. You probably hope they’ll come to you with their problems, but if you’ve already taught them the skills to solve their challenges, they may not need to. Empower them to be good problem solvers.
- Let consequences do the teaching. Your child will learn pretty quickly that if he doesn’t study, he’ll fail his tests; and if he doesn’t do his chores, he won’t receive an allowance.
- Work together to break down problems. If your child keeps forgetting her lunch at home every day, ask her why she thinks it happens. Brainstorm together and then offer solutions (e.g., placing a note on the front door that will remind her to grab her lunch before leaving).
- Weigh the pros and cons. Teach your child to evaluate the situation along with his options. Have him write out a list of pros and cons when he’s struggling to make a decision.
If your tween or teen is struggling with a peer, ask her how she thinks it should be resolved. Give her a chance to try it, and when you talk with her afterward, ask her if you can offer advice. Remember, though, it’s her right to take your advice or leave it. It’s very empowering to her.
When all else fails, bring your child—no matter what age—outside to play. Play is empowering and healing. Research has shown that problems get solved during play. Offer many activities that will take your kids’ minds off the problem at hand so they can refuel and approach things from a fresh, new perspective.
Three Creative Problem-Solving Activities for Kids:
- Fort Building – Provide your kids with pillows, blankets and chairs. Let them build the entire fort by themselves. If the fort falls over, allow your children to use their problem-solving skills to redesign it.
- Legos – Have your children build their names using Legos, create an animal habitat or build their grandparents’ house. Get creative and see what they can put together!
- Treasure Hunts – These can include riddles, rhyming clues or puzzles.
Mom and author Gina Klein lives in Kansas City with her husband and two daughters.