Helping Kids Manage Risk
"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship,” Louisa May Alcott once said. As parents, we want our children to dream big, but sometimes that means they have to face storms and take risks. Our tendency may be to shelter and protect them, but if we really want our children to soar, they will have to take risks.
“Think about what you hope for your kids when they are grown-ups. I want my kids to be happy and competent and productive. None of those things happen by accident. And sometimes, becoming productive or competent or even happy means trying something a few times, or even a few dozen, before I figure it out,” Beth Dusin, Liberty mother of two, says. “I want my kids to be able to be persistent in the face of adversity. So I have to let that happen and encourage them in the process of trying again.”
It can be easy to want to control everything they do. But letting kids take risks with easy things, like ordering a new food off the menu, or dyeing a streak of their hair with Kool-Aid or trying out for a new sport will form a comfort level with new things that will pay off as they get older.
“As parents, we have to develop comfort with the process of kids’ trying new things—new activities, new friends, new foods, new hairstyles—and figuring them out,” Dusin says.
Gail Stark, Liberty mother of two, had a difficult decision to make about moving from a small town in middle Missouri to a much bigger one in Liberty. It was a risk—from finding friends to more competition at tryouts—but because she’d built a comfort level with taking risks when the children were younger, her kids were okay with the move.
“In the long run, I am glad we moved here, as there were a lot more opportunities here for my kids,” Stark says.
Letting children take risks begins with the parents.
“I think most of the time it's the parents' fear of their kids’ failing that holds them back. It's painful to watch your kid fail, so you don't put them in positions where that's a possibility,” Jennifer Bilen, Liberty mother of three, says. “The kids can actually deal with it pretty well if the parents can. Kids seem like they're naturally inclined to take chances. The parents need to help them learn from the failures and make sure the kids know it's okay to fail. If the parent throws a fit and blames everyone else for the failure, the kid learns nothing.”
Knowing when to hold back and not try something is an important skill that needs to be taught, as well.
“I think talking honestly about goals is important, too. Parents sometimes tell their kids they can be good at everything when really they can't. It's like Atticus's closing statement in To Kill a Mockingbird: We're not really all created equally. My daughter Sophia is a great piano player, but she's terrible at sports. Could she be good at sports? Yeah. But she will have to work harder than her sister. The same is true for her sister and music. We each have individual talents and strengths, and that needs to be recognized as well,” Bilen says.
Jennifer Higgins is a freelance writer, mother and teacher from Kearney.