How to Recognize Unique Qualities in Your Kids

       As a mom of multiples, I have noticed they tend to get grouped together and referred to as “The Triplets.” This comes from people both in our family and outside it. Many assume that because one likes a certain food, they all do. Or if one enjoys a particular activity, they all love it. This is simply not the case. It can be hard to remember—especially if you have identical twins—that each and every child has his own unique personality and tastes. Those outside the family unit may have an even harder time remembering and recognizing. So how do you foster individuality in multiples and how do you help others recognize it as well?

            Treat them as individuals

            The best way to begin to appreciate the unique qualities of multiples is to treat them as individuals. Speak to each one-on-one about her day, her likes and her dislikes. Spend time separately with each child. Help others recognize twins as two separate people by dressing them differently. Encourage them to pick out their own clothing and choose items they prefer. Avoid referring to them as “the twins” but instead use both their names. Say, “I need to pick up Jack and Josh from school,” rather than, “I need to pick up the twins.” These habits will help others see them as two separate people.

            Choose activities they love

            Some multiples may all choose to play on the same soccer team, but in other cases one may love soccer, and another may prefer swimming. Allow the children to choose what activities they want to do, even if it means two separate activities entirely. This approach helps each develop his own natural gifts and personality. Pursuing a passion also creates a sense of identity for the child and help others see his unique qualities as well.

            Acknowledge their gifts

            Each child has different gifts and natural talents. Take note of these things as you play with your children. Just as any two siblings would have differences in development, interests and talents, so will multiples. One of my triplets is excellent at building blocks, one loves dancing and singing, and the other is a people person and very sensitive to others. On the other hand, they all love to read books and play outside. As you taking the time to notice their similarities and differences in daily life, you will begin to see each as an individual and appreciate and embrace those differences.

            Foster friendships

            As children grow, they begin to form relationships outside of their household. Encourage your children to develop friendships with others, even making their “own” friends. Some parents may choose to put their multiples in separate classrooms at school for this very reason. Individual friendships between one twin and another child helps build confidence and develop unique qualities in multiples who are very much influenced by their siblings.

Sarah Lyons is a proud mother of six children, including 6-year-old fraternal triplets.