How to Recognize Unique Qualities in Your Kids

          As a mom of multiples, I have noticed my kids tend to get grouped together and referred to as “the triplets.” This comes from people both in our family and outside of it. Many assume that because one likes a certain food, they all do or if one enjoys a particular activity, they all love it. This is simply not the case. It can be hard to remember, especially if you have identical twins, that each child has his own unique personality and tastes. Recognizing and remembering that truth is even harder for others outside the family unit. So how do you foster individuality in multiples and how do you help others recognize it as well?

            Treat them as individuals

            The best way to begin to appreciate the unique qualities of multiples is to treat them as individuals. Speak to them one on one about their day, their likes and dislikes, and spend time separately with each child. Help others see twins as two separate people by dressing them differently. Encourage them to pick out their own clothing and choose items they prefer. Avoid referring to them as “the twins” but instead use both their names. Say, “I need to pick up Jack and Josh from school,” rather than, “I need to pick up the twins.” This will help others see them as two separate people. “My twins have separate interests, but they are emotionally different as well, which has led me to parent them differently,” says Jennifer Klindworth, Kansas mother of twins.

            Acknowledge their gifts

            Each child has different gifts and natural talents. Take note of these things as you play with your children. Just as any two siblings would have differences in development, interests and talents, so will multiples. One of my triplets is excellent at building blocks, one loves dancing and singing, and the other is a people person and very sensitive to others. On the other hand, they all love to read books and play outside. Taking the time to notice their similarities and differences in daily life, you will begin to see each as an individual and appreciate and embrace those differences.

            Foster friendships

            As children grow, they begin to form relationships outside of their household. Encourage your children to develop friendships with others, even making their “own” friends. Some parents may choose to put their multiples in separate classrooms at school for this reason. Individual friendships between one twin and another child helps build confidence and develop unique qualities in multiples who are very much influenced by their siblings.

            Being a twin (or triplet) is a unique and special experience in itself. The closeness that multiples have is precious and not to be taken for granted. However, the wonderful, unique qualities each child possesses should be cherished as well.

Sarah Lyons is a proud mother of six children, including 2-year-old fraternal triplets.