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I Dressed Myself Today!

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Tips to help tame clothing battles

We’ve all seen the little girl at the grocery store, wearing a tutu, cowboy boots and fairy wings. At first glance, one might think, “Who let the child out of the house like that?” Most mothers know to pick their battles, and sometimes that is one battle that is not worth fighting. But what mothers might not know is that allowing her to pick her outfit is not just saving a fight, it’s helping her grow in self-esteem and independence.

“Girls often project who they are and how they are feeling with what they wear. By letting girls dress themselves, you are allowing them to express their self-image and to an extent, who they want to be,” says Sara Wickham of Kansas City, mother of two girls.

Mothers like to feel needed, but sometimes, being needed can take a backseat to helping foster independence. “Of course, as a mom, it's pretty awesome to feel needed, but there's nothing more rewarding than seeing that you've empowered your children to be independent thinkers and doers,” says Angee Simmons of Kearney, mother of a boy and girl. “It may seem like a small thing, but by allowing them to think for themselves now with something small like dressing themselves, hopefully that will make other decisions a little easier.”

Sometimes, however, it can be difficult to let go and let your daughter go to school or the grocery store in something that does not match or looks strange. That’s where a compromise comes in. Allow her to still make choices, but make sure you are satisfied as well.

“Erin needs to build her own sense of self, because it boosts her confidence. However, I also let her know why something is not appropriate for certain situations or temperatures, so she's better informed for future decisions,” B.J. Wenzel of Overland Park, mother of one girl, says. “She will ask what the forecast is, so she's aware.”

Wenzel lets her daughter make choices, but also ones that are appropriate. “The other day Erin wanted to wear long leggings with cowboy boots, but the temperature was over 100 degrees. I asked her if she wanted to wear jean shorts or soft shorts. Then, I asked her if she wants a tank top or short sleeved. The color of the shirt was the last thing we addressed,” says Wenzel. Working together with Erin, B.J. was able to ensure her daughter was appropriately dressed for the weather, and Erin was part of the process as well.

Not being judgmental over choices can be tricky, especially with tender-hearted children. “I feel I have to choose my words carefully. Rather than telling her she looks nerdy, I try to tell her she needs to pull her skirt down because it's not lady-like to have such a short skirt!” Wickham says. “In the back of my mind, I don't want to create stereotypes in her mind that nerds have a certain look or that being nerdy is a bad thing.”

“I will always be open to offering up my opinion if Flannery asks ‘do you think these pants go with this top?’ But if it's just ‘do you like my outfit?’ then it's more important that she like it than whether I do. Girls especially need to feel like the decisions they make are valued and respected,” says Simmons.

So the next time she wants to head to the store in rain boots and her Dora nightgown, take a deep breath. Remember to pick your battles, and remember that she is building confidence in herself. That’s never a bad thing.

 

Suggestions on reaching a compromise about clothes

Jennifer Higgins is a mother, teacher and free-lance writer from Kearney whose two daughters have been known to wear their Halloween costumes to the grocery store.

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