Is It Ever Okay to Discipline Other People's Children?

What parent hasn’t been there? You are at the park with your children and here comes a group of rowdy kids running roughshod over the equipment, screaming and yelling, and cutting in line in front of younger kids. You look around for the kids’ parents who are nowhere in sight…what do you do? Discipline is never easy, especially when it involves children that are not your own. Should you speak out? What should you say? Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you determine whether disciplining other children is ever okay.

Do: Speak up when there is safety involved. If at any time you are witness to behavior that is compromising the safety of the children, speak up. Calmly let the misbehaving children know that their behavior is not safe and that it should stop immediately. If they do not stop, seek out their parents or an employee if you are at a place of business. The same rule applies in the case of verbal bullying…always speak up!

Don’t: Yell at other people’s children. There is never a reason to yell at another person’s child in anger. If you need to correct a child use a calm friendly voice. Not only will you be more effective with the child, you’ll be less likely to offend the parents if they happen to overhear the interaction. 

Don’t: Discipline children if their parents are watching. If you are at a birthday party and the offending child’s parents are standing in the room, do not speak up unless it is a safety issue. Give the parents time to notice the behavior and address it. If the parents are distracted and haven’t seen little Bobby grabbing another piece of cake, gently speak with his parents to let them know what is going on and let them handle it. If they don’t address the problem the way that you would, resist the urge to step in. Everyone has the right to parent their children their own way.

Do: Enforce your house rules. When you have friends over to play, feel free to enforce your house rules. In this case, choosing not to discipline your guests may have unpleasant consequences for you when your own children see you ignoring the rules—they will get the message that the rules aren’t always enforced and may start testing those boundaries themselves.  As local mom Laura Denman says, “My house, my rules...just because you can eat cookies upstairs at your house does not mean you can do that at mine, and I will nicely tell you to come in the kitchen. Also, if you are repeatedly not following a rule, I will warn you that you will have to go home if the behavior doesn’t stop.”

Don’t: Make assumptions. Keep in mind that all children are different and that special needs aren’t always visible. The child making noise in the back of library story time may have autism. The child acting up in a restaurant booth may have Sensory Processing Disorder and may be overwhelmed by the loud noises around him. Before you say something or flash a dirty look that way, consider that the child may not be capable of controlling his or her behavior.

Do: Consider how you would feel. If it were your child acting out and you didn’t notice, what would you want other parents to do? Considering what you would want to happen in these situations will guide you as you decide whether disciplining another child is the right choice.

Sara Keenan lives with her two children and husband in Brookside.