Mistakes Parents of Toddlers Make
The toddler years can be challenging! Tiny toddlers are so cute and loveable, but their big feelings and toddler tantrums can be frustrating for parents. Do your best not to make these common parenting mistakes.
Giving in to Their Tantrums
Toddler tantrums are caused by frustration and other big emotions that tots aren’t able to process or verbalize yet. They don’t quite have the skills to reason through things, so they quickly go into meltdown mode. They constantly test boundaries, but parents need to stay strong about those boundaries and set appropriate limits for their children. It might seem easier to cave and let little ones have their way rather than deal with a tantrum, but your saying no will teach them limits. If you give in, that only teaches children they will get what they want if they throw a tantrum.
Feel like the only words in your vocabulary are no and stop? Try rephrasing with positive terms. For example, if a child hits her sibling, you can say, “Our hands are for high fives, not hitting. Can you give your sister a high five?” You can also try to redirect them by saying something like, “I know you want to watch more Cocomelon, but let’s read a book now. Can you pick out a book for us to read?”
Doing Everything for Them
I was guilty of this with my oldest daughter. I did absolutely everything for her. It wasn’t until she went to Pre-K that I realized she needed to be able to do things independently. She needed to be able to put on her shoes by herself, open containers in her lunch box and clean her glasses. These were all things I had done throughout the years for one reason: We were always in a rush to get somewhere or do something, so it was easier for me to do it. Do your best to slow down and take the time to let your toddler complete tasks independently. My 2-year-old loves putting her shoes on, so we make sure she always puts her own shoes and socks on before we leave. She also likes to help pick out what she’s going to wear that day. Taking charge of manageable tasks gives toddlers independence and helps build their self-esteem.
No Routine
Life can be hectic, but one of the most important things you can do for your children is give them a consistent routine. Toddlers do best when they know what to expect. This is especially important for bedtime routines. If they are used to taking a bath and reading a bedtime story at the same time every night, they will be more agreeable when that time comes.
Too Much Screen Time
Letting toddlers watch a show or play a game on their iPad can give parents a few minutes of quiet time to do chores around the house, but too much screen time can be a bad thing. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests no screen time for children ages 18 to 24 months, and ages 2-5 should get an hour or less per day. A study by University of Calgary psychologist Sheri Madigan, PhD, found that more time per week spent on screens at ages 24 months to 36 months was linked with poorer performance on screening tests for behavioral, cognitive and social development at 36 months.
Potty Training Too Early
The idea of no more diapers can be tempting, but starting to potty train before your child is ready can actually throw him off course and leave him in diapers even longer. If you begin potty training too early, you will be in for a long process of trial, error and accidents. On the other hand, waiting until your toddler is ready can make potty training much simpler. A few signs your child is ready to start potty training are that they are staying dry for two hours at a time, wake up from naps dry, tell you when they are wet or dirty and show an interest in the potty.
Moving Out of the Crib
Timing is everything when it comes to moving your toddler out of her crib. Parents move their toddlers out of their crib for many reasons. They may need the crib for a new baby, the child may want a big kid bed like his siblings, or the toddler might have started climbing out of the crib. Children who move from their cribs too early tend to have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. Parents are also more likely to wake up to their child’s wanting to crawl into bed with them each night. Another thing to keep in mind is cribs keep your toddlers safe, so do your best to keep them in their crib until around age 3, as suggested by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
If your toddler is are trying to climb out of his crib, try these tricks to keep him in his crib just a little longer. Most cribs have a higher side on one end. Move the lower side against the wall and the higher end to the outside. You can also have your child wear a sleep sack to keep him from climbing at night. If your child unzips his sleep sack, put it on backwards so the zip is in back. These tips could give you a few more months in the crib until your toddler is fully ready to make the transition to a big kid bed.
How to Survive a Toddler Meltdown
- Stay calm and close. Don’t let the tantrum upset you. Stay calm and quiet. Show you care by staying close to your child during the meltdown.
- Validate feelings. You can acknowledge your toddler’s feelings and put words to what she’s feeling by saying something like, “I know it’s frustrating you can’t have a cookie, but we’re eating dinner soon.”
- Don’t try to reason with a toddler. Toddlers are unable to control their emotions, so you will not be able to reason with them mid-meltdown.
- Don’t cave in. If your child is screaming, you may want to cave and give him what he wants, especially if you are in public. But this only gives him a clear signal that a tantrum will eventually result in his getting what he wants.
- Help redirect. Once the meltdown is over, help redirect toddlers to a new activity they enjoy and leave the tantrum behind.
Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters Atley, 8, and Ensley, 2, in St. Joseph, MO.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.