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Secrets of Happy Families

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            There’s no such thing as a perfect family. Everyone experiences challenges and frustrations with their familial situation and the members of it. But despite imperfect circumstances, some families seem to live a fuller, happier life and genuinely enjoy the time they spend together. What is the secret to a (mostly) happy family?

            Family meals

            “It is so important to fix meals and have dinner together,” says Lauren Johnson, Olathe mom of three. Today’s families are busy in the evenings. Balancing work, school and extracurricular activities can make it difficult for families to find time to sit down and share a meal together. According to Gallup, the number of families who dine together on a regular basis is down 37 percent since the 1990s. Happy families are part of each other’s lives and care about what is going on with each other day-to-day. Olathe mom of three Amy Branton says, “There is so much fun and relationship building that happens around the dinner table.” Dinnertime is a great opportunity to bond with each other and check in on how things are going. It may not be possible to sit down for a family meal every day of the week, but even taking the time to turn off electronics and share a meal two or three times a week will make a big impact on your family dynamics.

            Work together

            Working on a project together not only teaches your children the value of hard work and a sense of accomplishment but will also help your family build their relationships as they work as a team to accomplish the same goal. Similarly, chore charts or giving each child a job helps the whole gang feel like they are important and contributing to the family household, which gives them a sense of purpose.

            Play together

            A family shouldn't have all work and no play. “I think we have more fun and are closer when we play together,” says Shawnee mom Kara Thomas. “We routinely have game nights.” Find something your family enjoys doing together, such as playing games, doing puzzles, watching movies, hiking, bicycling or traveling. Be intentional about spending that enjoyable downtime together. This will help build memories and relationships, and the whole family will feel happier.

            Extended family

            Spending time with extended family, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins, demonstrates the importance of family to your kids. Kids who have strong relationships with their extended family will feel like they have a support system behind them, giving them confidence and assurance as they grow. They will also look to how their parents interact with their siblings and parents and model their relationships similarly. This is a great way to promote good relationships with your children as they grow into adults. Regular extended family interactions also help model important skills like resolving conflict, lending a helping hand when someone is in need, and simply relaxing and enjoying each other.

            Communication

            Everyone’s thoughts and opinions are important in a family. Model healthy communication with your spouse and children by avoiding yelling, listening attentively, asking questions and following up on previously shared concerns. Kids who feel valued will be happier and more confident. Lisa Meyers, Olathe mother and grandmother, says, “It’s important to let your family know you will always be there for them, no matter what happens.” This assurance gives kids confidence they always have someone to turn to in any situation.

            Be flexible

            Having clear rules for your children and consistent discipline is crucial—it gives kids a sense of security. Many families, however, also find that flexibility is just as important. Being willing to adjust the rules if something isn’t working, and admitting when you are wrong are great ways to teach your kids healthy communication.  Working with your kids to find a set of rules that everyone can happily live with creates better balance and fewer fights.

            Family traditions

            Traditions often are created around holidays, like baking cookies on Christmas Eve, carving pumpkins on Halloween or camping on Labor Day weekend. They can also be just for fun! Olathe mom Mary Berg says her family regularly observes a unique tradition: “We have Unhealthy Donut Day every week.” Traditions help kids know what to expect and give them something to look forward to. They also create happy memories.

            Show some affection

            Loving families give affection freely. Physical touch is a great way to show your kids you love them. A hug, back scratch or snuggle on the couch can make your child feel safe and loved. Giving family members positive verbal feedback is also great. Let them know you care by saying it. Tell them how great you think they are, say I love you, acknowledge their hard work, thank them and give positive feedback when possible. We often find it easier to criticize those closest to us, but it’s important to be intentional about building up those we care about.

            There is no such thing as a perfectly happy family. Everyone faces hardships, and we get annoyed with the people in our household. We face financial difficulty, sickness, stress at work and school, and a number of other challenges. Through all this, though, your family is constant and present to share the burdens. Parents can set an example of how to respond positively and be loving and caring. The real secret is that even when the circumstances aren’t perfect, you can still be a happy family.

Sources:

Additional Benefits of Family Dinner

Sarah Lyons is a part-time freelance writer and full-time mom. She lives in Olathe with her family.

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