The Do's and Don'ts of Handling Your Toddler's Public Meltdowns

For parents, few things are as frustrating and few things make us feel as helpless as facing a complete toddler meltdown in public. “The first time my daughter had a meltdown at Wal-Mart, I was so embarrassed! I was caught off guard and was so worried about what everyone thought. I probably didn’t handle it very well,” says Amy Meier, Olathe mom. 

Metro parents weigh in, offering some tricks of the trade to use next time you find yourself facing a public meltdown:

Being distracted by strangers at the store or the fact that you are running late is easy, but the best way to handle a meltdown is to give your child your complete focus.

Prevent what you can. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! This phrase has never been as true as when applied to parenting toddlers. Simple things like working around your child’s schedule can help increase your chances of avoiding a meltdown. Offering a healthy snack or a special toy that is saved for outings also can provide sanity-saving distractions. “I just know that I can’t take my kids to run errands during naptime or mealtime. They don’t handle it well,” Beth Harris, Kansas City, KS, mom says. “Once I figured out that their behavior was usually driven by their being hungry or tired, I figured out how to do errands at times that work best for us.”

Have a plan of action. You and your spouse should discuss and decide on the limits you want to set and your family’s rules as far as meltdowns go. There are many ways to approach a child who is losing control emotionally, and many families feel differently about what is appropriate for them. If you and your spouse establish a plan, you will be prepared when faced with the worst.

Focus on your child. Being distracted by strangers at the store or the fact that you are running late is easy, but the best way to handle a meltdown is to give your child your complete focus. “When I’m distracted, it takes forever to resolve the situation. If I just focus on my son and handle what needs to be handled, we can both move on a lot faster,” Kristi Boden, Kansas City, MO, mom says. “If I keep trying to split my focus, we are just in for a mess.” 

Don’t judge. When you or your child are having a moment of struggle, it feels terrible to have people pile on. Be sure to remember the tough moments you have faced and offer grace and encouragement to other parents in their time of need. “A nice smile from another mom when I’m dealing with a tough parenting moment makes all the difference,” Melanie Watkins, Overland Park mom, says. “When you are trying to handle things the best way you can, and other people are rolling their eyes or criticizing you so you can hear them, it just makes the whole situation harder.”

Be willing to walk away. When faced with a meltdown, you often don’t get a perfect resolution. Sometimes you have to give up on the shopping trip and take a tired, fussy child home for a nap. Sometimes you have to stop whatever you are doing and provide some comfort to a child who is struggling to control his or her emotions. And sometimes you have to walk away from certain behaviors to teach a lesson.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Preventing a Meltdown

Do – Try to work within your child’s schedule.

Don’t – Try to squeeze in one additional errand or activity if you know your child is approaching naptime.

Do – Use kind language as frequently as possible to address your child’s needs, feelings and behaviors.

Don’t – Engage in a verbal argument. 

Do – Connect and make eye contact with your child. Frequently, meltdowns can be thwarted by allowing your child to feel safe when his emotions run out of control.

Don’t – Escalate the situation through negative physical reactions.

Do – Offer your child choices to allow him to regain some sense of control.

Don’t – Worry that you are alone in facing your parenting struggles!

Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer and mom of two living in Overland Park.