What Parents Can Learn from Kids
Parents usually impart lessons to children. But there are many valuable lessons we can learn from our children, such as living in the moment, making new friends, forgiving quickly, being true to yourself, trying new things, listening well to others and laughing more. As we head into spring, let’s take note from these wise youngsters we are raising and be reminded of what really matters.
“How to always be in the moment,” says Heidi Murray, mother of four.
Children are the best at this, aren’t they? Children act like they don’t have a care in the world because they generally don’t. They have no long-term goals or worries so they are 100 percent living in the moment—which can explain their big emotions, as well as being easily distracted. But there’s something beautiful in that, right? When was the last time you experienced the utter joy of a baby’s swinging at the playground? We may smile and coo at them, but more often than not, we’re also worried whether the other parents think our baby is too little to be swinging on her own or taking out our phone to take a video of the moment. I’m not saying we shouldn’t document (because they really do grow up way too fast), but maybe we try to be in the moment a little more frequently. Notice the true blue sky, the birdsong, the taste of that perfect latte, the freshness in the air and the simple belly laughs of that swinging baby.
How to make new friends
There’s a reason so many memes and articles address how to make friends as an adult. It’s challenging! So it can be helpful to take notes from our children on how and where they are making their friends. Friendships often develop from proximity, commitment and shared interests. Kids make friends at school because they spend time with other kids there every day. Kids also make friends on their baseball teams and in their dance classes because they all enjoy doing that activity. Perhaps it’s time to make some friends at work by sitting in the break room for lunch instead of at your desk. Maybe even get a few people to go out for a quick lunch together. If you work from home like many of us do now, maybe you could start a weekly lunch outing with other work-from-home parents. I’ve hosted a couple lunches for some work-from-home women in our neighborhood, and it’s been a fun, quick hour of connection that doesn’t compete with after-school activities and family commitments. If that’s not an option, consider signing up for your own class after work—try weekly exercise classes or monthly book or craft clubs. Remember what you enjoyed when you were a child and see whether you can find that joy again, along with some new friends.
“How to forgive quickly,” suggests Casey Fraser, mother of four.
Children, especially when they’re younger, forgive quickly and move on to the next exciting toy they want to play with. They don’t hold grudges like we tend to do as we grow older. Obviously, there are a lot of dimensions to forgiveness and navigating life experiences, but maybe we can learn to forgive quickly on the little things that really don’t matter in a day’s or week’s time. Maybe we offer others and ourselves the benefit of the doubt more often than not. One of my favorite ways to do this is to assume crazy drivers have a sick kid or another crisis they are dealing with and to pray that they are safe, to keep others out of their way and that their day gets better. Doing this always makes me feel better than getting upset about the behavior and letting it set a tone for the rest of my day. This is also a great thing to practice within the walls of our home.
“How to live your life and be yourself without worrying about what others think or how they feel about you,” advises Emily Hilley, mother of two.
Wouldn’t this be a lovely thing if everyone lived true to themselves and didn’t worry about what others thought of them? I can’t even imagine—getting dressed, working a job you loved regardless of other’s expectations or income brackets, eating what you’d like, enjoying activities you want to do, and more! Kids are pretty certain and vocal about what they like and don’t like, even if it’s an unpopular opinion like not liking pizza or, like my 2-year-old daughter, saying dresses are “too fancy.” Kids typically shrug things off and ask for something they do like. As adults, we can have more tact but can still stay true to who we are. If our friends always want to go out for sushi and it’s just not our thing, we can stand up for ourselves and request a different cuisine that everyone can enjoy. If you love a style that others think is outdated, who cares? Finding joy is such a lovely thing these days, so stay true to who you uniquely are.
Try new things
If you think about it, children try new things nearly every day because many things are still new to them! They try all new foods as they begin solids, try the new big slide, try dance class for the first time or a new club at school as they get older. As adults, we get in our safe bubbles and routines and often forget how to step outside our safety zone to try something new. We humans will never be able to know it all, so we still have so many opportunities to be brave and learn something new. Perhaps it’s not basic math facts like your elementary school student, but you can still learn a new hobby or even a new topic from reading a book. It could even be something bigger like going back to school to get a degree in something you now find, or always found, interesting. That new knowledge could even lead to a new job that brings you more joy. Traveling to new places can be a great way to try new things, too. Figuring out transportation, trying new restaurants and even scuba diving for the first time add spark to our thinking and enrich our experience. The world has plenty of new things for all of us to learn. You might even try new things with your family!
“I’ve learned from my (now adult) children that they don’t need me to fix every problem, they just want me to listen and acknowledge their feelings,” says Michael Rife Houghton, mother of two.
I think we could all benefit from learning how to listen to others better. It’s been a long couple of years, and we often gravitate to others with likeminded opinions, but there’s value in learning how to listen without reacting or commenting. We can practice with our own families, too, by showing that we’re choosing to listen to what they’re saying by setting our phones down and giving actual eye contact. I know I often ask my children to stop what they’re doing and look at me so I know they’re listening, so I should do the same when they want me to listen to them, right?
Laugh more
“I suppose it could be an urban legend that 4- to 6-year-olds laugh 300 times a day. No matter, really. The point is that children laugh more than adults do. And that ought to tell us something,” says Pamela Gerloff in her article “Why You Need to Laugh Like a 5-Year-Old” on HuffPost.com. Children find humor in everything, from potty jokes to putting underwear on their heads. I do think they look for humor and ways to laugh as much as possible. We adults can often find laughter distracting or feel we haven’t earned our joyful time of the day until our work and commitments are completed. Then we can sit down and re-watch The Office. But we should seek out joy and humor often: Read humorous books, take a 10-minute break to watch funny pet videos, listen to a comedy station or funny podcast on our commute, text a funny joke or meme to friends or have a tickle fight with our kids. Embrace those laugh lines and laugh at those potty jokes your kindergartner finds hilarious.
Children come into this world like little innocent sponges, and we do our best to teach them the Golden Rule and how to take care of themselves and others. I think it’s always going to be wise for us to pause and get back to the basics of what’s actually important in this one life we get to live. Treat others how we want to be treated, take naps and eat snacks to keep our blood sugar in check so we don’t throw a tantrum.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 11, Mason, 10, and Slade, 6, and is always trying to teach her children but could really benefit from learning from them more too.