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Wreck the Halls: Keeping Toddler Holiday Tantrums at Bay

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The holidays are here, and the children are anything but nestled all snug in their beds. Instead, they’re chowing down on fudge, watching commercials for toys they don’t need and generally being overstimulated from every angle. It’s the perfect cocktail for a tantrum of epic proportions. Thankfully, I have some solutions to help you prepare for what’s coming—and maybe make those meltdowns a ghost of holidays past.

Keep the structure: When children know what’s coming, their little minds feel comforted and calm. Throw in a long weekend at Aunt Janet’s house with 15 people they’ve only met once, and their calmness turns to chaos. The result of that disruption in structure manifests as a tantrum. Screaming, whining and general unpleasantness for everyone!

Skipping Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with the family may not be an option, so try to keep as much structure as possible. If your child is used to a nap from 1:00 to 3:00, set the expectation with your family that you will be maintaining that schedule. Bring your child’s favorite blanket and white noise machine, find an empty room, and put him down for his nap. Understand that he may want you or Dad to lie down with him. Do it! After all, being tucked into a strange bed and left alone is hardly setting the stage for relaxation. Having you in the bed next to him will instantly put him at ease. And don’t worry about it creating a precedent for future naps. This is a onetime thing, and your child will go back to his regularly scheduled nap program when you get home.  (The nap will do wonders for you, too. It’s a win-win.)

Communicate: In addition to the aforementioned structure, kids need and crave information. Give them information to hear and time to process what’s coming. Long car ride? Start talking about travel or extended outings early on. Share with your child where you’re going, why you’re going and who will be there. Go through photos of family members your kids are unsure of or share stories from the last time you saw them. The more familiar you can make the experience, the better!

If family is visiting your home, explain to your children who will be. Create excitement and anticipation. Children love to be useful, so ask for help from your big kids! Give them small tasks like answering the door with a big smile and a “Happy holidays!” greeting, or have them help take coats to the closet. When children feel like part of the experience, they will embrace it.

Be ready: You’re already a pro at being prepared. For the holidays, you’ll have to double your efforts. For every cereal bar you think you could need, pack two. For every pair of extra underwear you’d normally bring to the mall, bring two. Actually, bring three. Poop is sneaky. Remember that traffic will be slower than you expected, and Santa won’t be ready for his photo when you thought he would be. Kids will get impatient and they will get bored. Boredom leads to wanting attention. Wanting attention leads to lying on the floor screaming “Mommy, I don’t want to be here!” If you can anticipate these moments and be prepared with a distraction, you might just buy yourself a few more minutes of peace at the Container Store.

Food fights: Your mother-in-law worked hard to make a nutritious, beautiful, holiday-worthy meal for you and your family. Only problem? Holiday-worthy usually means not so toddler friendly. And so, it begins. Your child slumps in his chair and begins to whine about what is being served. She may even start to cry or, worse, throw the food. Eyebrows from family members rise, and you’re stuck between parenting and etiquette.

Understand in advance that this is going to happen. No one escapes it. This meal is a deviation from every norm, and as we’ve learned, a departure from familiarity is a tantrum lying in wait. You have two choices here. First is to force the square peg in the round hole and make your child eat what’s on his plate. Get ready for screams and stares … and maybe gagging. The second approach is to make or pick up ahead of time something your child is more accustomed to in hopes it will mitigate the severity of a dining disaster. Spoiler alert: You might end up with a tantrum either way. Do what is best for you. Bringing a child’s meal separate from everyone else’s might result in a few judgmental stares, but that’s okay. Keep it lighthearted by saying, “Trust me, the alternative is so much worse!” If you do choose to make your child eat the meal, that’s fine, too. If you find a way to do it without a hitch, please share, because I have no idea on that one.

Stranger Danger:  The holidays bring a lot of love and laughter, but the season can be a scary time for children. They’re exposed to family they don’t typically see, music they don’t typically hear and people in strange costumes at stores. Though it sounds fun and whimsical, a stranger dressed as Santa might freak out a toddler and make him want to leave. Hashtag oh well. It’s not the end of the world. You can come back next year. The critical point is that your children know they don’t have to interact with anyone who makes them uncomfortable.

This same mentality should be applied to relatives or family friends, too. Yes, it’s great for you to see family and exchange embraces hello and goodbye. But for children, it’s not so easy.  Maybe they don’t like Great-Grandma’s perfume. Maybe Papa’s teeth freak them out. Perhaps too many strangers are just standing around, and it’s overwhelming. No matter the reason, consider letting your children choose whom they hug. Encourage a fist bump or waving goodbye instead and leave it at that. You don’t have to make excuses for your child.

Getting through the holidays with a small child is a marathon, not a sprint. Get your partner involved to tackle outings together. Even better, plan for one of you to go and the other to stay home with the kids. When you must go out, keep trips as short as possible. Then hang on tight and enjoy the sleigh ride ….

Fast Holiday Fixes

Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and toddler son.

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