The Great News About Homesickness

One of the primary reservations parents have about overnight summer camp experiences for their kids is homesickness. We tell ourselves that our kids will be ready to go to camp when they don’t have fears about being homesick at all. But what if I told you homesickness could actually be not only a good thing, but a great thing in your child’s development?

Homesickness is not the exception, it’s the rule. In study after study, researchers found that around 95 percent of children who were spending at least 14 days at overnight camp felt homesickness to some degree. Children at day camp may also feel similarly, but less frequently. The good news, however, is homesickness is typically mild, kids that have it are in good company with their peers, and learning how to overcome it can be a huge boost to a child’s self-confidence.

Consider these facts:

1. Homesickness means there is some aspect of your home environment that is desirable. Whether it’s home cooking, playing with a sibling or walking the dog, that bit of family life makes a homesick child see home as the place to be. Parents should be encouraged that they have fostered an environment that is so warmly regarded by their kids. (Way to go, Mom and Dad!)
2. Homesickness is going to hit hardest when there’s downtime. Thankfully, though, camp life is full of structured events that are exciting and out of the ordinary, which help to keep anxiety at bay. Because homesickness will most likely come in waves, it’s important campers realize that when it does strike, it isn’t a bad thing. Learning different coping strategies is key. We’ll talk about some of them below.
3. Homesickness typically gets better with time. First-time campers are far more likely to have a pining for home during their stay than return campers. After all, successful camp experiences beget successful camp experiences. Learning how to cope bolsters both a child’s independence and confidence and prepares kids for their future.
4. Homesickness is a pining for the familiar, but learning to find good in new experiences fosters resilience, growth and a hunger for adventure.

Whether or not your kids communicate they have cold feet about camp, it’s helpful to brainstorm some coping strategies together in advance, so they’ll have some tools in their pocket if homesickness does hit. One of the hardest aspects of homesickness is being caught off guard by it. By preparing for the chance it does develop, your child has a one-up on a potential challenge. Here are some ways to work together:

1. Involve your child in the planning. Have some fun together in the anticipation. Go shopping together for new summer clothing, toiletries and favorite snacks and treats. Pick out stationery and provide stamped and addressed envelopes, so your child can write home as much as she wishes while away. On the flip side, consider writing to your child often, so your camper can receive a little bit of sunshine in the mailbox at camp.
2. Don’t create an issue that doesn’t exist. If your child doesn’t articulate concerns about being away, don’t magnify a what-if scenario. The biggest issue with homesickness, remember, isn’t having it. Rather, it’s being taken off guard about what to do if it strikes and you didn’t think it would. Articulate that you think your child has the capacity to figure out a problem on his own and project confidence, not fear. Dr. Michael G. Thompson, a clinical psychologist and author of Homesick but Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow, says that many parents, in an effort to diminish fears, actually produce homesickness by projecting their own fears onto their kids.
3. Normalize homesickness. “Kids can be both a little bit homesick and happy—you can have fun all day and then cry yourself to sleep,” Thompson says. It’s essential, though, that Mom and Dad don’t offer to swoop in and take a child home at the first sign of sadness or fear; offering an opt-out undermines confidence in your child’s ability to figure out how to cope.
4. Don’t offer deals. Just as you should avoid offering a pickup plan midweek, avoid offering bribes for staying or rewards for having a positive experience. Why? A bribe negates the reward of the camp experience itself and makes the goal merely enduring the week. A reward for having a good time puts undue pressure on a child to have the type of experience you would prefer. The reality is that there will naturally be both highs and lows.
5. Set up a trial run. There is research that indicates the more time a child has away from home, the less they will be homesick. This doesn’t mean you should send your kids away all the time, but a small trip alone can be good for both you and your child. See whether Grandma and Grandpa would be willing to host a special weekend with the grandkids, or have your kiddos stay with another trusted family member or friend for a day or two. Learning how to cope with being away from Mom and Dad, albeit with familiar faces, is a safe way to help your children spread their wings. It’s also a time for you to figure out how to fill the void while they’re away—which is particularly helpful if you have anxiety about your child’s being away.
6. Prepare how you will handle if they reach out while at camp. You’ve given them stationery to write home and projected confidence in their ability to navigate the week without you, but what happens if they write tear-stained letters or call in a frenzy because they want to come home? First of all, stay calm and don’t guilt yourself. Listen to your children’s concerns and assure them they’re heard. But also assure them that they’re doing something they are capable of. Redirect the conversation to positive experiences. What new friends have they made? What has been a favorite new experience or skill learned? Remind them to put the amount of time they have left at camp in perspective.
7. If your child is the exception, praise effort. Ultimately, parents have to trust their gut. Severe anxiety only hits a small percentage of campers, but if it’s prohibiting a child from being able to sleep or eat, it may well be time to bring a youngster home. If that’s the case, make sure to applaud your child’s effort, reminding her of how proud you are that she tried something new. Likewise, encourage her that she can try again next year. Trying again shows grit, and that’s a character quality worth celebrating as well.

Olathe freelance writer Lauren Greenlee attended summer camp from kindergarten until her senior year of high school and always regarded it as one of the highlights of summer. The only downer? Getting an egg on the head for receiving so many letters from home—thanks, Mom!