Things I've Learned from Living Abroad as a Family

"We’re moving to Germany for a year.” As we dropped this news on family, friends and coworkers last fall, the reactions fell into a pattern. First, there was shock. The logistical challenge of packing, renting our house out, traveling to Europe, finding schools and a house, etc. was the first thing everyone thought of. And, admittedly, when we were first presented with the job opportunity that is allowing us to do this, it was overwhelming for us, too. But, after that shock wore off, most people’s next statement was, “Wow! I would love to be able to do that!”

The idea of a family “gap year” is exciting and romantic; of course it sounds fun to travel the world as a family and see what it’s like to live in a different nation. But what’s it like in reality? We are only four months into our year, but so far it’s been everything we’d hoped for and more—with plenty of practical and life lessons. Here are a few of the most important things we’ve learned so far:

• It’s worth it. You all know this already, but Europe is simply amazing. Having the ability to drive for an hour and be in another nation, speaking another language and wandering through history is not something I will ever tire of. Showing our kids these beautiful and important sights in person is something for which we are truly grateful and we are making the most of this time. We know how lucky we are and we’re not squandering this opportunity!
• Humility is required. I am a person who likes to plan out everything carefully, always know what’s going on and figure things out for myself. Living in another nation has cured me of that. You simply must go with the flow, wander into the unfamiliar without a plan and learn to ask for help. Even a trip to the grocery store can be humiliating when you can’t read the signage, speak to the cashier or understand how the shopping carts work. But if you take the time to ask for help, you most often will be greeted with a friendly word and a smile.
• Make an effort to fit in. Trying out a different way of life is part of the reason we came here, so learning German, eating German foods and attending German events is required. Sometimes putting ourselves out there and trying to use the language and enjoy local customs is hard. I just had a conversation in German with our landlord and accidentally ended it with, “You’re welcome!” where a “Thank you!” or “Have a nice day!” would have been appropriate. But, I could tell that she appreciated that I was trying to speak German to her when at first I could do nothing but gesture or depend on Google Translate.
• We have more in common than not. While we travel Europe and experience so many new and different things, one thing that stands out to me is that we all have more in common than you think. Yes, we speak different languages, enjoy different foods and spend time differently, but in the end, we are all humans trying to enjoy life with people we love. And that looks very much the same at the end of the day. Our kids often play with other kids who don’t speak English because soccer is soccer (or futball is futball!), and kids are kids. I am glad my children get to see the world is a big place that seems so different, but really we are all part of one big family.
• We can learn from other cultures. I am trying to absorb the little things about Germany and the other nations we visit so I can carry them with me when we return home. Some of my favorite customs that I want to bring home include the Danish art of hygge (which is pronounced “hoo-gah” and is an appreciation of all things cozy), the French custom of lingering in a cafe over a cup of coffee or glass of wine, the German appreciation for a long walk in the woods (volksmarch) and love of festivals, and the Italian love for a long leisurely meal. See a theme here? In my experience, life moves a bit slower here, which gives you time to enjoy it and appreciate the things around you and the people you are sharing them with.
• It’s important to celebrate everything. When every day is an adventure (challenge), you must celebrate every victory, even (especially) the small ones! I can’t tell you how many times we’ve used the words “We did it!”  with a high five here. Figure out how to plug in your hair dryer? You did it! Remember to bring money for the toilets on a road trip? We did it! Learn how to order coffee? I did it! Successful trip to Ikea? We did it!! Talk to a German neighbor? Yep, we did it!
• Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. We knew we’d miss our friends, we knew we’d miss our family. But we really didn’t know how much until we were here for a few months. And the list of things we miss grows longer by the day. Sometimes we long for little things like shopping at Target, Betty Rae’s Ice Cream, free water at restaurants and reliable phone service. And often we talk of the big things we miss, like our friends and family, our neighborhood, the kids’ school, Royals baseball...we just miss so much about Kansas City. And thankfully we know we’re going to be back after a year, so it’s not so painful. But I find acknowledging the homesickness—both mine and the kids’—is important. It’s okay to be sad and miss your friends. It’s okay to have a little cry sometimes. For each thing we miss, we try to think of something that we’ve discovered or experienced here that we will miss when we’re back in KC, and then it doesn’t hurt so much.
• Kids are resilient. While our children are learning about history, language and culture, they are also learning life lessons that will last. The reality of moving to another nation is that not every moment is sunshine and rainbows. A family will feel a lot of discomfort, boredom, uncertainty and confusion. We make mistakes on a regular basis. Homesickness is very real and can hit you out of nowhere. We all miss our friends and struggle with forming new relationships. But through it all, we are learning. Learning that randomly pointing to something on a menu can lead to a new favorite food. That taking a wrong turn can lead to a beautiful view. That being bored can lead to trying new activities or making new friends. And learning to appreciate how far a kind word or a smile goes when you need it. And finally, learning that we can do hard things and that taking a risk leads to great rewards.
• You can do it! I think my friend from Nebraska, Staci Cunningham, who is living in Stockholm with her husband and kids for 10 months, says it best: “Lots of my friends have said, ‘I could never do that!’ But the truth is, if the job opportunity presents itself, anyone COULD do this. Different personality types will struggle with different stresses in taking their families abroad, but it's totally doable. You take it one step at a time, and in the end, despite a lot of stress along the way, you've given your family a tremendous experience that was totally worth it!” 

Sara Keenan is loving life with her family in Germany, but at the end of 2018 she will click her heels and say, “There’s no place like Brookside!”