This weekend something big happened: my husband and I went on our first date since Baby was born! Seeing as I just got our little peanut’s five month photos in his journal, I’d say it was long overdue. When you have three kids under five, going out on a date sometimes seems like more work than its worth. Childcare is expensive and trying to coordinate a time that works for someone to watch the kids after my husband comes home from work, before the vexing bedtime routine, and in between nursing sessions for the baby- well, it doesn’t leave a very big window. And yet, I’ve been told (and know from personal experience) that it is crucial to make our marriage a top priority in order to have a peace-filled home.
My parents drove in from out of town on Saturday morning to watch not just the oldest two but also the baby so that the Hubs and I could get three, uninterrupted, wonderful hours alone; some time to ourselves that didn’t involve refereeing the squabbles between the oldest two (my firstborn has informed me that fighting is now his love language) or piecemealing sentences between loud, underfoot pre-school banter and baby cries. We’ve found great joy and satisfaction in caring for our kids and yet with all the demands between work and children, it’s been easy to forget to invest in each other. We’ve attempted at-home, after-the-kids-are-in-bed dates but we both find ourselves so exhausted that conversation is sparse and it results in one of us nodding off before we even start a discussion.
I’d like to say that we went all out to make up for lost time, dressed to the nines and out on our merry way to some amazing restaurant, but the reality is we’re rather casual people (and trying to “top off” the baby right before leaving meant I had less time to get gussied up anyway). So, we hit up a BBQ joint instead, where between brisket and burnt ends we found ourselves covered in ketchup and laughter, as we reminisced this crazy little thing called our life together. We spoke mostly about the kids, but not just about them. We pointed out growth and good that we’d seen in each other; we spoke about hopes and dreams for the future, individual goals for the immediate time being, and what we were most thankful for about this season of our marriage. And it’s funny really- because caring for babies and pre-schoolers is messy and monotonous and so time-consuming, you’d think the last thing on our minds on a date would be eating messy food and talking about our kids! But that’s just what we did.
Well, that… and a few other things.
We may or may not have ventured out to a new outdoor gear retailer where we quickly hyped up the benefit of camping as a family- only to realize we have absolutely no gear, it’s expensive, and we don’t have a clue what we’re doing. We then resolved that we are city folk that would more than likely be the first to get sprayed by a skunk or mauled by a bear… and quickly took camping off the list of tentative family vacations.
We may or may not have spent way too much time contemplating whether to get Glace’s new seasonal ice creams (butternut squash or goat cheese & spiced pear, anyone?) only to then order our “usuals” (for my husband it’s salted pretzel and for myself, it’s spiced chocolate).
We may or may not have finished the date by doing the grocery shopping. You read that correctly. My husband loves to go to the grocery store. For him, it’s an experience. For me, it’s a race to see how quickly I can get in and get out. I pulled back the reins and we leisurely stocked our cart. And I’ll admit, it was fun…. and necessary... but mainly, fun. When we got back home we unloaded the groceries, hugged the kids, thanked my parents and put back on those Mom and Dad hats. Little ones and and laundry piles encircled us, but we looked at each other with a newfound appreciation for one another and a resolve to get another date on the calendar soon.