I get asked fairly frequently what it’s like to raise quadruplets. While I don’t have anything to compare it to, I have learned a few things along the way!
- Four of Everything Really Isn’t Necessary. You don’t need four swings, ExerSaucers or four of every toy. It’s just not practical. Sure, there are some exceptions, but everything you think you “need” may not be totally conducive to a small house or a suddenly one-income family. Besides, learning how to share is a good thing!
- Don’t Make Eye Contact and Don’t Stop Moving. This is the very first thing that all quad parents learn. Whatever you do, do not stop moving when in public and try not to make eye contact with anyone. It’s really not about being rude. It’s about trying to preserve that family time and actually make it to the destination. Once we stop moving, the questions from the public start, and we are stuck.
- Everybody Is a “Quad” Expert. I can’t tell you the number of times that someone has given me advice on how to parent my quads because they “know what it’s like.” Y’all, I have no idea what it’s like to raise singletons. I doubt you know what it’s like to raise quadruplets. As irritating as these conversations can be, it’s also a good reminder that I don’t know another mom’s situation and that giving my uninvited advice is probably not appreciated.
- There Is No Way to Avoid Making a Spectacle. If you have quadruplets, you will make a spectacle. No matter how quickly we try to sneak into the grocery store and back out with our little family of same-age kids, someone figures out what they are. And they like to tell everyone else in the store. “Walking zoo exhibit in aisle 4!” When that happens, revert back to strategy number 4 on this list.
- People Are Going to Ask Dumb Questions. You’ve heard the saying “There are no dumb questions.” Well, in my time as a quad mom, that statement has been proven false. I routinely get questions like “Were you trying for four?” or “Did you know there was more than one in there before they were born?” As a quad mom you either want to laugh or cry. I choose to laugh, because otherwise the next 14 years are going to be very, very long.
- My Reproductive History Is Now Common Knowledge. For some reason, everyone loses that social screen when they find out that I have quadruplets. I can’t go anywhere without hearing “Did you do IVF?” “Did you have help?” and “Were they natural?” Yes, it’s very frustrating and invasive, but people ask anyway. The only defense is to prepare the answer in advance and try to keep from being caught off guard.
- This Is Normal. I think what most people don’t realize is that raising quadruplets is completely normal for me. My normal isn’t something I would have volunteered for, but now that I have it, I wouldn’t give it up! I think the lesson that I learned here is to embrace the challenges because there is a sense of peace, belonging and “rightness” on the other side.
- Give a Little Credit. People wonder how I do it. I don’t. We do it. I’ve realized that there is no possible way on earth that I could handle this level of responsibility myself. I try to regularly remind my husband how thankful the kids and I are to have him as our support. It’s okay that I can’t do this by myself. Our family is better off having a team that works together to get us to the end of the day.
Rebecca Ishum lives in South Kansas City with her husband, Sean, and their 4-year-old quadruplets: Caleb, Abigail, Elijah and Elizabeth. You can read more about their parenting adventures at ABeautifulRuckus.com.