When your baby is born, you want to keep her close to your heart and side forever. Eventually, as a child grows, it’s necessary for you to be away from him for periods of time throughout the day. The sooner you figure out a good way to say goodbye, give a kiss and a hug and turn to walk away, the easier it will be when your child actually spends the entire day at kindergarten or preschool.
The hardest thing a mom and dad have to do is walk away when their little one is crying out to them not to leave. If you take some measures to assure little Ellen that she will have fun with other children, will enjoy snack time, recess and her new teacher, this moment in time will pass more easily. Then, even when you get to your car and shed a few tears, you will know your child isn’t crying!
A great way to prep you and your child for that inevitable drop-off at a place is to visit it first together. Spend time doing things like sitting at the table with your child, sharing a snack, talking with the caregiver or teacher and finding the bathroom. Even driving or walking by a few times and pointing out the school building can be helpful. Leave for a moment or two, and when your child sees you are gone, reappear quickly. This will let him know you will be back, no matter what.
Lots of great books show children being dropped off at school for the first time, getting on the school bus or making new friends. Search the internet or your library website to find stories you can read together. There are many darling ones that help familiarize kids with the experience.
The most effective thing you can do is make an effort to manage your own anxiety. Our children pick up on our stress and take cues from us. Most children enjoy new scenarios. Even though you want so badly to stick around and see whether your child stops crying, resist. Long, drawn-out goodbyes can increase anxiety. Create your own goodbye ritual and stick to it. Give those last hugs and kisses, tell him you can’t wait to see him after school, then follow through and head out the door.
If your child can’t seem to adjust, take a closer look at your baby’s world to see what the problem could be. Temperament plays a big role. Does one of your children hide shyly behind you when meeting new people, while your other child jumps to meet anyone who passes by? Think about this and decide how your child will approach and adapt to a new situation. If she is slow to warm up to new environments, spend extra time letting her get comfortable with school. Play on the playground, read in the library and attend school functions to give your child more opportunities to acclimate. As I mentioned before, adjust your visits to what your specific child needs. Does he need a special toy to take with him? A new shirt you pick out together for the first day or a special type of sandwich in his lunchbox? Little things can mean so much.
Adjust your actions. Remember, your child is an extension of you, and what you do in your home affects how kids act away from you. If you have a new baby at home, little Timmy might be jealous that his new baby sister gets to stay home with you, and he can’t. Take extra time to spend time with him, one-on-one, while the baby is sleeping. Remind him that he is special.
Plan to arrive at school a little bit early and create a ritual for easing in, such as reading a book together before you leave. Let your child’s teacher know as well, so that the teacher can work with and support your child as he adjusts. Remember, resist the feeling of mommy guilt and the feeling that you are abandoning your crying baby.
Enlist the assistance of your child’s teacher. If you know your son cries every morning and also loves dinosaurs, have her place a dinosaur puzzle on the table for him to focus on right away. Anything to divert his attention from Mommy or Daddy leaving can help—it can make all the difference in the world!
Another idea is to place a family picture where your child can see it. Ask your child’s teacher to create a “my home” project the first few weeks of school. The teacher can send home a blank house template and ask families to fill it with family pictures and things your child loves. Then, if your child feels sad, she can look at the pictures and feel loved.
Next time you drop off your child, make it a point to let her know you will think of her while you are at work, eating lunch, doing laundry or cooking. Then, when she gets home, smother her with love and start a conversation about everything she did during her day!
Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.
Sources: ParentMap.com, JustReedBlog.com