“Bringing home a new baby, whether it’s your first or your fifth, is a stressful time, so any help will be appreciated.”
As a new mom, I was so surprised by the generosity of neighbors, church members, friends and family. For our first baby, I remember how another young mom from church (that I knew of but didn’t know personally) stopped by to drop off a meal for our new little family. It blew me away that someone we didn’t really know would bring us dinner—it was amazing! As I became involved in some local moms groups like MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) and through Meetup.com, my village grew and so did the help. I believe I had a meal train for six weeks for my third baby, and it was incredibly helpful!
So what are the best ways to help a new mama out? Here are a few ideas to keep in mind.
1. Don’t ask, just do
Birthing and bringing home a new baby to care for is intense. Sleep deprivation is a challenge. Even when well intentioned friends ask how they can help, it’s just one more thing for a new mom to try to think of or figure out logistically. If you want to help, just do something. I remember a neighbor friend dropping off my favorite coffee on my doorstep with a text saying it was there whenever I could grab it. It was such a small thing but still stands out to me more than eight years later as such a kind gesture that let me know she was thinking of me.
2. Set up a meal train
Be the one to set up a meal train for the friend group to participate in. It doesn’t take long and is pretty simple to set up using SignUpGenius.com or MealTrain.com. I suggest setting this up with the new mom ahead of time to determine any dietary restrictions, how many people need to be fed, favorite cuisines and/or restaurants, what time meals should be delivered, what the address is, what the phone number is and whether people should text before they drop off food. The new mom can also indicate whether she’d like people to stop by and see the baby or instead have people drop food off in a cooler on the porch. (Sometimes it’s overwhelming trying to be ready to see people when you’re not sure when the baby will be eating or napping.) Be sure to list all information on the sign-up for others to refer to as their slot comes up. Then share the sign-up with as many people as possible or as many as the family is comfortable with.
3. Participate in a meal train
If a meal train has already been organized, then simply sign up. If you can sign up for more than one slot then go ahead—or just keep an eye on whether slots are being filled and share with others who may wish to participate. Also keep in mind what others sign up to bring so you can avoid duplicating meals. If you have a tried and true meal, consider keeping a few in the freezer that are ready to go. Or drop off one hot meal as well as one the family can put in their freezer for later. If cooking another meal is not in the cards for you, you can still sign up to bring takeout from a favorite restaurant. Joellyn Nauman, mother of four, has thoughtful neighbors and says, “Bringing or sending food! It’s always nice to be able to enjoy a meal or try something different. My next door neighbor would always send disposable plates, silverware and cups so there was no cleanup! Double win! They would even send a gallon of tea or lemonade—triple win!”
4. Drop off grab-and-go food
Another option for helping out a new mom is to drop off grab-and-go meals she can use for breakfasts, lunches and snacks throughout the day. Food like muffins, precut fruit and veggies, a sub sandwich party platter and protein bars are all handy to have around. If the family has older kids, some fun snacks for them would be nice too.
5. Drop off paper goods
On top of food, paper products are also essential and helpful for a family with a new addition. Products like paper towels, toilet paper, paper plates to help with dishes, and diapers—diapers are always welcome to a family with a new baby. Again, if the family has older children, coloring books or sticker books are a fun surprise and help them feel loved too.
6. Entertain older kids and pets
If the family has older children, offer to take them to the park or on another outing to give Mom some time to try to rest when the baby rests. Even if she doesn’t use that time to sleep, it’s helpful to have someone else entertain the other children for a while. The siblings will also appreciate some special time since so much focus is on the new baby. Kristina Bauman, mother of eight, agrees and says that if older siblings are in the picture, it’s helpful to take them “to and from practices or just for an afternoon so the new mom doesn’t have to get Baby out the door.” Offering to take the dog for a walk or care for any other pets could also be helpful, as pets often get pushed to the back burner during a new baby transition.
7. Pamper the mom
It can be a strange transition for moms to go from receiving all the attention during pregnancy to seeing it swing to the new baby after delivery. But after birthing the baby, a new mom should still be pampered and cared for because she just went through the wringer. Think about ways you can show you haven’t forgotten about her. Dropping off a care package with her favorite things would be well received. If you’re unsure what to include, a few ideas are a large, pretty water bottle, chocolates, nuts, lotion, lanolin cream, a new book or magazine to look at during feedings, a candle or a cozy blanket for her.
8. Hold the baby
Depending on how close you are to the new mom, offer to come help care for the baby, so she can have a few hours to do what she wants or needs to get done. She could use that time to nap, shower, catch up on the house, run errands, go for a walk, get a manicure/pedicure or whatever she wants. She may also just appreciate some company or help with daily life too. Maybe she misses cooking but would just like some help with the baby or the meal as she’s preparing it. If you know Mom well, think of specific ways to help that you know she’d appreciate.
Bringing home a new baby, whether it’s your first or your fifth, is a stressful time, so any help will be appreciated. Just keep in mind that some moms prefer some space during this time, so don’t take it personally if your friend would rather a meal just be dropped off for now. She’ll come around as she finds her feet again, and your help is still appreciated even if she doesn’t have the bandwidth to thank you at the moment. Mom brain and sleep deprivation are real, and she just needs an extra dose of grace during this time.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 13, Mason, 11, and Slade, 8, and looks back fondly on the generosity of others during her time in the trenches, especially with three kids under 5 years old. She tries to pay it forward as often as she can.