As grandparents age, families sometimes have to make the decision to move them to a care facility. Seeing Grandma or Grandpa move out of their home and into an unfamiliar place can be frightening for children. Here are ways to make the transition easier:
Keep your children informed. Explain the move to your kids in age-appropriate terms as soon as you know it’s going to happen. Let your children know they will still be able to spend time with their grandparent on a regular basis.
Focus on the positives. Don’t say, “Grandpa’s getting too old to take care of himself.” Instead, say something like, “Grandpa’s moving to new home where they will take care of his lawn and fix him delicious meals.” Talk about the fun activities the new home has.
Put on a happy face. It’s normal for you to feel anxious about the move or sad that you can’t take care of your parent, but try not to show those feelings in front of your children. They will pick up on your anxiety and view the move as negative.
Read a book. Numerous children’s books focus on grandparents’ living in a care facility. Still My Grandma and Henry and Mudge and the Great Grandpas are two examples. Doing a search on www.Amazon.com or visiting your local library will turn up dozens of books to help your kids deal with aging grandparents’ moving to a new home.
Involve the kids. Children love to feel included, so ask them for help in making decisions about the move. Maybe your kids would like to make beautiful artwork for a grandparent’s new home or create a scrapbook for Grandpa to take with him. Helping with the move will go a long way in easing anxiety.
Explore together. Assisted living facilities are not the drab, boring places of yesteryear. They are bright, warm, caring homes with exercise rooms, classes and busy activity calendars. Dwayne J. Clark, author of My Mother, My Son and founder of Aegis Living, recommends that parents explore with their children to find all the facility has to offer. Many places have activities for grandparents and grandchildren to do together—even Wii bowling tournaments!
Get connected. Make a point to introduce your kids to caregivers and other residents to help them stay engaged in their grandparent’s life. Older children may enjoy volunteering at the facility or reading the newspaper to residents. Younger kids could make crafts or play games with residents.
Keep a memento. Does your child have a favorite thing in Grandma’s house? Maybe it’s a pretty apron Grandma wears when they bake cookies together or a knickknack on the mantle. Have your child ask if she can keep that special item as a reminder of Grandma’s home and their good times there.
Take additional steps if necessary. Sometimes serious and sudden health issues can result in a move to a senior home. Families can benefit from the advice above, but parents may need to take additional steps to help children cope with their grandparents’ health changes too.
Tisha Foley lives in Belton with her husband and two kids.