Happiness begins the moment you open your eyes in the morning. There are ways to carry that positivity throughout every moment of your day, from the first diaper change to the last bottle at night.
“If you have never been hated by your child, you’ve never been a parent.” – Bette Davis
Positive parenting focuses on building your children’s self-esteem, character and independence, so they have the skills to succeed as adults. Being a positive mom or dad requires a lot of work and discipline on your part, but the outcome is worth it. Always remember to be that positive role model for your kids and encourage good behavior. We can’t help but fall short of perfection, of course. However, in your children’s eyes, you are the perfect role model for a positive attitude.
“Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” – Harold Hubert
The desire to set a good example for your children begins the moment you give them their first snuggle. Infants are tiny sponges and will be happy when you talk to them, finding your voice calming. Answer when your baby makes sounds by repeating those sounds and adding words, which helps him learn to use language. Read to your baby, sing to your baby and play music. These are positive, fun ways to give little ones a love of both words and melodies. Cuddle and make sure your little one feels cared for and secure. Play with him when he’s alert and relaxed, and when you see signs of his tiring, take a break from playing. Distract your baby with toys and move him to safe areas when he starts moving and touching things he shouldn’t.
Don’t beat yourself up when your child tears a plant out of a planter then eats the dirt. Or your two little ones scream at each other over a toy. Remember, you are the maker of these two miracles and there is some of your personality in there! Work with them to foster a sense of independence, so they take responsibility for their actions. When you do have to discipline, be fair and consistent. Explain what your child did wrong so she can learn from the experience.
Your kids naturally watch you and repeat your behavior. If you model good behavior for them, they are more likely to pick up good habits. Behave the way you want them to behave and show them the qualities you want them to have.
“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” – author unknown
One tip is to ask yourself whether you’d be happy if your kids were acting like you right now. If not, adjust your behavior. For example, don’t yell at a driver who cuts you off in traffic, don’t throw that bill you don’t like across the room and try not to have disagreements with people in front of your children.
Schedule quality time with your child each day, as children sometimes act out when they feel neglected. Do your best to find time throughout your day to connect. This doesn’t need to be a lot of time as they get older, and even a few minutes could make a difference in your child’s day. Simply share one meal a day if you can. This may not seem like a lot of time, but it brings you and your children together on a regular schedule—whether you cook together or order takeout.
Another great option for quality time is to schedule a family night each week to watch a movie or play a game. Teenagers may want less regular time with you, which is normal. But if they do express a need to talk or spend time with you, make the time as soon as you can. Don’t reject their need for attention.
“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson
From their earliest age, remember to compliment your children for good behaviors—don’t just react when they do something bad or misbehave. In time, that can teach little ones they can get attention for bad behavior! Flip this and catch your children doing good things and praise, compliment and thank them. For example, if she is sitting quietly coloring, say, “You’re doing such a good job!” And praise the way your son interacts with friends or his sister and brother: “You played nicely with your sister. That was so nice of you.” As they get older, praise them for doing a great job cleaning their room without being asked. This teaches them they get more attention for being good.
Teaching compassion is imperative in today’s world and shows children that caring for other people is an important part of being a positive person. Start early and teach your child that there are other people in the world who face their own challenges. Model compassion and monitor your emotions and words when you encounter difficult people. Be kind and calm to show children how to interact with people in a positive way. Correct your child if she says something insensitive. For example, if she says, “That man seems really angry,” you can say, “We don’t know what he’s going through. He could be having a bad day.”
“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.” – Alvin Price
As children get a bit older, encourage them to do some volunteer work—and even do it with them. This can show them how other people live and why they should have empathy. When my son and daughter were early teens, we volunteered as a family to serve a meal at a homeless shelter through our church. Seeing the homeless children at the tables made a lasting impression on both of them and our entire family. As adults, they now donate clothing, food and time to charities.
Being a parent is a learning process and hard work. Remember, it is easier to enjoy your child at any age and to be a positive, loving parent when you are feeling good yourself. So be sure to model self-care for your children—it will do you all some good!
An avid outdoors girl, Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.
Sources: CDC.gov, WikiHow.life, MomJunction.com