Bringing home Baby is an exciting and emotional time. “I remember walking in the door of our house with my daughter for the first time. I was so excited, so scared. It was like we were coming home, but home was totally different,” says Elise Patch, Shawnee mom.
Baby’s newness and the learning curve of parenting present countless challenges. “After our son was born, we argued a lot. I think mostly we were both just so tired. It was an effort to remember that we were a team and to function as each other’s support. But that made all the difference,” says Georgia Welsh, Kansas City, MO, mom. The stress of sleepless nights, lack of personal time and the weight of parental responsibility are additional complications new parents face in those first days, weeks and even months. But eventually, the newborn fog will fade. Mom, Dad and Baby will have their own rhythm, and they will find their new normal.
Although this new stage with Baby bids farewell to some of the challenges of the newborn stage, it comes with complications of its own. All the hours Mom spends with Baby can create a wonderful connection between two, but many new mothers say they start to feel disconnected from everyone else when they are home with Baby. Here are some tips from metro area moms on how to stay connected to the world while taking care of a new baby.
- Attempt to take outings. Never getting out of the house tops the list of things new moms struggle with. “I knew I would be home with my daughter, but I had no idea that meant I would never leave the house. After a while, I started to feel trapped,” says Stacy Whitmore, Olathe mom. Even if all you do is go walk around your favorite store, walk in the park or walk the aisles of the grocery store, try to make it out of the house at least every other day.
- Reach out to friends and family. Let your loved ones know how you feel. To feel lonely at home with a new baby is normal and completely understandable—even though everyone knows you are never actually alone! “I didn’t expect to feel lonely. My son was there, right? But it isn’t like he can talk to me or interact with me. But I felt guilty for feeling lonely, so I didn’t talk about it much,” says Casey Atkins, Overland Park mom.
- Look for moms groups, playgroups or story times. Many local resources are available for moms and infants. Look for age-appropriate activities where you and your baby can socialize and get to know other parents in your area.
- Write in a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you express yourself and gives you a release. It also helps you take the time to focus on your own needs for a change, rather than only focusing on Baby.
- Get social online. Many new moms find comfort and friendship in online moms groups. This is a way to connect with others without leaving the house. Take the time to read the group descriptions to learn which ones might be the right fit for you.
Taking Care of You
An additional component of newborn isolation is that many moms mourn the loss of their pre-baby selves. While they are happy and excited about their new addition, they are saying good-bye to their freedom and, in some cases, hobbies and social activities. Here are a few ideas on how to keep connected to your pre-mom life post-baby:
- Pick your own entertainment. When Baby is sleeping, you are riding in the car or you have a few free moments, allow yourself to indulge. Listen to an audio book you love, play your favorite songs or put on the DVD of your favorite movie. Keeping these things in your life will keep you connected to your personal preferences.
- Schedule time for yourself. “Me time” is hard to come by with a new baby, but try to make it a priority. Even if all you do is take a nap, allow yourself that time to rest. If you feel like all you do is tend to others, you will start to realize that your own tank is running on empty.
- Squash the mom guilt. You are now a mom 24/7, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. Give yourself a break and let Dad, Grandma or a babysitter give you some help so that you can have a bit of time away. Baby will still love you, and the change of pace will be good for both of you!
- Build a village that gets you. Look for friends who understand you and with whom you can share openly. Friends who judge you are not the right fit. Online or in real life, look for mom communities that build each other up, allow you to ask for help and support you during your struggles.
Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer, wife and mother of three living in Overland Park.