You’re pregnant for the second time. As before, you’re ecstatic—but a rush of concern floods over you. Unlike before, you now have to consider another child’s feelings. How can you possibly fully prepare your current child to become a big brother or sister?
Unfortunately, you can’t prepare for everything. However, there are many ways to help your child feel confident, prepared and secure when a new sibling arrives.
Involve them
Follow your child’s lead. Some children want to be totally involved in every step of preparation. Some don’t understand or aren’t old enough to grasp what’s happening. Both of these are okay! Let children be as involved as they want, but don’t force them to do or feel anything.
Involve your first-born in decisions. This helps them feel like they are a part of the process. Ask, “What do you think the baby should wear in the hospital?” You also could include them in name conversations and countdowns. Have them help as much as they want. The soon-to-be big sib can participate in simple chores like washing and folding baby clothes or decorating the nursery to get ready for the new baby.
You know your child best. Invite them to join in preparations, then follow their lead with how much or how little they want to be involved.
Check in
You can usually tell how your child is doing emotionally. Even at such a young age. Check in with the new brother or sister often. Focus on casual and calm conversation. Use relaxed moments to talk to them about how they’re feeling, perhaps at dinner or other opportune times throughout the day. Make space for children to ask questions during your conversations now, as well as during pregnancy and when the new baby comes.
Preparation is key
Expose your child to babies beforehand, such as a friend’s sibling or cousin. Try not to make the first time they experience a young baby be when it’s in your arms at the hospital! Prepare them by saying things like, “The baby will cry a bit,” or “The baby can’t talk yet.” We know babies cry a lot, but a young child may not. Reiterate that, just like them, the baby needs to be taken care of by Mom and Dad.
You can also read plenty of books or watch special shows made to help children cope with such a large transition. Use tangible objects such as baby dolls or toys. Talk through new items in the home—or old ones you bring out of storage. You can share remembrances with your older child that, when they were a baby, they needed some of this gear to help them sleep, eat and sit, too! Also increase your older one’s independence in small tasks, such as putting shoes on, dressing or getting small items like wipes, diapers or their own snacks. This will help everyone in the long run, especially when you are preoccupied with feeding or changing a new baby.
Most importantly, assure your child that you will love them regardless of the changes.
Create space
As home changes, help your older child understand what is going on. For example, you could say, “This is where the baby will sleep! You used to sleep in a crib when you were a baby.” Or “This is the baby’s cradle. This is where Baby can safely sleep while we are doing other things at home.”
You will have to create a physical space in your home for the new baby, but don’t forget to leave space for your older child as well. Create a small basket of specific activities they can do while you feed or change the baby. Spend one-on-one time with a soon-to-be big sibling. This helps them feel special and seen. Once the new baby comes and if you are able, go on separate outings with just your children. If possible, swap these outings with a second caretaker. For example, you stay home with the baby while your partner spends alone time with your older child doing something special. Take them on a special one-on-one date somewhere fun like Wonderscope Children’s Museum or Sea Life Aquarium.
Once the baby arrives, have safe drop zones for the baby to sleep or lie down—somewhere the big sibling can see the baby but where the infant is kept safe. Be sure to go over these drop zones with big brother or sister ahead of time so they are aware that this is the baby’s designated space. Allow the older sibling to be as involved as they would like, getting items for the baby or helping Mom or Dad with small tasks like feeding, diapering or dressing. However, don’t force participation if your older child would rather not be involved.
Maintain routine
Your older child will feel and see things changing. Before the new baby arrives, solidify routines that have already been in place. This is where they will feel most comfortable. Clinging to familiar routines creates consistency, and consistency is what your child needs when it feels like so much is changing. Be sure those routines are solidly established ahead of time!
Ready or not
Some parents choose to have the new baby “give” a gift to their older sibling once they are born. You can take a special outing with your older to pick out a gift for the baby. This allows for a tangible gesture.
Before the baby is born, be sure to pack an overnight bag for the expectant sibling. This is something they can help with! Talk through the excitement of where they will stay, who they will stay with, and the special time and preparation. Allow whoever is caring for your older child at home, such as a babysitter, friend or relative, to be involved with additional prep. Your child and the caretaker might want to decorate your home as they wait for the new baby to come home. They can even make Mom, Dad and Baby welcoming signs, cards or other special treats. Remember to include the big brother or sister in the celebration if they want to be. When the baby is born, if the hospital allows, the new sibling can visit the new baby. If this is prohibited, they can video call after the baby is born.
Adding an extra family member can feel overwhelming or stressful to everyone, but with a few extra preparations the transition can feel much smoother!
Kailyn Rhinehart writes from Warrensburg, MO. She lives with her husband and two small children and believes going from zero to one child was much more difficult than adding another.