New for the holiday season, Erich Kunzel and the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra recorded selections from Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker for the GRAMMY Award-winning Telarc label. This family favorite is guaranteed to appeal to all ages! Both are available at Telarc.com.
Great New Family Travel Guide
In this personal yet practical guide, travel writer and mother of three Holly Hughes sends you across town and around the globe to some of the most exciting and memorable destinations on earth. Frommer’s 500 Places to Take Your Kids Before They Grow Up is packed with must-see destinations and must-do activities for kids of all ages—trips families will remember for a lifetime! Complete with travel and hotel information, age requirements, Web sites and more, this guide provides all you need to plan a trip the whole family can enjoy. $19.99
Learn to Avoid Over Committing Yourself
No matter what your situation, chances are you can probably relate to a scenario like this: Short on time, you’ve skipped the gym, and are preparing for a work presentation when your church leaves a message asking you to chair a committee. This reminds you that need to think of and buy a classroom gift for your daughter’s teacher. Later, tired and relieved you’ve nearly completed your to-do list, you remember the envelopes you promised the PTA you’d stuff by tomorrow. It’s no wonder you might snap at your family, mumble under your breath with every envelope grudgingly stuffed and wonder how on earth you got here. Experts say you should remember your frustration the next time you receive a request for your time.
Over Committing Has Consequences
Women are notoriously selflessly available to our families, friends, work and communities. But rarely do we care for ourselves with the same intensity. Sure, the community needs volunteers and most requests fill a legitimate need, but if you find that because of your inability to say no you haven’t been to the dentist in a few years and are making payments on a gym membership you never use, you’re probably over committing. You may not even realize that over saying yes can mean saying no to the things you really care about. It can also cause stress which contributes to low self esteem, depression, and even health problems like migraines, ulcers and a compromised immune system.
Carefully Evaluate Requests For Your Time
Pamela Peeke, M.D., author of Body For Life For Women , (Rodale Press) says women need to learn to prioritize and avoid what she calls helium hand, — your hand automatically goes up every time there is a request for volunteers. To avoid this, she says, carefully define your top priorities and evaluate all requests against them. A PTA meeting to discuss planting flowers around the cafeteria doesnt really bring you closer to your priority of spending more quality time with your children.
It’s also helpful to seek out volunteer opportunities that align with your priorities, says Natalie Gahrmann, author of Succeeding As A Super Busy Parent (Infinity Publishing). If spending time with your child is a priority, agree to be a story or home room mom. If using your skills to get noticed for possible future job prospects is important to you, consider highly visible positions like serving on a board. If you’re creative, it may be easier and less time consuming for you to write the community newsletter than to be the treasurer.
Be conscious of any tendency to automatically say yes to every request. If it’s fueled by your desire to be needed and appreciated, ask for more recognition from your family, colleagues and friends and pay attention when they give it- whether it is a hand picked bouquet of wilted wildflowers from your preschooler or a pat on the back from a coworker– maybe they’ve been trying to say thank you, but you’ve been running around so much you didn’t hear.
How to Compromise or Say No When Your Plate is Already Full
If you find yourself faced with requests you find worthwhile, but conflicting with plans already in place, consider alternatives, says life coach Karen Wright, of Parachute Executive Coaching. If you are asked at the last minute to make muffins for a teacher’s appreciation breakfast but intended to watch the video of your daughter’s dance recital with your family, don’t hesitate to buy the muffins on the way to school instead of shortchanging your daughter and feeling put upon while measuring flour.
What if you’ve carefully evaluated a request and decided it just doesn’t work for you right now? Simply state the same, without guilt or over explaining or apologizing. “Saying no is not impolite or disrespectful,” reassures Wright , “it’s being honest about your priorities.” Dr. Peeke says that a simple I’m so sorry, but that doesn’t work for me right now. Maybe next time. is really all that is needed. If you’re uncomfortable with being direct, consider using humor: Are you kidding? My husband will divorce me if he has to fly solo another night this week.
The Importance of Taking Time for Your Own Priorities
Experts agree that valuing your own time is by no means selfish and actually makes you a better parent, employee and spouse. By fulfilling your own needs, you’ll be more cheerful and focused. You’ll have the time and energy to be fully present for the tasks you chose to take on. Tracy Lyn Moland, author of Mom Management: Managing Mom Before Everybody Else (Gift of Time) explains “an energized, confident mother with a strong sense of purpose, balance and priorities sets an example for her children and those around her.”
Think about it. If you’re constantly answering your child’s pleas for attention with, “In a minute, honey,” or “After I’m done with this,” while completing everyone else’s requests, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate. You’re probably volunteering because you want your children to have a wonderful, rich experience during their school years, so look closely at your schedule and make sure you’re allowing enough of yourself so you’re giving them exactly that.
Tips To Avoid Becoming Over Committed
- Meet your physical needs first. Enough sleep, eating right and finding time to exercise are essential.
- Request time to check your calendar before committing. Then ask yourself if you can comfortably complete and be enthusiastic about the request.
- Generally overestimate the amount of time a task should take and then ask yourself if you’re still willing to do it.
- Whether you accept or decline a request, define what you intend to do in the future: I’m swamped right now, but will be less busy for the fall festival; I can help set up, but I need to leave by 11:00; I’m home room mom this year and am completely swamped with that.
- Consciously fill time you would normally spend over committing to your own self care. Once you internalize that, saying no could mean going to the gym or taking a long walk, it becomes easier.
- Make a list of all the things for which you intend to volunteer and the things for which you already have. Realize that you’ve volunteered before and will again.
- Speak up if you’re not being utilized effectively. Discussing colors of class t-shirts for half an hour wastes everyone’s time. Dont be afraid to say; I have an appointment after this, so I need to move on.
- Try to under promise and over deliver. Instead of promising a task in two days, commit to a week. When you finish in four days the requester is thrilled and you’re not as stressed.
Grammy’s Book of the Month Club
When our three-year-old twin granddaughters moved to another state, I wanted to keep our relationship flourishing. Up until then I knew what to buy them for gifts. But after they moved away, I began to wonder, what can I get the kids?
Their mother often took them to the library and they read together every day. So, I came up with an idea to encourage their reading, but most of all, to keep me and their grandfather in their minds – a Book-of-the-Month Club.
Here’s how I did it.
Getting Started
First, I purchased a book for each on their birthday. The inscription read Nana & Papa’s Book Club, the date and a short message. I wrapped it, stuffed it in a padded envelope and mailed it. Then I followed with a book on the monthly anniversary of their births. If I planned far enough ahead, I saved a little by mailing media/book rate.
Types of Books
Because of their age, I concentrated on picture books actually Caldecott award and honor books; those prizes given for exceptional illustrations. Now that they have entered school, I’m choosing Newbury award and honor books those chosen as the best books for any given year. I kept abreast of their interests skiing, skating, animals, drawing, soccer, ice hockey, camping, dancing, violin and piano.
Finding Good Books
I searched garage and Friends of the Library sales, grocery racks, discount, used and regular book stores. I watched the newspaper for recent publications as well as the holiday displays in local stores. The books cost anywhere from one to eighteen dollars.
My library helped. They suggested I review a book by R.R. Bowker called Reading in Series . Children love to follow one character through life’s problems as told in series books. Bowker lists the series in alphabetical order. Each listing includes author, grade level and details about the series. In the back, the books are catalogued by genre/subject, books for boys, girls and reluctant readers/ESL students. By talking to my daughter-in-law I discovered which series the girls liked. One preferred The Magic Tree House while the other liked anything on animals. Junie B. Jones books were another favorite.
Since we travel quite a bit, I sought out books about our destinations and looked in souvenir shops along the way. I collected books for my other grandchildren as well. Our two-year-old grandson loved his BuuuuuG book. All the girls treasured the Alaskan fish stories, Norwegian Troll legends, Hawaiian touchy/feely books on sea, sand and shells and history books.
Special Touch
My daughters-in law provided special shelves in the family room, bedroom or play room for a library. The grandchildren curl up on bean bags or floor pillows to read.
Because the author of one book is in my writers group, I pasted a picture of the two of us on the inside cover of the gifts. She inscribed the books for each grandchild.
Not only have I encouraged good reading habits, but I’ve kept our relationship with all our grandchildren growing through the book gifts. So the next time your parents ask, “What can we buy the kids?” suggest a book. Better yet give them this article and perhaps they’ll start their own Book-of-the-Month Club!
Parenting During the Holidays
Does Parenting change with the amount of sugar in your childs diet? I wonder The 4th Quarter of the Calendar Year does its best to confound every parent. Here are a few tools for the Big People that just might help even out the score!
Raising Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Chana Radcliffe (Collins) A frequent speaker on the parenting tour, Radcliffe has created this book based on her 25 years of counseling experience. One concept that grabbed my attention is her 80/20 rule – – 80% of your experiences with your child should be positive, 20% negative. She asks parents to visualize the adult you want your child to be. Her views on Parental Anger Management might mimic the Golden Rule, which is so much easier said than done. Radcliffe gives the reader concrete solutions to put this in action.
Raising a Self-Disciplined Child by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein (McGraw Hill) From the authors of Raising Resilient Children , this book focuses on the tougher topics of self-control, self-reliance and self-assurance. (Bigger kids, bigger problems, right?) If the parenting bell curve goes from neglectful to overprotective, this book tries to move us towards the middle. The reader might just recognize some areas to model this type of behavior as well.
The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw Hill) The author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution, Pantley returns with a guide to parenting younger children. Parenting is about teaching, and her four-part plan towards discipline helps build a strong relationship between parent and child so the teaching can be effective. A helpful resource at the back of the book outlines specific problems such as backtalk, hitting or sibling rivalry and what-to-do/what-not-to-do suggestions.
Ready or Not, Here Life Comes by Mel Levine (Simon & Schuster) Pediatrician Levine addresses the issue of work-life unreadiness in todays children. Success in school or on the athletic fields does not always translate into a life of independence. Overscheduled kids who are coached through childhood need to learn to make decisions on their own. Four key strengths of kids who make the transition to the adult world are: self-awareness, keen observation skills, mastery of tools to learn new skills and strong communication skills. Wheres the class that teaches these things?
80% parent, 20% child, Julie Hubble lives in Leawood.
An Ounce of Fire Prevention
Recently our family visited the annual “Family Fun Expo” in our town. We saw the latest gadgets and activities the modern family just can’t live without. In between the motorized baby jogger and “all-natural” toddler biscuits, was a booth operated by a local window manufacturer. It consisted of an inviting array of upright windows, which actually opened on to a roof, a very low roof. Now this was something my restless 8-year-old son could sink his teeth into. He didn’t know why these window guys were here, but was enough that they were inviting my children to “climb on through”. We would find out later that behind all this fun was a lesson waiting to be learned.
My son smiled with anticipation as the gentleman operating the booth explained the challenge ahead: David was to pretend there was a fire in the house. He was to unlock the window, open it, and crawl through on to the roof. The man would be waiting on the other side, timer in hand. My son emerged from the window all smiles waiting to hear the verdict: 37 seconds.
At this point the man asked, “OK, now that you’re out the window, where will you go next?” A period of blank silence was followed by the man’s gentle prodding: “Where is your ‘family meeting place’?” My son looked up at me. Now was the time when I was supposed to say: “Oh, honey, you remember our ‘family meeting place’, don’t you?” But I couldn’t. The fact is we don’t have a place to meet in the event of a fire. We don’t have an emergency plan at all. That plan was going to happen. Someday. Finally, I noticed the sign behind the booth, “Keeping our Families Safe: Fire Prevention in Your Home”. As we slunk away in embarrassment, my daughter chastised me, “Haven’t I always told you that we need to know what to do if there’s a fire?” She was of course right.
The truth is, my 12-year-old daughter has been coming home from school every October following the annual fire safety lesson, and reminding us that our family should have a plan. And I, like many other parents, have just not gotten around to making one. Fire is something that happens to someone else, right? Tell that to one of the more than 4,000 people who, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, die each year in home fire. There are more than 500,000 residential fires serious enough to be reported to fire departments every year.
I decided that it was time to take fire safety in our home seriously. In honor of Fire Prevention Week perhaps it’s time for your family to come up with a plan too.
According to the National Fire Protection Association, NFPA, there are three key areas that deserve our focus when planning for fire safety with our families:
Smoke Detectors:
According to the NFPA, roughly 70% of home fire deaths result from fire in homes with no smoke alarms or no working smoke alarms. Here’s what they recommend:
Install smoke alarms in every level of you home, including the basement.
Mount the alarms high on walls or ceilings.
Check the batteries once a month. Replace the batteries once a year.
Make sure the detector has a distinct warning signal that everyone in the family can hear and recognize.
Escape Plan
Every family must have a clear plan of escape once they hear the smoke detector
Start by walking through your home and identifying two ways out of every room. Be sure your child knows how to unlock and open the window in his/her room.
Draw out your escape plan, and post it so everyone in the family can see it.
Choose an outside meeting place (e.g. a neighbor’s house), a safe distance from your home where everyone can meet.
Remind everyone that they should get out first, and then call for help.
Make sure someone is assigned to assist family members with mobility limitations such as older adults or infants.
Put your escape plan to the test with a fire drill at least twice each year.
Keep Fires from Starting-
The best way to keep safe from fires is to prevent them.
If food is cooking on a stovetop, be sure an adult is in the kitchen.
Keep the stove clear of anything that could catch on fire such as paper towels and potholders.
Turn off portable space heaters and candles when you leave the room.
Keep matches and lighters out of sight and reach of kids.
Make sure electrical cords are in good condition, with no frayed or cracked areas.
Flammable liquids such as gasoline, propane or kerosene need to be kept in a safe container outside the home in a garage or shed.
If you are a smoker, make sure to put water on any butts or ashes before throwing them away. Use large, heavy, no-tip ashtrays.
Our family found that once we had these guidelines laid out, there really was no reason to procrastinate. The effort was minimal and we enjoyed working on this project together. The one area where we were definitely unprepared was the escape plan. Not to worry. A walk through the house, some discussion about meeting place and procedures, and an expert drawing of our escape plan by my daughter, and we were done. We practiced that evening, and it came off like clockwork. The alarm sounded, we escaped through the routes we had carefully chosen, and we met at the end of the neighbor’s driveway.
An hour later we were all safely asleep in our beds, quietly reassured that we really were safe should the unthinkable happen. It’s something we should have done long ago.
Resource for Parents:
The NFPA’s website, NFPA.org, is filled with lots of useful information for parents and educators. Children will have loads of fun and learn about all kinds of safety with “Sparky the Fire Dog” at Sparky.org.