Transitioning your child to becoming an older sibling is both exciting and challenging. While adding another child to the family provides your older child with a lifelong friend and playmate, the soon-to-be big sibling may feel reluctant to share his turf. Many parents worry about how their child will react to a new baby in the house and do their best to reassure their big kid that he is still very much loved and an important part of the family. There are some things you can do to make the transition easier for everyone. Here are some simple do’s and don’ts for each stage of the process of adjusting to a newborn in the home.
During Pregnancy
What to expect: Your child may anticipate that a change is coming as she watches you prepare the nursery and get things in order. She may start to act up because she doesn’t fully understand what is going on and the idea of a new baby seems abstract.
Do’s and Don’ts
- Do put off big changes like potty training or transitioning to a big kid bed.
- Do get a baby doll for big brother or sister to practice baby care.
- Do read books about families who add a new baby to the household.
- Do take the siblings class at the hospital, if offered and age appropriate.
- Do spend extra time with your child and reassure her that you love her.
- Don’t blame your limitations on the baby or the pregnancy, which can create negativity associated with the baby.
- Don’t promise an instant playmate.
Advice from KC parents:
- “I was most worried about going from one child to two. Fortunately, my oldest was excited to be a big sister and was protective of her younger siblings,” says Kelly Lawton, Olathe mother of five. “We always had conversations about the new baby that was coming. The siblings got to help name the baby, or at least be part of the discussion. They also helped put baby clothes in the dresser, make the crib cozy, and see the space for the new baby come together.”
At the hospital
What to expect: When your child visits you at the hospital, expect him to be off his routine and possibly out of sorts. Your child may feel scared because he sees Mom in bed, and he may worry you are sick. Some kids will seem aloof, worried or act up because they are unsure of their surroundings. They may also feel nervous about meeting the baby everyone is excited about.
Do’s and Don’ts
- Do greet him excitedly.
- Do make a big deal about the baby and the new big sibling.
- Do give him some undivided attention.
- Do take lots of photos of the big sibling moments.
- Do have some items to play with during the visit.
- Don’t frighten him when it comes to holding the baby.
- Don’t stay too long-know your child’s time limitations.
Advice from KC parents:
- “We had my oldest announce that he was getting a little brother in the family photos. Then we had him pick out a gift for the baby and surprised him with a gift from the baby’ when he was born,” says Jennifer Thibault, mom of two.
At home
What to expect: It is normal for your child to feel left out and jealous. Your child may go out of her way to get extra attention in both positive and negative ways. It’s normal for your child to have a variety of emotions as she adjusts-excitement, joy and pride but also sadness, frustration and jealousy. It takes time to adjust to a new family member.
Do’s and Don’ts
- Do let her help with baby care-bring a diaper to Mom, go get a clean blanket, sing a song to Baby.
- Do set aside time to spend time alone with your big kid.
- Do let her know Baby loves her and looks up to her.
- Do set up for distractions. Have some books available to read while you are nursing or busy with baby care.
- Do make Baby wait while you help your big kid.
- Do show her the benefits of being a big kid-big kids eat ice cream, play at the park, watch movies and stay up later.
- Do reassure her you love her.
- Don’t place expectations that are too high.
- Don’t expect things to be exactly the same as before. Whenever you add another person to the family, it is a big transition. Things will be different.
- Don’t be surprised if your child has some behavior issues. Try to be patient with her reaction to a new little one in the house.
Adding another child to the family is a huge transition for any family. In time, things do fall into a routine, and you will not remember when your newborn wasn’t part of the family. Your new big sibling will soon adjust to your growing family and develop a pride in his role as the older sibling.
Books for Older Siblings:
- Becoming the Best Big Sister Ever by Lena Liz and Natalia Aksmit
- Now That Baby Is Here by Kaela Teitge and Taryn Mason
- You’re the Biggest by Lucy Tapper
- I Am a Big Brother and I Am a Big Sister by Caroline Jayne Church
- The New Baby by Mercer Mayer
- Little Miss, Big Sis by Amy Krouse Rosenthal
- The World’s Best Bruffer by Ben King
- Here Comes the Mess by Marta Almansa Esteva and Silvia Romeral Andres
- Mommy’s Big Heart by Anastasia Popescu and Doina Axenti
- Gus Becomes a Big Brother: An Adoption Story by Heather Lonczak and Caudia Varjotie
- Welcome to the Big Kids Club by Chelsea Clinton and Taina de Regil
- What Brothers Do Best and What Sisters Do Best by Laura Numeroff
Sarah Lyons is a mom of six living in Olathe. She enjoys reading, writing and spending time outside with her family.