Parenting Truth Bombs

By Kim Antisdel | May 28, 2020

Let’s face it, parenting is hashtag freaking hard. In these uncertain times, it can seem even more challenging than ever before. Social media, television and even our own parenting friend circles can exacerbate our feeling that we’re just not doing it right or even well enough. Let me just assure you that you’re doing great. No one is perfect. My 4-year-old son wore his pajamas all day today. Never took them off once. And when he went to bed, I realized he’d had them on backwards the entire day.

So let me say that again: You’re doing great.

But hey, we all need a little extra assurance now and then, so here are a few parenting truths you just may need to hear right now.

Don’t believe the hype

Social media is on fire these days with over-the-top parenting posts. One mom is doing homemade gel nail manicures derived from the tears of unicorns with her three daughters. Another dad spent his weekend erecting an obstacle course in his backyard that rivals the set of American Ninja Warrior. Should you be doing this too? The answer is well sure, if you want to. But if the only activity you can muster for your child is a tattered coloring book and a handful of crayons you found in the couch cushions, that is fine too. There is no minimum amount of effort you must meet in order to interact with your children in a meaningful way. Be with your kids and keep your focus on them. That’s what matters.

Milestones happen

I recently saw an ad for a giant wall-hanging ruler that documents your child’s height over the years. I won’t lie, I had a mini meltdown. How had I not thought of this? After all, as a kid, I loved looking at the lines drawn on our kitchen wallpaper that displayed the growth of my siblings and me from year to year. Height is the easiest milestone on earth to document ¦ and I failed to do it. But then I came to my senses and gave myself a break. As a parent, I document as much as I can. My phone houses more photos of my family from the last six months than I have of my own entire childhood. Times are different. We may not be able to remember and celebrate every little thing. And that’s fine.

Your kids love you

This seems obvious, but please, hear that again. Your. Kids. Love. You. They may not always show it and may seem to work very hard to convince you of the opposite. But I promise, they love and need you more than words can describe. Kids today are navigating a new world they don’t recognize, and to make it more difficult, you as a parent are too. Keep your chin up and remind yourself that when your kids seem their worst, that’s when they need your unconditional love the most. You don’t need to do anything special or buy your way back into their hearts. Simply telling them you love them, you worry about them and you need them is all they really need.

You are still cool

Look at yourself in the mirror. You are raising tiny humans with your partner. You are responsible for keeping them fed, watered, quick-witted, empathetic and, eventually, self-sufficient. The task in front of you is not an easy one. In order to be the best mother or father within your power, some personal things will take a back seat. One of them is often your coolness factor. Gone are the days of your one-minute keg stand trick, and your wardrobe probably isn’t going to be influencer-worthy for a while. But that’s the whole point. If you thought life was all about you, you wouldn’t have had children. You love something more than yourself, and that means you are still cool, no matter what your kids say.

What goes around comes around

It’s far in the distance, but one day your children will thank you. A day many moons from now, when your own child is covered in baby vomit and can’t get her toddler to pee inside the toilet, she will call you. She will likely be in tears and say, “I’m so sorry I didn’t appreciate you more.” You will be able to see it in her eyes. The eyes that once looked you dead in the face and complained, “You’re ruining my life!” Parenting comes full circle. It’s the way it is, and it will never change.

This too shall pass

Who would’ve thought we’d be living in a time where children attended school virtually and toilet paper is a hotter commodity than summer concert tickets? We truly have been in the upside down, and standards-especially when it comes to parenting-need to be reevaluated. We’re all doing our best to make it through while keeping ourselves and our families healthy. It’s important to remember the hard and fast truth that this will not last forever. We will come out the other side, perhaps a little paler and with a few extra pounds, but we will make it nonetheless. And we will have more empathetic children marching into the future because of it. We are raising tomorrow’s heroes. And we are doing a dang good job.

My Five Parenting Confessions to Make You Feel Better:

My toilets haven’t been thoroughly cleaned in two weeks.

I once bought a new package of socks because I couldn’t be bothered to match the clean ones in the laundry basket.

I let my son eat Cheetos for breakfast last week because he said they were orange and that’s close to carrots.

I’ve completely forgotten my son’s name for several minutes. Don’t even get me started on his birthday.

I once told my son the park was closed at 2:00 on a Saturday afternoon so I wouldn’t have to go.

Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and toddler son.

Routine revamp – helping kids with autism in times of uncertainty

By Kristina Light | May 28, 2020

Changes in routine are tough for all of us, but especially for those who thrive and depend on predictability-particularly children on the autism spectrum. A sudden shift in routine can trigger meltdowns or anxiety, affect their ability to regulate or cause them to lose motivation.

I am by no means an expert, but I have gained valuable knowledge over the years from speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers and paraprofessionals. I’ve gotten to witness how preschool classes structure their days. I even got to join my son in his therapeutic 2-hour weekly class when he was 2 years old (one of the perks of separation anxiety). I absorbed as much as possible about how they structured that time, activities they worked on, techniques they used, concepts they focused on and tools they provided.

The therapists constructed a visual schedule for him for that 2-hour period of time. It helped ease the stress of transitions and showed him what to expect. (Example: First we play with toys, then we have music time, then we do a sensory activity, we have a snack, we play outside, then I get to go home.) It taught me some kids truly benefit from an hour-by-hour schedule. During times of uncertainty or any major life changes, it can restore some balance to their world.

Visuals, simple structure

Even at home, you can create a loosely-structured routine for just about anything. For example, our speech therapist designed a visual schedule for my son for “riding in the car” – a seemingly simple task, yet he had struggled with it after preschool came to a halt. The schedule lists each step (put on my shoes, gather my things, walk to the car, sit in my car seat). The goal is to look at it together, cross off each step and keep him on task so he knows what to expect. The key is consistency.

Our preschool teacher stayed in touch during springtime, emailing resources such as social stories. “Why Can’t I Go to School?” was one title that explained the coronavirus in simple terms for kids. If your child wasn’t enrolled in preschool this year and you haven’t had access to resources (such as visual schedules, online learning tools or videos), there are several printable visual schedule templates online. Check Pinterest, too. Explore the school websites for extra learning tools. You can even draw out your own on paper, a dry erase board or chalkboard.

Energy-busters

With fewer places to go the past couple of months (other than drive-thrus, walking trails or doctor appointments), children have had fewer opportunities to get their energy out-a very important part of autistic kids’ days. My son, for example, has his best days when we plan a special activity, such as a playdate, trip to the trampoline park, zoo day or park visit. It provides him with additional sensory input, a change of scenery and a chance to reset. Because that was not an option, I had to get creative-just like most parents had to.

I resorted to blowing bubbles in the living room when it rained outside. My son chased them around, popped them, jumped up and down. Sometimes we just played music from our Amazon Alexa device, and that got him moving. We utilized the small trampoline in our house.

Tip: Try clearing one room in your home (a playroom or open area downstairs or even the living room). Reduce clutter so your child has space to run around.

Small consistencies

Before lunch, if it’s nice outside, we try to get as much sunshine as possible, running around the yard or on our deck. I’ve started leaving our deck door open, when the weather permits, and let him take specific toys out with him. The key is consistent toys so he associates them with this activity. One day I brought his portable tee-pee tent out. He liked the predictability of this, and the next day he tried to drag it out by himself while signing, “Help.” Little consistencies like this can help your kids feel secure during a shift in routine.

Try to incorporate activities into your schedule even if it’s not necessarily a place you can go. We did teletherapy once a week with our speech therapist. My son has a visual schedule for that as well. We perfected our technique each week, and it was a positive consistency. He knew he would see her and laugh with her and learn with her once a week for an hour. We practiced colors, watched videos and listened to music, and she is great at guiding me through simple learning activities we can do at home.

I want to share a simple activity she suggested: working on preposition words (in, on, out, up, off, under). Repeating these simple words gives him opportunities to hear and imitate these words. We’ve been using plastic containers and toy boxes and putting toys or pieces of Play-Doh in them. I’ve tried using phrases like “put in” or “take out.” If we use Play-Doh tools I will give instructions like “cut” or “roll” for him to repeat.

Reach out to your pediatrician, Parents as Teachers contact, teacher friends, speech therapist or occupational therapist friends (or someone who can point you in the right direction of a good resource). Practice building a home routine and incorporating little consistencies into your day. Help your child adjust to life without social opportunities or a school structure. Most importantly, try to be patient with yourself and your child. You will find a new groove, no matter what bumps in the road you encounter.

Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, 4-year-old son and two dogs.

Simple Tips and Tricks for Organizing Photos

By Kristina Light | May 1, 2020

Are you behind on organizing your family’s photos? You’re in good company! With the rise in technology and the ease and accessibility of cameras on our smartphones, the sheer number of photos is overwhelming. So how do you come up for air in the sea of photos? Luckily, we do have some ideas and resources for you.

First, start with today, really. Take a look at your photos just from today and delete ones that don’t make the cut. Make this a habit while you’re relaxing in the evenings, so you only keep your best photos to organize. Depending on your time, patience and volume of pictures, continue deleting any photos you don’t wish to keep. Then if you have Amazon Prime, you can back them up using their photo app on your phone. Then a never-ending project for me is to catch up on years past by going back and weeding out my photo folders on my computer. If you have non-digital photos you’d like to digitize and be able to organize too, check out a service like LegacyBox.com.

Second, decide how and why you would like to organize your photos. Do you have a computer and hard drive you’d like to copy and paste them to? Do you want to organize them in the cloud? Do you want to make prints or print photo books? Or maybe you would just like to organize them better right on your phone.

Personally, I am old school and like to put them in folders on my computer and also back them up on an external hard drive. Ideally, I periodically plug my phone into my computer and copy and paste all my photos into folders. As for my folder system, I like to keep it as simple as possible. I create a new folder for each year on my PC and add monthly folders labeled with numbers first so they stay in order, for example “5 May 2020.” That method makes it easy to find certain photos when your kids start to need actual printed photos for school projects. Then I weed through those photos and delete and maybe even edit some. Sometimes I even make subfolders for birthday parties or for photos I want to print out.

Photographer and mother of three Terri Demarest says, “I have a folder for each season/year. So fall 2019′ is an example of one folder’s title. In that, I have subfolders if we go on a special vacation (such as one for Arizona’), and then the kids’ yearly photos get a folder (Everett 6YO’). The rest of the photos are in the main folder fall 2019.’ I also put videos in a separate folder there too and then all phone pics are in a folder called phone pics,’ which are both still subfolders for the main year/season.” Demarest says a seasonal reminder is helpful to remember to order new prints and back up her photos.

Jennifer Schmidt, mother of two, has yet another technique to organize her family’s photos. “Every event is in its own folder within the computer’s photos folder and labeled date first (year, month, day), such as 2014.06.13′ plus the name of the event. As you scroll down, the folders become more recent. Then each of my kids has their own separate folder within the main photos folder. Then I take photos that just my daughter, Haddie, is in and put them in subfolders in her folder, even if the photos are from the same thing like a trip to the zoo. The photos of my son, Mason, go in his separate folder, and Haddie’s go in hers. Then I have a whole other folder in the photos’ folder for that event that have photos of both of them together. I do split photos up from the same event, which I’m sure would drive some people crazy, but I like my system and I’ve done it since before the kids were bor,n so it’s easy to keep up with. My thought process is, if I ever need pictures of just Mason or just Haddie, it’ll be easy to find them!”

That leads to the discussion of prints and the importance of displaying family photos in your home. An article on DesignAglow.com showcases the importance of displaying family photos. “It lets children learn who they are and where they fit,” says Judy Weiser. a psychologist, art therapist and author based in Vancouver. “They learn their genealogy and the the uniqueness of their own family and its story. When a child sees a family portrait with them included in the photograph they say to themselves, These people have me as part of what they are, that’s why I belong here. This is where I come from.'”

But getting behind on actually printing physical copies of photos happens so easily. It’s just another line item on the to-do list, right? But if we would just sit down and take 10 minutes, we would be able to check that box and feel accomplished. Especially if our photos were already organized! Many businesses offer photo printing services with varying levels of quality, price and accessibility, such as CVS, Walgreens, Shutterfly.com and Mpix.com. So get those frames updated with fresh prints and see the delight on your family’s faces when you relive special memories together. Small photo books can be a fun gift for your children in stockings or Easter baskets or just because. They make nice gifts for grandparents and other family members too. Services like Chatbooks.com or subscriptions like GrooveBooks.com help you make small photo books from your phone and mail them right to your door

Personally, I made my children a baby book of each one’s first year using Shutterfly and then liked my neighbor’s idea of printing a family yearbook each year. I used Shutterfly for my first few and now am frustratingly years behind. I simply go in chronological order, giving each month a different background color. These books are such treasures to look back on the life you are building and living with your family. Demarest also makes a family yearbook using Artifact Uprising.

If you know me, you know I love a good podcast episode. An exceptional one about photo organizing is episode 41 on Laura Tremaine’s 10 Things to Tell You with guest Miss Freddy. This was my introduction to MissFreddy.com, and she is a wealth of knowledge and services available to help you get a handle on your photo organization.

So keep taking those photos and know that you can have a plan of action to maintain some order with them. Our children’s lives are incredibly well documented, and it really does bring me so much joy to look back on those moments both big and small. The key is to find a way that makes sense to you and that you will be able to maintain. I feel like this ties in with personality types a lot-but that’s an article for another day

Stephanie Loux is the mamarazzi to Layla, 9 ½, Mason, 8, and Slade, 5, who dabbles in photography and is grateful for her handy phone to capture her children’s childhood. She may have also made an entire photo book of her golden retriever, Thor, too.

Homemade Fun

By Kristina Light | May 1, 2020

Some classic fun can be made at home! Here are some easy ways to create homemade bubbles, lollipops and Popsicles.

Bubbles & Wands

Materials needed:

1 c. water

2 T. light corn syrup or 2 T. glycerin

4 T. dishwashing liquid

Mix together and have fun!

You can make many easy varieties of bubble wands. Here are a few simple ideas:

Bend a wire coat hanger into fun shapes and use it as a bubble wand. For a wand this large, aluminum pie plates work great to hold the bubble solution.

Bend pipe cleaners into favorite shapes and use them. These are easier for children to bend.

Use string and soda straws. Simply run some string through a soda straw or two (straws cut to be shorter work too) and tie the string together … essentially creating a straw necklace. Then hold onto the straws and dip the string into the bubble solution.

Straws work by themselves-but be sure to blow the bubbles and not the solution!

Lollipops and Popsicles

Buy inexpensive Popsicle molds and make your own frozen treats. Mix your favorite concoction, pour it into the mold, freeze and enjoy! Some favorites:

Lemonade

Instant chocolate, vanilla or butterscotch pudding

Fruit juice

Smoothie or milkshake mixes

Paint Popsicles. These are not edible but are lots of fun! Fill a Popsicle mold with tempera paint, freeze, pop out and let the kids use the paint pops to paint on white paper.

EASY Homemade Lollipops

Chocolate Lollipops: Purchase Wilton easy melt chocolates, molds and lollipop sticks. Melt, pour into the mold, and pop out when hardened to enjoy.

Jolly Rancher Lollipops: Materials you need are hard Jolly Ranchers, cookie sheet, aluminum foil, parchment paper and lollipop or Popsicle sticks. Preheat oven to 275°F. Line cookie sheet with a piece of aluminum foil topped with a piece of parchment paper. Unwrap and place Jolly Ranchers together in groups of two or three. Leave enough space between them so they won’t melt together and so you have room to place a stick in them as they soften. Place the baking sheet into the preheated oven and let the Jolly Ranchers melt together slightly together, about 6 minutes (watch closely). Remove from the oven and quickly twist the sticks into the melted Jolly Ranchers before the candies harden.

“No” Means “No”

By Sarah Lyons | May 1, 2020

“Can I have a piece of candy?” my daughter asked me one morning, right after breakfast.

“No, we aren’t going to have candy right now. It’s too early,” I said.

What followed was not my best mom moment. My child began to ask repeatedly for candy. I repeatedly said no, and the scene ended with my daughter trying to climb onto the counter to reach the candy. I took her to her room, where she cried for several minutes and we both ended up tired and frustrated.

How can one avoid this scene or at least improve the situation? Getting your child to accept your answer of no and move on can be easier with some time and training.

Give a short explanation

Your children will better understand your reason for saying no to them if you give them a reason. Amy Cameron, Olathe mom of three says, “When I tell them no, I usually give them a why. I think they’re more likely to accept my answer when they understand.” Make sure your answer is short and to the point. If your children ask for a new toy, the answer can simply be, “No, we can’t afford to buy a new toy today.” Be careful not to get pulled into back talk or arguments that all their friends have one. Keep your response short. “I said no.” If your child continues to engage, walk away and do not look back.

Be consistent

The key to training your child that your answer stands is to remain consistent. Once you have decided to say no, do not change your mind. Giving in after you have said no teaches your children you can be worn down if they are persistent enough. “Consistency is key,” says Janelle Waldron, mom of five. “If I say no, I don’t change my mind. I also try to take my time answering. That way I don’t say no too quickly, and I can make a better decision.”

Talk later

Talking about your rules and expectations is particularly important to do when your child is calm and you are not in the middle of discussing whether or not your child can have something asked for. After the fact, sit down and let your child know that when you have made a decision, it is final, and you will not change your mind no matter how much pleading and pestering he does. If the begging continues, you will walk away and will not discuss the topic further. This is also a good time to explain why you say no to things. Typical reasons are the activity is not safe, your child isn’t old enough, you cannot afford it, it is not healthy or it goes against your family beliefs or values. These reasons are not debatable. Keep your discussion calm and listen to your child. Let him know you understand why he is upset with your decision but you will not be changing your mind. Give healthy suggestions that can help your child deal with anger in the future. Some ideas could include going to his room to calm down, taking a walk, breathing deeply, or doing something he enjoys, reading, drawing or building with Legos. Keep the discussion positive and if it starts to get heated, walk away.

Starting the training process at a young age is easier, but you can start at any stage of parenting. Training can take months or years as your child pushes the limits and tests you for inconsistency. Parenting is always a challenge, but raising a child that understands healthy boundaries and safety is worth it.

Sarah Lyons is a part-time freelance writer and full-time mom. She lives in Olathe with her family.

Keep Your Kids Busy … and Maintain Your Sanity!

By Kerrie McLoughlin | May 1, 2020

I truly believe that boredom can be a gift for our kids because it forces them to get creative-and get along. It never hurts to put a few fun suggestions in front of them to get them started. Some of the following ideas kids can do on their own, and some you’ll want to get involved in.

Lego Masters

Break out the Legos because kids of all ages can get in on this one. Start by taking turns tossing out ideas for things to build. If you’re stuck, you can find great ideas on printable Lego cards online. For example, you might tell the kids to build a refrigerator, then everyone tries their best to build one. Everyone’s creation will be different, so it’s not really a competition, but it’s fun seeing what everyone comes up with! After you’re done building, pop some popcorn and turn on Lego Masters (Hulu).

Art Show

Kids love to draw and color! I have tons of artwork on my fridge, but how about really showcasing their special artwork of the day? All you need is a long piece of thin rope or yarn strung from one end of a room to another. Hang finished pictures using clothespins, pretend you’re having a grand gala opening, serve some snacks, and you have an art show! Bonus activity: Get some canvases, paint and a variety of paintbrushes, so the kids can create art to hang on your wall that can be switched out with other pieces they’ve created.

Restaurant

I loooove when my kids play restaurant because I get to be the diner sitting at the table reading my book while they serve me different foods and drinks! They get to play waiters, hostesses, managers and cooks (depending on age and what they are making, of course). What a great opportunity to do some cooking and baking with them as well!

Play-dough

This one just takes a few minutes of your help, and then the kids can take off on their own, creating for hours. You could always just buy the stuff, but here’s a simple recipe, as well. Pair with a rolling pin and cookies cutters for even more fun!

1 c. flour

½ c. salt

1 c. water

1 T. oil

2 t. cream of tartar

Food coloring

Mix all ingredients, except food coloring, on low heat in a pan. Once the consistency is that of play-dough, take pan off heat, let cool, then add food coloring a few drops at a time. Knead until the color is all mixed. Grab some cookie cutters and other kitchen items and let the fun begin! Store in air-tight containers or baggies.

Write and illustrate a story

Kids are full of stories, but some aren’t old enough to write them down. That’s where you come in! Have each kid tell you a story that’s been running around in his mind, and you can either write it out or type it. Then have your child illustrate it! If you’re creating the story on the computer, you can go to free photo sites like Pixabay to grab images for the story!

Scavenger hunt

Take out a piece of paper and write down different items in the house. If you have two teams doing the scavenging, write the same items down on another piece of paper. Ideas include a winter glove, a cotton swab, a doll shoe, a pie pan, etc. Send the teams off, and whoever gets back with the most items from the list first wins a prize.

Play with your food

Break out the mini marshmallows and spaghetti noodles and have the kids construct creations like houses, bridges, towers and more! If you have rice around (and you should right now!), put a bag into a large baking pan and let the kids play around in it on the kitchen floor. Excess can be vacuumed up, and the rest can be put into a bag to play with later.

Perler beads

You may know them as those things that go crunch when you vacuum, but kids recognize them as hours of fun! Using flat, plastic shapes with spikes, kids can create all sorts of things by placing Perler beads in different patterns. You can turn creations into necklaces, magnets, cool things to put inside school binders! Once the beads are in place, you’ll need to place parchment paper over them and iron on low until the beads melt together. Flip it over and do the other side, then they are stuck together and ready to go!

Salon

This is another one of my favorites because I usually can get a 5-minute back or neck massage while playing this. It’s also a blast to have the kids do my makeup, wipe it all off and start again. Then I get to do their makeup or, for my boys, tattoos on their arms using washable markers. Then it’s time for a bubble bath for the kids to wash off makeup-and germs, for the parenting win!

Marco Polo

No, I’m not talking about the swimming pool game! I’m talking about the smartphone app that lets you leave video messages for friends and family. Depending on the ages of your children, let them make all the video messages they want for their friends and especially for grandparents! My own dad and grandma love to see what we’re up to each day indoors and in our backyard.

Kerrie McLoughlin doesn’t really mind being safely tucked inside with her five kids and does all the things on this list! Check up on her at TheKerrieShow.com.