Growing Gratitude

Our children are loved and supported by so many people. Grandparents, friends, neighbors and teachers give their time, money and energy to be a part of the village that turns our littlest family members into the amazing people we know they are destined to be.

And though we encourage the use of “please” and “thank you” for good manners, teaching kids how to be truly grateful and thankful for what they’ve been given is a different proposition. Teaching empathy and understanding of others is integral to raising a child who is kind, thoughtful and, most importantly, self-aware.

So how do we instruct our children to grow in gratitude? After all, small children and toddlers don’t naturally view gratitude as a high priority. Thankfully, the holiday season offers the ideal setting to focus on this subject. Use these months to focus on identifying opportunities to be grateful. Make it a family priority, then carry that momentum through the rest of the year.

Practice basic manners. The entry level for graciousness is manners. Teaching children to say “thank you” when they receive a gift or help from a friend is a must. Do not accept anything less than a clear, vocal expression of the phrase when it’s warranted. (This is a perfect situation in which to encourage the art of eye contact, too.) If your children aren’t sure why they need to do this, take the time to explain. “Saying ‘thank you’ shows appreciation for what Sissie did for you. She helped you set the table, and you’re letting her know it felt so good to have her help.”

Be the example. You are a direct line of sight to the world for your children. If they consistently witness you whine, complain and scream in frustration when things go awry, rest assured they will duplicate that behavior in their own lives. They will grow to find the negative in all things—and that’s no way to grow up. The good news? A grateful person is almost always met with a smile, a friendly exchange and a lasting warmth for everyone involved. Changing your habits to be gracious and kind will make you and your children feel better. You will come to crave that feeling and share it with others. Everybody wins.

Start at home. It’s easy to be grateful when a stranger compliments your outfit or lets you cut in line at the grocery store. But what about being thankful that your partner makes your daily morning coffee without your asking? Or your oldest child helped you look for your car keys when you lost them this morning? At home, we tend to get lazy about voicing our appreciation for things that seem mundane. In reality, those daily acts of love and kindness deserve the most attention and appreciation. Act accordingly.

Narrate your thankfulness. You already know kids are always listening. That’s why they figured out this year’s Christmas present is a trip to the beach. Capitalize on that free air time. Not sure how? Find a reason to be grateful and speak out loud about the who, what and why that make you grateful. “Ava, that man just held the door for me when I had full hands! He didn’t have to do that. I’m so thankful he helped me out so I didn’t drop anything! Thank you so much, sir!”

For younger children, consider playing the gratefulness game. Encourage little ones to identify three things in their life for which they are thankful. The initial response might be a lot of “I’m thankful for cookies!” Stick with it, though. Share your own thoughtful examples and you’ll be amazed how quickly you hear the same from them.

Support a charity—in person. Extra time is in short supply, so it’s tempting to write a check to support your favorite charity. (By the way, that’s awesome. Keep doing it!) But do your children see you giving back? Do they understand what it means to that charity to receive your support if your children don’t see any tangible action on your part? Probably not.

Let’s do better.

Bring your child along to a donation drop-off of clothes, food, electronics and toys at a local charity and let them help bring the items in. Seek out an elderly neighbor who needs help bringing in the morning paper or whose car needs a wash. 

During the holiday season when greed and selfishness are at annual highs, consider adopting a local family in need. Read their story aloud to your children and let them choose and wrap the items that you give. When the time comes to meet the family and drop off the gifts, your children’s hearts will explode in the best way. They will witness gratefulness in the purest way, and it is impossible to forget.

Find the good. We discussed speaking positive thoughts, but it’s just as effective to seek the positive. Find teachable moments in the most challenging of situations. Luggage lost at the airport? Remember, your kids are watching. Take a breath, curb the curse words and say something like, “I know the airline worked very hard to get our luggage here, but something must have gone wrong. Mistakes happen. Now we get to go on an adventure to find our suitcases. Let’s go!”

Though easier said than done, it can be done! Show your children that though it is difficult to be gracious in a difficult situation, it’s undeniably the best way to go. Not only are you teaching resilience, but also kindness and compassion. And who doesn’t need more of that in this world?

Three Quick Ways to Bolster Being Grateful, Starting Today:

1. Share at suppertime – Implement an “I’m Grateful for …” moment at every dinner, starting tonight. Everyone shares something they are thankful for as dinner begins.
2. Stop comparing – Rather than saying you wish you could afford to go to Disneyland for vacation, focus on how grateful you are the family was able to enjoy the lake this summer. Look at pictures together and let the memories roll!
3. Start a journal – For older kids, having gratefulness dinner convos may not be possible. As an alternate, buy a blank journal and set it near the front door or in a common space. Encourage your family to write a quick note about something they’re grateful for at any time. At the end of the week, read the journal out loud to each other. (Hint: You’ll have to do this first to encourage participation!)

Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.