Slow Down Mommy!

    In a society that constantly tells us to go, go, go…is it okay to slow, slow, slow down? Everything around us becomes faster, sleeker, uber-efficient and more compact. Oh, and it’s our job to keep up. As I was speed walking on my treadmill one morning, I pondered how this high octane pace affects me as a mother. Working and stay-at-home moms are cranked up like wind-up toys and unleashed into the world daily. As caretakers, we feed, bathe, clothe, diaper and diaper again; run kids back and forth to daycare and/or school; attend field trips, story time at the library, play dates, dance classes, sports events, and I don’t know…maybe a dozen other things. The thought of all the rushing had me walking so fast on the treadmill I almost fell off.

    As I regained my composure and slowed my speed a few notches, I thought about my additional daily responsibilities in addition to caring for my children: clean house, buy groceries, laundry, writing and paying bills, just to name a few. Oh and maybe, just maybe if I’m lucky, I can squeeze in some extracurricular activities like work, exercise, shower and breathing. Phew! And this is on a “normal” day! I thought about my current circumstances: I was squeezing in a 20-minute treadmill session during my twins’ naptime, I was already exhausted from a vomiting baby the night before, pick-up time for my preschooler was within the hour, the house was a certified disaster zone and my husband had been out of town all week. All that combined with the rest of the go, go, go made me stop, stop, stop walking. I was exhausted.

    On completion of my brief exercise session, I realized that I had answered my own question. Yes, it is okay to slow down. In fact, it’s crucial for this mom’s emotional, mental and physical well being to exit that packed-full stream of life every once and awhile. But the harder question for this over-booked, ultra-expectant overachiever is…how? How do I slow down? Raising infant twins and a 2-year-old has forced me to come up with at least a few solutions.

I don’t have to be Disneyland for my kids everyday.

    I discovered that my obsession with stimulating the minds of my children was wearing us all out. I felt that if I wasn’t constantly dragging them to story time at the library, play dates at Zona Rosa and Kaleidoscope at Crown Center, their little minds would be forever stunted. Instead, their little minds were over-stimulated. On days when mommy needs to slow down, overloaded children become even more difficult to handle than on a “good day.” My kids need downtime just as much as Mommy. It’s okay to skip the Kansas City activity tour to hang out at home and play together or watch a movie.

Do you have to buy new underwear yet? No? Then skip laundry for today.

    Sometimes I get the nutty idea that if I don’t do laundry or some other kind of household chore, that I’m a) a slacker b) a bad person or c) not earning my keep. What? If I have a vomiting 11-month-old, a husband out of town and a writing deadline, I think allowing a chore exemption is warranted. So let’s add d) none of the above. It’s okay to let chores go for a day or two.

You are getting very sleepy…

    My girls are all down for a nap, and what’s the first thing I think about? How much I can squeeze into an hour, maybe two (if I’m lucky). Can I do all the activities I listed in my opening paragraphs? Absolutely not, so why even try. If abstaining from unloading the dishwasher during naptime will make me a crazy person, then I’ll do it. But what doesn’t work for me is trying to unload the dishwasher, clean the bathrooms, vacuum, write a story or two and check e-mail with the expectation that it will all get done and I will feel good about it. Usually, I am so tired beforehand, that even if I complete half of my list I become Erin Sleepwalker for the rest of the day--Erin grouchy Sleepwalker. When I have one of my “Ah ha, I need to slow down moments,” I try to honor it by resting. By resting I don’t necessarily mean “sleeping.” Rest for me can translate into reading a good book or watching one of my 20 favorite DVR’d shows I haven’t gotten around to.

Lower your expectations and remove the guilt.

    Even strung out with little sleep and sick kids, I can still rack up a list of expectations fit for Wonder Woman. Oh, and have I mentioned that I am not her? And when I can’t achieve said list of ridiculous expectations, I am seized with Wonder Woman sized guilt. Lowering expectations does not equate to lazy mom. Instead it allows me to maintain and regain the energy needed to resume my go, go, go life. Feeling guilty about having a day or two of limiting activities, doing minimal chores and resting is not going to scar my children, nor is it going to make me a bad mom.

    Although I realize that I am not Wonder Woman and need to slow down, I still fall victim to trying to do as much as I can possibly do at all times. Not only is this tactic faulty, it’s not healthy. I can reinforce this by sharing what I discovered days after I wrote this article: I had bronchitis. Walking on my treadmill is great, but not when I’m feeling icky, have a hundred things to accomplish and only “earth” time to accomplish them in. Now that I’m done writing, I think I’ll go relax, have a cup of tea and do some reading before the twins wake up…then again, the dishwasher needs unloading.

Erin Davis lives in Kansas City with her husband and three children.