The Play-Dating Game
Problem: You just had a baby and feel disconnected from single friends and child-free friends and acquaintances. Unlikely solution: You are lucky to have a wonderful core group of friends, all of whom have children and are thrilled to be your support network in this new stage of your life. Likely solution: Get back in the game, start play-dating, and make some new friends.
Just like the single woman trying to meet her dream guy goes to bars with friends, asks to be set up, and hits the online dating sites, new moms also need places to go to find likeminded people to be their new friends. Sure, you could stroll the mall on any weekday morning or hang out in the baby sections of department stores or supermarkets, but that might make you feel a little pathetic. Instead, take the advice of someone who's been there, someone who has mastered the art of play-dating and has come out on the other side with a handful of good friends.
As a new mom, your world is full of feedings, diaper changes, crying spells (you and the baby), and utter chaos. You are overwhelmed with concerns about diaper rash, teething, cradle cap, and growth spurts. The only people who can truly understand you are fellow new moms. So where do you find them, you ask? Anywhere and everywhere!
- New mom groups: Most hospitals offer a new moms support group. Call the hospital where you delivered, as well as any other area hospitals. Just because you didn't deliver there doesn't mean you can't go there for support.
- Places of worship: Oftentimes churches and temples have mommy and me groups. You don't have to be a member of their congregation to go this route. Depending on your area, these groups might be for any mom, not just new ones. So you might meet the mom of a five-year old. But she just might have a neighbor who recently had a baby.
- International MOMS Club (MomsClub.org): This worldwide organization has chapters all over the US where you can join for a small fee and meet other moms in your area.
- Newcomers Club (NewcomersClub.com): This site shows you all the moms, neighbors, and newcomer groups in your area. Joining groups like these gets you out there and meeting new people who in turn could introduce you to new moms.
- Meetup and other online sites: (Moms.meetup.com) It takes some searching but the internet can be a great place to search for other moms in your area. Just typing in "moms group" and your town and state brings up a bunch of sites you might never have found otherwise.
- Baby classes: You're doing this as much for the baby as you are to meet people. Be it mom and baby yoga at the local library or more structured gym and music classes, these offerings are a great place to meet moms. These classes are organized by age and kept to a set size, so they are a good place to actually talk to other moms and get to know their kids. Check the local YMCA or health clubs to see what they offer.
- Library lap-sit: These story times for little ones are also organized by age and free! If you go to your local library, you'll most likely be meeting people who live close by.
- Story time at bookstores: Most of the larger booksellers offer story times in store. Check their websites for more information. If you meet someone you like, you can always go get a coffee in the store's café and keep talking.
- Word of mouth: Mention to everyone you encounter that you just had a baby. I met one of my best friends because I was at my own doctor's office and I mentioned to the receptionist that I was stressed out because of my newborn's reflux, and she told me that I had to get in touch with her daughter who was dealing with the same issue. We became great friends.
- Put yourself out there: It can be scary and reminiscent of those dating days from the past, but you've got nothing to lose. If you meet someone and you like them, tell them and see what happens. I "picked up" the nurse who was seeing me after my mammogram; I liked her and we started chatting. I asked her if she had kids and she did, one of whom was the same age as my son. Turns out she lived near me, too.
Once you meet a few people you like, keep in touch. Invite them over to play; again this is as much for you as it is for the babies. The babies can lie on the floor, in your laps or even in your carriers, it doesn't matter. As long as you two can chat and get to know each other better. And invite her over with her husband for a family barbeque or brunch.
Sometimes, it simply doesn't work out. Just as you have gone on dates and not wanted to see that guy again, you might meet a mom and get together once, only to realize she's not the friend for you. That's okay. You might be feeling desperate right now, but it will pass. It's important to find a handful of people with whom you share a genuine connection. You need friends who understand your fatigue, your new-mom body, and your crankiness like only other new moms can.
No matter what you do, it's going to be scary and challenging. It's not like you don't have enough on your plate right now. But having some new friends to share it with will make all the difference. So put on your happy face and get out there. It's time to start play-dating.