Keep It Up

A special excitement accompanies the back-to-school time of year, but as the newness of a new grade, new teacher and new classmates wears off and the school year kicks into high gear, the anticipation fades. How do you encourage and motivate your child to keep working hard throughout the year?  

1. Less is more- As tempting as it can be to sign up your kids for all of the fun extracurriculars available, remember to determine what your child and family really can handle. A favorite quote of mine, by John C. Maxwell, is “Learn to say ‘no’ to the good to say ‘yes’ to the best.” Soccer, swimming and debate teams can all be good, but if grades are slipping and family relationships aren’t where you want them to be, taking some things off the list may allow breathing room for what’s best for your daily and weekly lives. You may also implement your own rules, such as grades needing to be at a certain level in order to participate at all in extracurriculars or each child’s being in only one extracurricular at a time. I personally love this idea but still find sticking to it a challenge. We limit our kids to two activities at a time, one in the arts and one athletics-based, but I’m always aware of trying not to do too much.

2. More is more- Kids do need more of some things to keep them healthy and ready for schoolwork all year long. Things such as more sleep, more time with family and friends, and more down time are positives for kids. According to SleepFoundation.org, children’s sleep needs are: 

• Toddlers (1-2 years): 11-14 hours
• Preschoolers (3-5): 10-13 hours
• School-age children (6-13): 9-11 hours
• Teenagers (14-17): 8-10 hours

How do you accomplish this?  Limiting nightly activities, enforcing stricter bedtimes, shutting down screens and starting a bedtime routine earlier are all tactics to help.

3. Institute rewards- When I was in school, we received quarterly report cards, and our parents gave my brother and me a dollar for each A and a $5 bonus for straight A’s. If your child’s ears don’t perk up for money, maybe a trip to a favorite restaurant, a new pair of shoes, a gift card to a favorite store, movie theater tickets, or an extended curfew would add that extra motivation to work hard throughout the school year.

4. Learn along with/show interest in what your child is learning- Engage in what your kids are learning about. Read a historical fiction novel about a topic the kids are covering to have spark new discussions. Have your kids teach you how to do their math assignments. Creating the idea that we are all lifelong learners can help keep learning in a positive light. In the same vein, head to a museum with an exhibit on something your children are learning about to make what’s happening at school come to life for them.

5. Make family time commonplace and accessible- Make a point to sit down together for family dinners when you can and create or maintain other family traditions to look forward to together. Connect together for pizza and movie night on Fridays or game night on Tuesdays. Neighborhood walks or bike rides together after dinner are a simple way to be together (and fresh air and nature never hurt), or getting season tickets to a sporting event or even watching a specific show together can make children feel connected and have something to count on. Family dinners have many benefits and, according to TheFamilyDinnerProject.org, dinner is “a time to relax, recharge, laugh, tell stories and catch up on the day’s ups and downs, while developing a sense of who we are as a family.”

6. Praise- An encouraging word goes a long way, so try to speak positive encouragement each day. KC Parent Magazine’s own electronic media manager and mother of four, Kristina Light, once spoke at a MOPS meeting I attended a few years ago at Grace Church in Overland Park. She shared a great idea called “Five Things I Love About You,” and my kids love it!  The idea is sweet and simple. Begin counting off specific things you love about each child on your hand and end each time with “I love being your mom!”  I should make it more of a habit, and even as they get older and roll their eyes, they still light up when it’s their turn to be loved on. Cara Johnson, teacher and mother of three, suggests, “For younger kids, I think it’s important to go through the items they bring home and LISTEN about each one. Maybe they could collect over the week and have a ‘share fair’ on a specific day, especially if you have multiple kids. I also try to plan a day to volunteer or visit their school to eat lunch sometime in October.”

7. Take breaks- Schedule in downtime. Have a couple days a week that aren’t filled with extracurricular activities or engagements. Give kids those days to just be kids and have time to do what they want, whether that be playing outside, building with Legos, drawing, reading, etc., and stick to it. Kids need us to set boundaries for them. Then when a friend invites them to some event, your kids will have a built-in excuse that it’s their family’s home day, unfortunately, and they can blame you but secretly thank you for the excuse. On the flip side, accepting the invitation would actually be a possibility if you and your child agree because you won’t be swamped with your own activities every night of the week. Breaks apply also to phones with older kids. Make it a house rule that phones are put in a basket during dinners and are charged in the parents’ room or downstairs for the night. Relieving kids of the common pressure to be in constant communication or access can be freeing. My kids enjoy the activities they sign up for, but they especially love a free afternoon and evening after school where they don’t have to be shuttled around and hurried.

8. Stick to a routine- School days can be long days on their own, before adding in any additional meetings, clubs or practices before or after. Creating a routine to ensure homework gets done and sticking to it can be incredibly helpful. You may need to be flexible, depending on each day, season or even child, but maybe after an afternoon snack, homework needs to be completed before any free time is enjoyed. Or maybe older kids can do homework after dinner and before a set time each night. Also, try to tackle one of your responsibilities during the same time as your child’s activity  (such as making dinner, checking end-of-the-day emails, meal planning, etc.) and then do something fun together when the work is complete, like walking the dog, playing at a park or playing catch. Joellyn Nauman, mother of three, says consistency is crucial. “We do our work first before we play. (This is also true in the summer as I give them ‘homework’ such as reading a book, writing a few sentences, doing some math flashcards, etc.) Once you begin to let schoolwork slip, it's very difficult to get back into it. Routine is a good thing!”

Stephanie Loux is the mother to Layla, 9, Mason, 7, and Slade, 4, and is always on the hunt for the unicorn that is balance as a parent.