Discovering when it’s time to move on

Natasha Gleason’s daughter started out loving music and piano lessons. It was fun, and she learned valuable lessons such as hand-eye coordination, confidence, and academic skills.

Yet Gleason eventually found herself having to remind her daughter to practice, and the excitement surrounding the piano waned. At the same time, she was always excited for soccer practice and games. Slowly, piano lessons had become just another activity on the calendar, while soccer had become more meaningful to Gleason’s daughter. The family decided to stop piano lessons.

“It was the best thing we could've done for her and our family,” says Gleason, a Lee’s Summit mom. “She was able to focus on soccer and developing her skills without piano practice lurking in the background. As a family, we had more quality downtime to spend together doing fun things that deepened our relationships with one another, instead of rushing from one activity to the next.” 

As Gleason discovered, many families struggle with balancing various extracurricular activities. Determining how many activities a child should be involved in can be difficult, as can discerning when the time has come to move on from an activity.

First and foremost, if the child simply isn’t enjoying the activity anymore, consider that it’s likely time to move on. Extracurricular activities are designed to be fun and educational, but if they become a burden, they are no good to anyone in the family.

Sometimes, as Lee’s Summit mom Jennifer Campbell discovered, a child might enjoy an activity but find his grades slipping. Campbell’s teenage son was in football when his grades began to decline. Although they didn’t drop enough to force him off the team, the decline was enough to concern Jennifer. The family decided he needed to quit the team mid-season in order to focus on his grades.

Scheduling and logistics can also become reasons a child needs to quit an activity. It’s not always practical to chauffeur three children to three different activities on the same night. Instead, children in a family might need to take turns with activities. For example, one child might play soccer in the fall but sit out during the spring so a younger sibling can have the opportunity to play at that time.

Other times, a child might enjoy an activity, but the activity might begin progressing beyond his ability level. A child might have a passion for the game of baseball. But if after coaching, practice and experience on a team he finds he simply isn’t hitting the ball accurately enough to keep up with his peers as the game becomes more competitive, he might need to step back and find other less demanding recreational opportunities to enjoy the sport. 

Although many worthwhile activities are available, a child can only participate in so many at one time before experiencing burnout. All kids need time for homework and downtime to simply enjoy childhood. There is value in a child’s learning to come up with creative ways to spend unstructured time. Additionally, having downtime as a family to simply enjoy an afternoon or evening together is very important to making memories and building relationships. If activities fill every waking hour, families miss these opportunities.

Although Gleason withdrew her daughter from piano lessons, the family kept in mind she could resume lessons in the future if she missed music and it became feasible again. Turns out Gleason’s daughter didn’t miss the piano lessons—but sometimes leaving behind an activity is only for a season, not a permanent change.

Extracurricular activities teach children many important skills, but they are most effective when balanced with the other needs of the family and student.

Reasons to reconsider

Many reasons can indicate a child might need to step back from an activity. If you are wondering whether it’s time for your child to quit an activity, ask the following:

• Is this activity creating scheduling and logistical conflicts for the family?
• Is the child beginning to lose interest and passion in the activity?
• Is the activity progressing beyond the child’s abilities?
• Is the activity interfering with grades and academics?
• Is the child simply overscheduled?
• Are too many activities preventing quality family time?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it might be time to step back and consider the pros and cons of withdrawing from the activity at least temporarily.

Allison Gibeson is a Lee’s Summit writer and mom taking these tips into consideration as she signs her kindergarten son up for activities.