Learning Beyond Books: Skills Smart Kids Need

If you identify with the song lyrics "Times, they are a-changing,'" you're already behind. The times, they have changed. As parents, we strive to stay up to date on technology, clothing and music. Practical life lessons are more important than ever, and if you aren't teaching them, your child probably isn't learning them. Here are three skills your kids need to learn and how you can be sure you're helping them along the way.

Face-to-face contact: When I first heard my stepdaughter had a boyfriend during her sixth grade year, I inquired how he asked her out. She replied, "He texted me." Deeply personal and even basic, surface conversations are happening through technology. While that can sometimes feel like a relief—who hasn't canceled dinner via text to avoid the awkwardness?—helping your child hone and develop her IRL (in real life) social skills is still paramount. 

According to Faye de Muyshondt, author of socialsklz:-) for Success: How to Give Children the Skills They Need to Thrive in the Modern World, kids who are able to strike up and hold a conversation with a friend or total stranger will have an advantage when entering the job market. "These are learnable skills," de Muyshondt says, "but kids won't pick them up automatically anymore." In other words, it's on you, Mom and Dad.

There are easy ways to get kids to practice physical interaction. Going out to dinner? Your child should be ordering for herself as soon as she is able to identify what she wants on the menu. That means looking the server in the eye as she states her order. Another prime opportunity to hone social interaction skills is while shopping. Maybe your son finds a pair of shoes he has to have. He should be asking the associate to please grab his size from the stockroom . Easy connections like this will build your child's confidence in doing things on his own, and that lends itself to raising an independent child.

Money Matters: Harriet Tubman is being added to the 20 dollar bill, but your child may not actually see her there unless you force the issue. Physical money is as rare as a unicorn in 2016. If kids can't see money, how can they be expected to understand how to use it or, better yet, appreciate it? Make sure your child is physically seeing and holding money when he earns it. Two hours mowing the lawn? Give him his $20 in cash.  And don't revert to the too-easy "I'll just buy your next pair of jeans for you." Your child needs to see the fruits of his labor. Otherwise, money becomes a random, intangible thing that's not there and, consequently, not really understood.

Bonus Tip: Check out TheMint.org for games, interactive tools and quizzes that can help start a conversation with your child at any age about saving, budgeting, credit and even retirement. You just might learn something, too!

It's Critical:  Critical thinking is defined as "objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment." In layman's terms, it is a type of thinking that helps us learn to make good and smart decisions. And it’s, well, critical.  For kids, thinking critically ultimately will help them become independent and operate without their parents. 

The nonprofit organization Foundation for Critical Thinking developed a set of five intellectual standards, which enable elementary-aged children to think better. Those five standards are:

• Be clear. Let kids know it's okay to ask for extra explanations when they don't fully understand something. Being confused is okay as long as the child conveys that to the instructor or parent.
• Be accurate. In the age of Google and quick Internet searches, encourage children to research actual facts—not just opinions and message boards—to make a decision.
• Be relevant. Encourage children to stay on the task or subject they are learning about. If a question arises about something, the answer should be topical and current.
• Be logical. Double check that your child's assumptions and conclusions are right by questioning the path by which she arrived at them. 
• Be fair. Empathy is important. Your child should be thinking of others rather than himself when drawing conclusions.

We all want smart children who can excel in school and college—but good grades and an understanding of thermonuclear fusion technology only go so far. If our children can't share in the simple joys of a live conversation or understand the implications of a rotten credit score, those book smarts are going to feel less and less important. A truly smart child is a well-rounded child.

Fun Ways to Up the Social Smarts in Your Kids

• Take a fun online quiz with your kiddos to practice knowing what facial expressions can mean. (Yes, they need practice!) Here’s a great one from UC Berkley: GreaterGood.Berkeley.edu/ei_quiz
• If your kids’ heads are buried in a phone, they’re missing out on life. Consider taking an adventure (zoo, carnival, etc.) and don’t allow phones. When you get home, have each child draw or write about a favorite memory from the trip. This encourages them to be in the moment.
• We’re tempted to help, help, help. The next time your elementary-aged child wants help finding the bathroom in a new restaurant, tell her she has to find it on her own. Follow behind her but don’t help! Encourage her to ask an employee if she gets really stuck.

    Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for Kansas City and surrounding areas. She lives in Liberty with her husband, two stepdaughters, son and small zoo of rescue animals.