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Overcoming the Queasies

When Your Child Is Nervous About the First Day of School

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Parents all know about the first-day-of-school queasies. Having a nervous kiddo is so hard and shifts your “mama and papa bear” instincts into high gear. Maybe your children are in full meltdown mode. Maybe the anxiety is subtle. Either way, all you want is to calm their nerves. Our hope is to help you help them combat some of those first-day butterflies.

The best way to ease the queasies is to prepare kids as much as you can beforehand while remaining calm and positive. Run through their routine a few times. If they’re going to ride the bus, practice waiting at the bus stop with them. Practice driving them to school. Predictability will be their best friend.

We’ve provided a few tips for kids of all ages—whether it’s their first or fifth year of school—to make the day less intimidating.

Meet and talk about the teacher

This activity will help both younger and older kiddos with the jitters. A new year with new teachers can be intimidating, but getting to know them ahead of time may ease this transition. Attend any and all back-to-school nights or open houses, so you can get acquainted. Schedule a phone call or Zoom meeting. Email them questions your student might have. Lastly, talk with your kids afterward about the interactions.

Practice first-day conversations

Maybe your middle schooler has anxiety about what she’ll say to potential new friends and gets tongue-tied. Practice chatting and making small talk, so she has ideas about what to say if she’s feeling nervous or inhibited. 

Stay positive

It’s tough when you’re so empathetic to your child’s anxieties, but try to stay calm, upbeat and positive. This will reassure your kids everything will go smoothly.

Role play and pretend play

For younger kiddos, or those starting preschool or kindergarten, use pretend play to prepare them. Use their stuffed animal friends to talk about what the first day might be like. For example, “little dinosaur” goes to school to eat snacks, sing songs and play games, then mommy dinosaur comes back to get him.

Create a “goodbye” routine

Whether it’s a special handshake, high-fives, a hug or a catchphrase (“See ya later, alligator!”), your child will find comfort and security in a specific goodbye ritual.

Create a visual schedule

For your youngest kiddos, a visual schedule could be helpful. (Example: wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack your backpack, hug mom and dad goodbye, get on the school bus.)

Practice relaxation techniques

Try deep breathing and meditation on the drive to school. (Safely) play one from a podcast, YouTube channel, Pandora or other app. This may work best with your teen or preteen who is feeling nervous about meeting a new group of friends.

Reduce stress at home

Your children’s simply knowing home will be their safe haven once the school day is over will help immensely. Try to model good coping strategies at home when managing stress and anxiety, don’t load their after-school to-do list with extra chores and try not to snap at them even if you’ve had a rough day. Greet them with open arms, a listening ear and maybe even a snack.

Lastly, remind them you’ll be there to greet them at the end of the first day. School days can be long, anxiety-inducing, draining—but once they’re all done, you’ll be waiting with open arms to take them home. Once they adjust to the routine, it will become second nature.

Calm kids playlist:

Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, son, daughter and dog.

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