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Teaching Kids to Manage Risks

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     As parents, our natural instinct is to keep our children safe. In fact, it’s not just our instinct, it’s part of our job. But another part of our job as parents is to not only allow but encourage our children to take risks too. Now if you’re like me, the word risks makes you sweat and immediately conjures images of a trip to the emergency room! And although sometimes that may actually happen as a result of risk-taking, it’s not the norm! Risk-taking can actually be quite simple ... a new playdate, starting a new school, trying a new food even. Allowing your child to take risks might feel very scary to you, making difficult the act of releasing control for your child to have access to this experience. But with a carefully crafted balance, you can encourage your children to take risks that develop courage and confidence while still keeping them safe and healthy.

     Part of a child’s development is gaining confidence, self-esteem and courage. Encouraging your child to take risks is an excellent way to foster the development of these qualities. According to BrightHorizons.com, “taking risks in a safe environment builds confidence and teaches valuable life skills.” We may be easily tempted to protect or stop our kids from taking risks so they will never fail or get hurt, but we are actually doing them a disservice. Danielle, Olathe mom of three, says, “Kids used to just experience things, get hurt and learn from it. Now, the world we live in is extremely safety conscious. We don’t like to deal with the hurt, so we try to eliminate the possibility, which I think is not always a good thing for their development.” Polly, Overland Park mom of two, agrees, saying, “Risk-taking is really important from both a success and failure standpoint. We learn so much from taking risks, especially when we fail. We have to be okay with letting our kids fail, otherwise we’ll discourage risk-taking.”

     The age of kids informs risk-taking and its consequence. And much like physical development, risk-taking varies from child to child—you’ll see this within your own household. Some children are big risk takers, not fully understanding the dangers or hurt that can happen. Other children are more cautious and prefer to avoid new situations. Watching your child take risks also helps you see where additional support or guidance might be needed. “It’s important to give children opportunities to do new things together as a family and individually. Introducing them to as many new and challenging experiences as possible will lead to more confidence and courage to try new things on their own. We also should talk about the potential fears (or other feelings) we are all experiencing that might get in our way and how to work through those when trying something new,” says Kay, an Overland Park mom of two.

     So you might be wondering right now about how to craft that balance I mentioned earlier if you’re supposed to protect your children but not keep them in a bubble! One tip for parents is to set limits and boundaries where risk taking can occur safely. A parking lot or street are not good places for risk-taking, but climbing that tree? Sure! Riding your bike at breakneck speed down your street? Go ahead—with a helmet of course! Going out for the lead in the school play? Awesome!

     Be close and available to offer support, but also remember to celebrate the process and not just the product. Stephanie, Overland Park mom of two, says, “We try to celebrate even in small ways when our kids choose something brave. We celebrated our daughter when she auditioned for the school musical, not just when she got a part. We try to recognize when our kids put themselves out there, even if they fail, not just when they accomplish something.” Try not to be afraid of letting your kids take a risk for fear of failure, too. “If we are willing to celebrate failures that are results of taking a step into the unknown, then I think we have more comfort in taking risks,” says Anne, Overland Park mom of two.

     Something else to consider (but you may not like me for!) is to be a good role model by letting your child see you take risks, too. I know, I know. Staying in our comfort zones is so much easier. But if your child doesn’t see you willing to take risks, perhaps he won’t either. Besides, going through your own risk can help keep the doors of communication open between you and your child, particularly in the teen years. As Anne puts it, “Walking together through risks also makes them less scary.” Whether you are going through the same risk together or taking risks simultaneously, you and your child can share your experiences and even learn from each other.

     Risk doesn’t have to be dangerous and can actually be a good thing. Keep in mind as you navigate these unknown waters that what feels easy and simple to you can actually feel quite scary and risky to your child. Be prepared to push your children out of their comfort zone and brace yourself for a little resistance too. Adults aren’t the only ones who prefer to stick to what’s safe and known! As with any other thing we are teaching our children, though, while the process can sometimes be painful and getting through it tough, everyone comes out better for it in the end! Good luck!

According to HuffPost.com:

Julie Collett writes from Overland Park where she dreads risky activities and prefers to stay in her comfort zone! 

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