The Anti-Pinterest Birthday Party: A Peek Behind the Curtain
I admit it—I am not a Pinterest parent. Right off the bat, please know I harbor zero judgment for those who shine brightly in that department. My children’s’ lives are only made amazing and more magical by moms and dads out there who live and breathe a good theme and can whip up a costume in a few hours.
All that said, it’s just not my forte.
When I visualize a lunch box in my mind’s eye, I see bread, turkey, some cheese, mustard, an apple, a bag of Cheetos and—if I have the energy—two cookies. But a Pinterest parent? They see an opportunity. A chance to design a crafted charcuterie board specially tailored to their child’s nutritional needs topped off with a newly developed juice spritzer with a splash of Grenadine.
It’s intimidating.
For those of you that are like me, feeling less than stellar in the preplanning department, allow me to share with you exactly how my son’s 5-year birthday party went. It was a doozy.
(Pinterest parents, we seriously love you, but today it’s our time to shine.)
A Non-Pinterest Parent’s Birthday Party Planning Experience:
Six weeks out: Hmm, six weeks. I know it’s not much, but it sort of feels like a lot. *Shrugs.* Maybe I should look up ideas on what to do for the birthday party. I have to get a cake, which will probably rot the kids’ teeth but—oh shoot, I need to schedule my husband’s dental appointment because he will never do it on his own. Also, the dog needs to poop, so maybe I’ll look at party ideas after his walk.
Five weeks out: How has a week passed? I haven’t even started planning this party. Time to get serious. Who are we even inviting to this thing? It’s COVID times, so we can’t do anything indoors and can only have a few people. And we need a theme. What does my kid even like these days? I should ask him tonight.
Four weeks out: Okay, finally asked him what he wants. He definitely wants a Mario party. Easy peasy! I can hit up the party store in the next few weeks and get everything I need. Party stores will definitely have Mario stuff.
Two weeks out, standing in party store with a blank look on my face: Okay, the party store definitely does NOT have Mario party stuff. *Snaps fingers.* But I bet Amazon does! *Searches Amazon.* Nineteen dollars for a Mario tablecloth? How about no!
One-and-a-half weeks out: New plan! We’re doing a Sonic the Hedgehog theme. He loves Sonic right now, and I definitely saw Sonic stuff when I was at the store last week. For entertainment, we’ll also do a bouncy house. It’s October, so it’s not like the bouncy places will be booked up.
*Calls bouncy house place.* You’re booked up for the third? Can you double—you’ve been booked for the last six weeks? Well, do you have anything at all? Oh, a Jurassic Jump bouncer? I mean it’s not really Sonic-themed, but we’ll do that. Can I get a quote? Wait, is that quote in dollars? American dollars? To clarify this is for a bounce house. Dang, I am in the wrong line of work. Fine, ring it up. See you on the third!
One week out: No honey, I didn’t hand-make your birthday invitations. We can only invite three of your friends from daycare anyway. I’ll just text their moms. Because of the virus. I know it’s not fair. No, I can’t have Sonic show up at your party. How about a super cool Sonic Hedgehog cake? Yeah? Okay, I bet I can make one!
*Looks up Sonic cakes on Pinterest.* Uh, yeah, I definitely can’t make one.
*Drives to bakery.* Hi, I’m not seeing a Sonic the Hedgehog cake in your little cake binder. Could you just draw a Sonic on a cake that’ll serve about eight people? For this Saturday. What do you mean you don’t have a license for Sonic Hedgehog imaging? You have every child’s cartoon imaginable in that binder! No, I realize Sonic isn’t there but I promise no one will sue you. Here, I’ll pull the picture up on my phone. See? This little guy. I just need his face on a cake. That’s all!
*Leaves with a plain blue cake and pays $32.00 for Sonic the Hedgehog figurines to place on it.*
Three days out: I’m off to the store to get the Sonic Hedgehog plates, napkins and balloons!
*At party store.* Wait, how are you out of Sonic plates? They were here three weeks ago! We’re having a Sonic-themed party. I BOUGHT CAKE FIGURINES!
Day of party: Thank you all for coming to the party! Please enjoy the bouncy house, Mario Brothers plates, Mickey Mouse bowls, PJ Masks cups, random balloons, Lightning McQueen napkins from last year, Sonic Hedgehog cake and dinosaur eggs as your child’s party favor. Please feel free to continue this new trend of “Whatever Was Left at the Store” parties!
*Cracks open a beer.* Now that’s how it’s done.
The Anti-Pinterest Mom’s Guide to Parties Going … Less Badly
- Pick a theme early. Stick with it. No, really, don’t change it.
- When you see things you need at the store, buy them right then. They will be gone tomorrow.
- Bakeries are busy. Very busy. Book your cake early.
- Relax. As long as there’s a smile on your child’s face, that’s all that matters. Or maybe that’s just what we Anti-Pinterest parents tell ourselves. Wink.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.