Who is Sally, honey?

When children are babies and toddlers, their security objects tend to be a thumb, pacifier, blanket or a “lovey” item of some sort. As children grow older, this object of security may shift but still have the same significance. Imaginary friends can offer this sense of security and also give growing children a feeling of control, help them express emotions and provide companionship.

I didn’t have imaginary friends as in the invisible friend type, but I did have stuffed animals that were very much my friends during my childhood. My older child, Layla, is now 3 and has been engaging in this phase more and more. Layla has a baby doll, “Sweetheart Baby,” who must go everywhere with her and “misses” Layla when she’s away from her. As of last night, Sweetheart even won out over her beloved blankie! Layla has been personifying her toys for some time now.

“Imaginary friends are very common companions for a preschool child,” says Dr. Ermalyn Kubart, Pediatric Care North in Kansas City. “This pretend play can allow them to take on different roles in their play. They can be a princess or a super-hero anytime they want. This play helps them develop their creativity and independent play skills. They often switch from their imaginary world back to the real world many times in a play session.”

Children are more likely to create a friend if they are the oldest, are the only child or have limited exposure to TV. If your child has an imaginary friend, feel free to engage with your child and his/her buddy. You may gain insight into who this little person you created is becoming. However, it is okay to set boundaries for this friend, too.

Missy Landis, Overland Park mother of two, says her daughter, Christine, began imagining with her favorite TV characters and then developed an imaginary friend, Nathan, based on her real friend from school. “Nathan went everywhere with us and did everything we did. I think it was her way of having a friend and sibling to keep her entertained while she was an only child. He was there when I was in the hospital before and during the time that Iain [her baby brother] came,” adds Landis.

Jen Laverentz, Overland Park mother of three, notes that her oldest son, Calvin, had an imaginary friend that was basically a duplicate of himself. “Calvin has always played well by himself, so it made sense to us that his imaginary friend would be... well, him.”  As for a parent’s perspective, Laverentz comments, “It was like Seinfeld, just an everyday narrative of the activities of another 3-year-old Calvin. Mostly about nothing—but kept us laughing anyway!”

If your child has or develops an imaginary friend, it may seem logical to worry about it, but research leans the other way. Kubart says, “Imaginary friends are only a concern if the child exhibits extreme rigidity in their play. If they are highly anxious or insist on others participating in their fantasy play, you may want to talk with your child’s physician. School age kids usually leave their imaginary friends behind in the search for more same-age companions.”

Stephanie Loux is active in local moms’ groups and enjoys being outside with her little monkeys. Originally from Iowa, she now resides in Olathe with her husband, Mike, and children Layla, 3, and Mason, 1.