Sleep SOS: Your Top Five Struggles Solved

For better health and a sharper mind, few things are more beneficial than a good night’s sleep. That goes double for little ones. The benefits of sleep on learning and memory may be even more profound for children than for adults, because children store memories during sleep more effectively, according to new research published in Nature Neuroscience.

Unfortunately, getting your child to sleep well can be a daily—make that nightly—challenge, from birth through the school years. Whether you have a nurse-all-night newborn, a toddler who won’t stay in bed or a grade-schooler who takes hours to fall asleep at night, sleep struggles can seem never-ending. Read on for solutions to some of childhood’s biggest sleep saboteurs.

Months 0-6: All Night Nurse-a-Thon

Frequent nighttime nursing is normal, even expected, during the first two months of life. Weeks 2-8 bring a fussy period that may include near-constant nursing from 8:00 p.m. to midnight, as babies take advantage of nursing hormones that peak at night. During these early weeks, sleeping close to Baby (the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends putting Baby to sleep in a separate crib in the parents’ bedroom) and napping while Baby naps during the day can help new moms feel rested enough to function.  

After month three, babies can begin to learn to sleep without being “latched” all night. Once Baby is in a relaxed sleep state, with deep, regular breathing, limp extremities and a relaxed jaw, slide a pinky finger into the corner of the baby’s mouth to aid in unlatching, says  registered nurse Elizabeth Damato, Ph.D., sleep research program director with Case Western Reserve University School of Nursing in Cleveland, OH.

If Baby fusses or wakes during this process, consider soothing with a pacifier, a tactic approved by the AAP that may serve to protect against Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. The pacifier won’t replace nursing but can help Mom get some rest before Baby’s next feeding. And no need to worry: “There is no evidence that pacifier use interferes with breastfeeding when the pacifier is introduced after the first month,” Damato says.

Months 6-12: Tiresome Teething

First teeth generally appear around 6 months and can cause fussiness and interrupt sleep in the second half of the first year, according to Charles Shubin, M.D., director of pediatrics at Mercy FamilyCare in Baltimore, MD. Unfortunately, topical remedies like teething gels have little benefit, he says. Babies 6 months and older who seem to be in a great deal of pain may be relieved by oral acetaminophen or ibuprofen.

Though teething can sabotage sleep in infancy, so can a lot of other things, like hunger, illness and inappropriate sleep routines, according to Shubin. Paying attention to other aspects of a baby’s sleep routine can help him sleep more soundly during teething spells and the rest of the time too.  For example, depriving a baby of regular naps—and conversely, allowing a baby to nap more than two hours at a stretch—can result in fussy, poor quality nighttime sleep and make Baby more likely to wake with teething pain. For sounder sleep, offer regular naps that are restful but not overly long (think 1-2 hours, max).

Ages 1-3: Bye-Bye, Bed!

Big kid beds can be exciting. But tots may exercise newfound freedom by popping out of bed, again and again. Consistency and swift action are the keys to breaking this habit, says Robert Oexman, M.D., director of the Sleep to Live Institute  in Mebane, NC.

Whether a child gets up because she’s frightened, needs to use the bathroom or just wants to see you, return her to bed quickly. Tell her you’ll return to check on her in 5 minutes and then continue checking every 5 to 10 minutes until she falls asleep again. Make sure to return as promised; this reassures your child and builds trust.

Nighttime visits may continue for up to a week, says Oexman, but staying consistent with this plan should help children begin sleeping all night within a week.

For an inquisitive toddler, wandering the house at night can be a significant safety hazard. Dyan Hes, M.D., medical director at Gramercy Pediatrics in New York City, recommends using a baby gate in the doorway of your child’s bedroom during the transition to a big kid bed.

Ages 3-5: Bedtime Battles

Preschooler throwing a fit at bedtime? Many children in the pre-K set struggle with “sleep associations,” or the cues that trigger sleep, says Adiaha Spinks-Franklin, M.D., developmental-behavioral pediatrician at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. When a child is used to falling to sleep under certain conditions—for example, with music playing, with the lights on or with a parent lying nearby—the child will resist falling asleep at bedtime unless those exact circumstances are present, each and every time.

The best way to help this is to teach the child to fall asleep without parental assistance, says Spinks-Franklin. “It’s okay to read a bedtime story, hold the child and listen to quiet music. But please turn off all of the extra supports and put the child in bed drowsy but still awake.”

A child who likes to fall asleep with a parent lying in bed can be gradually weaned from this habit if a parent gradually moves a bit farther away each night. Eventually, the child will feel comfortable falling asleep without constant contact.

Ages 5-10: The Long Good-bye

If your grade-schooler takes hours to fall asleep, don’t blame him—the problem may be his bedtime.  Elementary school brings many shifts, including a rapid increase in neurophysiological growth and a shift toward needing fewer hours of shut-eye each night. This may mean your child’s old bedtime is too early, says Spinks-Franklin. “Many parents assume that 7:00 or 8:00 is the magic bedtime. But as children get older, they’re less likely to feel sleepy then.”

A grade-schooler’s natural bedtime may fall closer to 8:30 or 9:00. As long as the child is receiving about 9-10 hours of sleep and doesn’t appear sleepy during the day, rest assured she’s sleeping enough and enjoy a later, quicker, more peaceful bedtime routine.

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health and parenting journalist and mom of three. Her latest book is Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.