50 Lessons from the Trenches

Sixteen years have melted away since motherhood planted itself firmly into my heart, wrapped its tendrils around my soul and lovingly commandeered my life. I’m amazed at how much I’ve learned in such a short space of time, but I also know raising two boys to develop into responsible, generous and kind young men is a daily education and a work in progress. Nonetheless, here are a few golden lessons I’ve chalked up so far that I can share with you …

1. When you are mired in sick days, feeling unappreciated and bone-tired, remember that tomorrow is a new day.
2. Every mom needs a “been-there, done-that” seasoned mom in her life to help put parenthood into perspective, calm anxieties or provide resources.
3. The ring of dirt left around the bathtub after evening baths is a tell-tale sign that your child had a top-10 day.
4. Keep a quotes journal for the funny, sweet and poignant things your child says.
5. The $100 interactive dinosaur exhibit isn’t nearly as fun as the free model train exhibit.
6. When your child presents you with a handful of sweaty, wilting dandelions, they become your favorite flowers.
7. Kids will forget their backpacks, socks and coats, but they’ll never forget a promise you regret making three days and 21 hours ago.
8. It’s okay if your son doesn’t like sports.
9. Keep your favorite photo of your child nearby to remind you of his inherent sweetness, especially for those moments when he’s acting like the ultimate punk.
10. Hugs make everything better. The run, tackle, squeeze hug nearly knocks me off my feet every time.
11.  Sitting in a bathroom in the middle of the night with the shower running to create steam helps a baby suffering with croup. The steam is also a great way to get a 3:00 a.m. facial.
12.  Little boys’ pockets contain a treasure-trove of discoveries.
13.  If you’re like me, the first time your child says he loves you, takes a step or rides a bike without training wheels, you’ll cry.
14.  You’ll discover which of your children has the worst gag reflex when you bring home a new puppy who gets really sick in his crate.
15.  A parenting strategy that works with one child might not work with another.
16.  If you want an honest opinion, ask your child. Chances are he’ll tell you anyway.
17.  Teaching kids to say please and thank you matters.
18.  Talking with and listening to your kids matters, too.
19.  Follow your instincts. The pediatrician isn’t always right. Find a new one if he blows you off or is condescending.
20.  The best time to find out about your child’s day is during car rides, when he doesn’t want to eat his dinner, or bedtime.
21.  You may have to ask for your meal to go sometimes, but taking your children to family-friendly restaurants helps them learn social graces and boundaries in public places.
22.  When stuck in an airplane with a toddler in meltdown mode, sometimes the only thing you can do is pretend you don’t know him.
23.  Mud, dirt and boxes provide hours of entertainment.
24.  Experiences are more valuable than stuff.
25.  You won’t be the first parent to pick up your wailing child and abandon your shopping cart in the middle of the store.
26.  Learn together and take as many opportunities as possible to explore science, nature, music and art.
27.  Play board games and cards together. Not only will your children learn math and reading skills, they will learn how to win and lose gracefully.
28.  Parent time-outs can help you remain calm, cool and collected in a heated moment.
29.  Counting together backwards from 20 helps an upset child (and parent) calm down.
30.  Take walks with your child. Walking side by side encourages conversation.
31.  Incentives and rewards work for kids ... and parents.
32.  Going outside for a breath of fresh air while your spouse takes over the bedtime routine is a sanity saver on rough days.
33.  A glass of wine works, too.
34.  And chocolate. Dark. For your heart.
35.  Scheduling time just for you isn’t selfish. Self-care makes you a better parent.
36.  Pursuing personal interests and goals teaches your children that care-taking is only one of your roles.
37.  Share your interests with your child.
38.  Find a trustworthy, dependable sitter your children like. Breaks are healthy for both you and your children.
39.  Spending time with your spouse making dinner and watching a movie after the kids go to bed is almost as fun as a night on the town.
40.  Little boys think it’s fun to sneak up on you and scare you. But if they truly catch you unprepared and you scream, you might make them cry.
41.  Save the notes your child writes you.
42.  Write notes to your child.
43.  Warming up to sing opera in the middle of the grocery store will turn spotlight-averse fighting siblings into model citizens almost immediately.
44.  Teach your child that it’s perfectly acceptable to spend a little time alone to brood, create, read, pray and rest.
45.  Boo-boos don’t hurt as much when you stick an Avengers Band-Aid on them.
46.  Nurture your children’s interests. Even if they seem a little unusual.
47.  Kids are curious. Be curious, too.
48.  Begin and end every day with a hug and a kiss.
49.  Forgive yourself. Parenting is tough, and sometimes you do and say the wrong thing.
50.  Every child has the potential to change the world. Your child already changed yours.

Writer Christa Melnyk Hines resides in Olathe with her family, including a golf-impassioned husband, two busy boys and a lovable mutt.