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Only Isn’t Lonely

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According to ABCNews.com, “A generation ago, only 10 percent of families had only children. Today that percentage has more than doubled.” These days, parents of more than three children are often asked, “Are you crazy?!” But parents of only one child face judgment and often are asked, “When are you going to have another?”

Nataly Kogan, creator of WorkItMom.com, says, “Like other parenting decisions—to breastfeed or not, to let kids cry it out or not, to go back to work or to stay home—figuring out how many kids to have is an extremely personal process, but it’s also one that causes others to share advice and opinions without much invitation.”

 Some couples may long for more children but are unable to have them because of health problems or other factors. Some get a late start having a family. Some, like Tina Mowrey of Olathe, are simply sure they are done with one. She says, “I think it is to each their own. We love our life just the way it is!” Read on to see seven only-child myths busted.

Myth #1: Only Children Are Spoiled

The assumption is all only children are spoiled by receiving pretty much anything they want. Although it’s true some onlies may be given more material stuff by grandparents and extended family members, the only thing most onlies are spoiled with is one-on-one time.

It seems to have a lot to do with how the parents indulge their only child. If parents are of a certain mindset, then they would be likely to spoil a larger family of children, as well. Jennifer Showalter Childs of Overland Park says, “My son has gotten to do things and go places that his friends with multi-child homes cannot have ever afforded to do or go. It’s just economics.”

Myth #2: Only Children Are Lonely and Bored

Only children certainly have more time for themselves, and it’s true they must be creative sometimes in coming up with things to occupy that time. Jennifer C. says her 17-year-old son “has always been one to create something to do out of nothing. He entertained himself without video games but was always welcomed to join big people activities. I think he learned adult social skills earlier than other kids for that reason.”

Myth #3: Only Children Are Desperate for a Sibling

Julie Dorset of Kansas City says her 8-year-old son, Caleb, isn’t interested in having a sibling. He told her it’s nice not having to share his mom and dad’s attention with anyone else, and that he has plenty of friends, family, books and games to take the place of a brother or sister. Michele Pfeiffer of Mission says, “My child does spend a lot of time with her cousins, so she kind of gets a dose of having siblings.” Keep in mind, too, that siblings’ always getting along or forming lifelong friendships is not guaranteed anyway.

Myth #4: Only Children Can’t Deal with People

All only children aren’t created equal. Just like children in general, some are shy, and others are outgoing. Onlies tend to speak like adults and have a more advanced vocabulary than other kids their age. As they get older, they may also have an easier time with things like public speaking. Tina M. says her daughter, Charlie, loves to be around adults.

In her book, Parenting an Only Child, Susan Newman writes, “The only child’s primary role models are parents … the result is that only children copy adult behavior as well as their speech patterns.”

Myth #5: Only Children Don’t Know How to Share

Sharing is a learned skill you have to teach any child. The more opportunities a child has to practice sharing, the better that child will get at it. “My only child shares just fine. It was just put out there that sharing is expected,” says Jennifer C. And according to Newman, “All parents can expect their toddlers and teens to act selfishly at times.”

Myth #6: Only Children Are Bossy

The oldest child in a family is often labeled responsible, yet the only child in a family is often called bossy. Although many only children are of the “take-charge” variety, they aren’t necessarily bossy. Newman says, “There have been many studies that show that only children are really no different from their peers.” Once we get to adulthood, it’s not likely that most of us can pick out who was an only child just by brief interaction. An only may, however, show some positive traits of oldest children, like good leadership skills.

Myth #7: All Parents Want Another Child

Jennifer C. says, “Now that we’re at the upper end of the teen years, I am thankful I don’t have another child to wrangle while trying to finish this one out. The challenges change daily at this stage of things. Not all of us are cut out for rearing multiple children, and that’s okay.”

It does turn out onlies are actually a bit different from their peers in one very significant way. According to Dr. Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology and sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, many studies highlight an interesting difference. “On average, many only children score slightly higher in verbal ability, go farther in school and have a little bit higher self-esteem,” Falbo says. Those are a few things onlies can surely be proud of.

Famous Only Children

 Kerrie McLoughlin, an only child, and her husband live in Peculiar, MO, with their five children.

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