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The Art of Appreciation

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          Taking care of the kids and the daily responsibilities of running a house can strain your connection with your spouse. The busier you get, the easier it is to drift apart. One way to show love and maintain a great relationship is to show your spouse genuine appreciation for all he or she does to keep the family running smoothly. Here are some simple things that go a long way in showing your appreciation and keeping your relationship strong.

            Say it

            The simplest way to show your spouse you appreciate him is to say thank you. It may seem obvious, but as we get busy in our daily routines, it is easy to take for granted what your spouse does to contribute to the household. Thank him for working hard to provide financially, for cooking and cleaning, for mowing the lawn, for packing the kids’ lunches or giving them baths, or for running errands. A simple word of thanks goes a long way to show your spouse that you notice him and all that he does.

            Write a note

            In this day and age of email and text, who doesn’t love to receive a handwritten note with a thoughtful thank you included? Consider writing your spouse a thank you card or love letter and leaving it where it will be a surprise. It is sure to leave your spouse feeling appreciated and loved.

            Give a break

            I feel very appreciated when my husband comes home from work, notices I am feeling overwhelmed and tells me to take a break and go somewhere alone for a while. He also has encouraged me to join a monthly book club so I have a scheduled night out at least once a month. Pay attention to when your spouse needs a break and send him or her off to the spa, out with friends or even alone on an errand. On returning home, your partner will feel rested and recharged.

            Tell others how great your spouse is

“I tell him, especially in front of the children, how much I appreciate him,” says Lenexa mom Darcy King. “I explain to the kids why I am thankful for him.” Your spouse will feel appreciated if you tell others how much you appreciate him or her. “One of the ways I show my husband I appreciate him is how I speak about him to others,” Holly Searls, Olathe mom, says. “I brag on him and tell others how amazing he is—because he is! I am proud to be married to him and it shows in the stories I tell others.”

            Show it

            You can show your spouse great appreciation by acting grateful. Try to reduce criticism and speak words that build up your spouse. Encourage, thank and acknowledge all your partner does for you and the family. When your children hear how much you appreciate your spouse, it will help build family bonds.  Sometimes, the kids also need reminders from you to express their appreciation for your spouse.

            Give a gift

            Giving your spouse a gift—big or small—demonstrates how much you appreciate that person and think of him or her when you are apart. Have flowers or cookies delivered to work or, while you are out and about, pick up a treat to give. Spring Hill mom Kristin Haugsness says, “I pick up occasional treats for my husband, such as his favorite candy or drink.” Seeing how he or she is in your thoughts renews your spouse to keep working hard for your family.

            Don’t keep score

            When it seems like there is a never-ending list of things that need done to keep the house clean and organized, the kids fed and to various activities, the budget balanced, the yard maintained, and the children raised to be happy and healthy, don’t let yourself get caught up in who is doing which task and who is not. Try to avoid keeping score or comparing duties with your spouse. Instead, keep an attitude of everyone’s working as a team. Even consider taking on a little extra of the burden once in a while if it lightens your partner’s load. Jane Hammond, a Linwood, KS, mom, says, “When I start to get frustrated with him and his annoying habits, I try to flip it around and look at my annoying habits and how patient he is with me.”

            Do the other’s “job”

            If your house is anything like mine, we typically have specific jobs we each take care of on a regular basis. To show your appreciation for your spouse, consider doing one of his or her “jobs” for the week. Throw in a load of laundry, do the kitchen cleanup after dinner or offer to put the kids to bed while your spouse relaxes. All of these things show that you notice how hard your spouse works and that you appreciate the effort.

            If you are looking to reconnect with your spouse and show your appreciation, there are plenty of ways to do it. Write a note, have her favorite snacks on hand, schedule a date night or a quiet night in, tell others why he is great, encourage the kids to tell her, give him a hug, be excited to greet her when she comes home from work, cook things he loves to eat, give her a break, or simply say why you love and appreciate all your spouse does. It may feel awkward at first, but once you see the effects of that encouragement, you will most likely want to do it more often.

Date Night on a Budget

            If a date night isn’t in the budget, consider these date ideas that are fun and budget friendly.

Mom of six Sarah Lyons lives in Olathe with her family.

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