The Importance of Finding Your Tribe
When my first child was born 13 years ago, I was thrilled to be a mom and so in love with my son. This was the moment I had been looking forward to for months. My husband and I had decided I would become a stay-at-home mom, and I was looking forward to all the time I could spend with my son. But after just a few months of adjusting to becoming a mom, I began to feel lonely. I had given up my job and, while I was still head over heels in love with my son, something vital seemed missing. I realized quickly that I lacked adult interaction. Whether you work outside the home or stay at home, have one child or five children, whether you are struggling through the exhausting days and sleepless nights of babies and toddlers or the busy schedules of school-age kids, you need a tribe. Many moms define their tribe as other women who understand where they are in life without having to explain a single thing. They get you, they accept you and they cheer you on as you struggle your way through it. If you’re feeling lonely and are seeking a friend, or two, to laugh and cry with through your current stage of motherhood, I encourage you to find your tribe. Unsure of how to find this invaluable group of women? Here are a few places to start.
Be open and accepting
The first step to finding authentic people you can relate to and build lasting relationships with is to be your authentic self. When you’re an open, honest and accepting person, you’ll encourage others to behave the same. Be yourself, listen to what others have to say, accept others for who they are, and relationships will happen organically. It can be uncomfortable—scary even—to put yourself out there, but the relationships far outweigh the risk when you find true friends.
Scope out common interests
Sometimes, finding people to build friendships with can be challenging. Especially when you have a big life change like a move, becoming a parent or changing jobs. Take inventory of what you love to do or what groups are already existing that you could join. For example, if you love running, join a running club. If you love to read, join or start a book club. If you are a mom, join a playgroup or a mother’s group at a local church. Does the PTO at your school need help? Would you consider being a soccer coach or Boy Scout leader? All these examples are great ways to get involved in your community and make friends along the way. After the birth of our triplets, I joined an online group of triplet moms. Four years later, I am surprised to say that they are some of my closest friends and one of my biggest support systems.
Give support and ask for it
One of the main things that makes a tribe so important is the support given and received during the times when it’s needed most. When my daughter was hospitalized for several weeks, my mother’s group supplied meals, gave my other kids rides to and from school, helped with childcare, sent flowers and cards and basically kept my family going when my husband and I couldn’t have done it on our own. They would not have known how to help if I hadn’t reached out to them and asked. Asking for help can be hard for people who are used to managing the family and are good at it too, but remember, during difficult times friends want to help. Just ask. Conversely, you’ll have the chance to be that kind of blessing to others when they need it. Giving a ride to school, making a little extra food to share, sending a text or talking with a friend when she needs a listening ear doesn’t take much extra effort but goes a long way to building your tribe.
Finding your tribe can mean stepping outside your comfort zone and reaching out to others when you’d be more comfortable withdrawing. Although the efforts can be difficult, the rewards of deep friendship and mutual support will make your life richer.