The Quiet Place

Our home has its own soundtrack. During the weekdays, the house is alive with giggles and squeals and the occasional scream as our son prepares for, and arrives home from, preschool. The dogs are constantly barking—especially if FedEx is making a visit—and the smoke detector is likely to go off at least one or twice because I burned the chicken. Again.

The weekend brings its own special audio mix of swinging hammers and electric saws slicing into 2x4’s as my husband works on his latest home reno project. The Moana soundtrack likely blares from Alexa as she entertains my son during his bath.  The refrigerator diligently hums along through it all.

There’s always noise. Not most of the time. Not a great deal of the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

In more recent months, the sound has seemed to swell even more. For this we can thank COVID-19, which has forced our family of five to stay within these walls for what I can only describe as an insurmountable length of time. We seem to have no escape from the constant barrage of clamoring throughout this space.

We’re many months into this journey of constant togetherness, so we made some adjustments to help tune out the crazy clatter. Here’s what we’re trying:

• Give permission for quiet. Our family is a mixed bag of introverts and extroverts, but the fact is, we all need a little time to ourselves. We’ve made a priority of giving our kids—and ourselves—permission to be alone. With our teenage daughters, this is a foregone conclusion. A fully charged phone and a subscription to Netflix are just the ticket. With our 5-year-old son, it’s not so easy. We recently began turning off the “boob tube” (for you youngsters, that’s slang for “television”) and requiring that, for at least one hour, he do something on his own. He can play in his room, take a nap, read, build a city with his trains. But he must do it on his own, quietly. He fought the decree initially but caught on quickly when he realized we were serious. Now, it’s not so hard to convince him.
• Get out–literally. Speak with your partner and preserve one hour of “no talk zone” for each of you per day. Just like the parameters we gave our son. No one can bother your partner while he’s in his hour zone, and vice versa for you. And if I can make a suggestion, use the time for a long walk alone. You will be amazed at how much better you feel after an endorphin boost while birds sing your praises. Or Ozzy Osbourne screeches in your headphones. To each her own.
• Get up earlier than everyone else. Okay, you probably already do this to get a jump on the dishes, laundry or lesson plans for home learning. But if you can swing it, get up an extra 30 minutes before that. Grab a steaming a cup of coffee and just sit … in silence. No phone. No TV. No distractions. Take deep breaths in and let them go. Then get going on the dishes.
• Establish a no-phone zone. Our phones are easily one of the biggest sources of noise. Even if our phones are silenced, we can still hear the vibration or see the light from a notification. Did someone like our Facebook post? Did I just get an interesting notification about a stock I invested in? The sound may not be audible, but phones create mental noise that’s not healthy. Consider taking a few hours a day to turn off your phone. Power it down or put it in airplane mode and leave it alone. Take that walk or go out to the garden. I promise, your notifications will be there when you get back.
• Strip down social media. If you’re like me, you love seeing your best friend’s family photos with cute captions about bubblegum smiles. You get your daily dose of news from Facebook and cheap entertainment from Tik Tok. But guess what? Social media is not real life. The whole intent of Instagram and similar sites is to show a life that isn’t attainable. And real research shows we actually feel worse about ourselves when we see others in their chosen reality. So do yourself a big ol’ favor and set limits on the amount of time you spend on these sites. A quick Google search will show you how to limit your time consumption on apps; you won’t even have to think about it.
• Read. Read. Read.  Spoiler alert: It doesn’t matter what you read. It can be gore. It can be a dishwasher manual.  It can be dark psychological thrillers where people get axe murdered left and right (but that’s just me). Find a quiet corner in your house for 20 minutes a day. Tell yourself you won’t stop reading until you’ve finished two chapters. Reading quiets our minds so we can process the words and make room in our imaginations for the content we’re consuming. It’s one of the best activities you can do to better yourself, your mood and your outlook on life. Also, get yourself a library card and download the Libby app. You can check books out using your library card and have them delivered to your phone. Life changing.
• Truly connect. We’re always hearing, but how often do we really listen? Try an experiment. Ask your spouse or partner a question that requires true thought one night over dinner. For example: “What was the first movie you went to? Tell me about the whole experience.” Then sit back and focus on nothing but the answer. Tune out everything else and intensely listen. Believe me, your partner will be shocked that you care so much about this very ordinary question. As humans, we’ve been trained to all the noises except those that are most important. Really listen; chances are, you’ll be asked the same question in return.

Three Quick Ways to Cut the Noise:

1. Hear healthy noise: Hundreds of apps and white noise makers are available that help drown out the sound of leaky faucets, crickets and neighborhood parties. Get one today and sleep better tonight. White noise is the best noise.
2. Noise cancelling headphones: If you’re working from home, consider purchasing some high-performance noise canceling headphones.  Your concentration is only as good as the noise you’re letting in.
3. Tap into the positive voice in your head: Download some meditation apps that help you to hear the good things in life. You have a spectrum of things you can listen to; focus on the ones that fill your heart and soul.