Tween Timelines
When a baby is born, we have a set of benchmarks to chart their growth and development: rolling over, first tooth, walking or when they begin eating solid food. But once those babies grow up and become tweens and then teenagers, those benchmarks aren’t as concrete, and knowing whether we are doing the right thing becomes harder. Tweens are searching for freedom and testing boundaries, and as a parents, it’s hard to know when to give them that freedom.
Understandably, each child is different, and each family is different. The ages listed below are just guidelines and are not meant to be concrete rules.
When can a child go to the movies with friends without a parent’s supervision?
“I would base this on what movie and what friend(s). I would prefer a group of friends, that way if something (God forbid) happened, there would be more than a single girl left to figure it out. I also would base this on maturity level to know what to do in an emergency. Could my child exit the theater? Find a staff person for help? I am not there yet, but more likely when she is 13,” Sarah Martens, Kearney mother of three, says.
“I believe a child can be dropped off for a movie without an adult present around age 13, as long as there is a group with them. This is one of the first "alone" things I would allow, because I feel there is less of a threat or areas to run into problems while at a movie. I would, however, drop them off right before and return for pickup before the movie lets out,” Ashley Bultmann, Kearney mother of two, says.
“Depends on the time of day. Are we talking middle of the day matinee? Then perhaps 11 or 12. But on a Friday night? I would say 13 or 14,” Misty Black, Liberty mother of two, says.
Ride a bike to a friend’s house alone?
“I let my kids ride their bikes to their friends’ houses (not more than 1/2 mile away from home) at age 11. Both parents are in contact about the child’s leaving and arriving (unless said child has a phone). This is really the first taste of freedom for them, not to mention a trust exercise!” Bultmann says.
“Again, this depends on location. Down the street? Within sight? Age 5 or 6. But further down the road, out of sight? Or around the corner? Then age 8 or 9,” says Black.
Get a phone?
“Sixth grade (age 12) was perfect for us. It helps if they pay a portion to increase accountability and responsibility. Peer pressure was there for sure. Kids are getting busier, and it was convenient to have her with a phone. It’s also necessary when she stays at home alone since we don't have a land line anymore,” Martens says.
“I believe every child going to sixth grade should have a phone. This is the time a lot of kids have after school activities and like to hang out after school with friends once in a while. Having a phone is a lesson in responsibility and 12 or 13 is a good age to be teaching this kind of responsibility. (i.e., social networking. Our 11-year-old did just get a phone because, for our family, it makes more financial sense at this point—we can cancel our home phone. He does have limited use of it,” Bultmann says.
Stay home alone?
“I believe around the age of 10 kids are okay to stay home alone for short periods. Again, I think this teaches them responsibility, as well as another trust exercise. The older they get and the more responsibility they show, the length of time left home alone gets greater,” Bultmann says.
“This depends on how long and where I’ll be. If less than 30 minutes and I’m close by, I left them at 6 to 8 years. For an hour or longer or further away, I waited until 8 to 10 years. We are just now doing in the evenings or for longer periods, so 9 to 11 years,” says Black.
Jennifer Higgins is a freelance writer, mother and teacher from Kearney. She has two tweens and is constantly wondering about the appropriate age for activities for her girls.