Mom & Daughter Time: Great Ways to Build the Bond

It’s not easy being a ’tween or a teen girl; nor is it easy being the mother to one. We see our daughters spend more time in their bedrooms, on the phone, computer and hanging out with friends. Many don’t want us around because we embarrass them. So, what’s a mom to do—or not do? Definitely don’t bail out! They need us now more than ever. As our daughters enter some of the most difficult stages of adolescence, learning to adapt and bond with them becomes increasingly important. Here are some great ways to begin and continue the mother-daughter bonding: 

• Talk and listen. How often do you and your daughter talk? It’s important for your daughter to know she can come to you and talk if she needs anything. When your daughter is talking, be sure to make eye contact to let her know you’re listening, and don’t lecture. 
• Practice gratitude. Begin a gratitude journal together. Give your daughter one page to write on, and you write on the other. Then read back to each other what you are thankful for. This is a great way to learn more about your daughter’s character. 
• Find an activity to do together. Schedule quality time together. Take a yoga class with your daughter, paint pottery, go roller skating, have a spa day or go for a walk or jog. The possibilities are endless! The important thing is to choose an activity that you both agree to and will enjoy. 
• Plan a mother/daughter trip. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Plan a picnic at the park or a day trip to a new location. Changing the scenery is a great way to improve communication because everyone is more relaxed. 
• Bake together. Let your daughter choose the recipe and work together to create something yummy to share afterwards. Be silly in the kitchen; make it memorable!
• Hug your daughter. Find times throughout the day to hug her. Early in the morning before she leaves for school, in the evenings before bedtime, any time! Don’t feel bad if she pushes you away. Instead, hug with a sense of humor! It’s been said that nighttime is the time when ’tweens and teens are least distracted and are willing to open up. Take advantage of bedtime by sitting with your daughter and talking. Oh—and go ahead and tuck her in. You may feel silly, but she’ll probably love it!
• Help her follow her own path. Accept her goals, no matter what you may think of them, and help her achieve them. If she dreams of being an actress, enroll her in some theater classes. Does she love art? Enroll her in art classes. Allow her to show her true colors!
• Volunteer together. Show your daughter there are more important things in the world than TV, phones and video games. Help her experience the joy and satisfaction of making a difference. Work school events together, bake cookies for a bake sale, help a soup kitchen, visit a nursing home, bring supplies to an animal shelter and visit the homeless animals. There are so many ways to volunteer!
• Start a mother/daughter book club. Do you both love to read? Why not read the same book(s) your daughter is reading? Once you both finish the book, sit down and discuss it over smoothies, tea or hot cocoa. Make it a special time.
• Keep a mother/daughter journal. The purpose of this is to share feelings and improve communication. Give the journal to your daughter to write in at night before bedtime. Before kissing her goodnight, have her give it to you to write in. Then it’s your turn. Spend quiet time before hitting the hay by reading what she wrote and responding. Put it outside her door for her to read when she wakes in the morning. 
• Use humor. When you have a ’tween or teen, laughing is important. Instead of lecturing, turn the situation into something ridiculous or funny. It will help lighten the mood in the room.    

     Even if your stubborn ’tween or teen turns down a bonding activity you suggest, don’t give up. Instead, allow her to choose something for the two of you to do together—and do it. You won’t regret it. Talk, listen, trust, be there, be kind and show love to your daughter to begin a bond that will last a lifetime.

Mom and author Gina Klein resides in Kansas City, MO, with her husband and two daughters, one of whom soon will be a teen.