You start to wonder whether your house (or car, or purse) will ever be clean again.
Your entire house is covered in boogers, spit-up residue and other unidentifiable sticky or oddly- colored substances. Your kitchen counter is covered in hand wash only breast pump parts, unopened mail and magazines you plan to read “someday.” The amount of laundry generated in your household doubled when you had your first child, and now it has somehow quadrupled by adding one extra person. It amazes you how two tiny people can create so many things that require washing. You have no problem running the loads through the wash, but once they are clean, you find it somehow impossible to put them away. The laundry baskets fill up with clean clothes and soon you are choosing your daily attire from a basket or the dryer instead of from your closet. Your car is covered in crushed goldfish, melted fruit snacks, toys and chocolate milk drippings.
You have a sudden affinity for drive-thru.
You once viewed using the drive-thru as a lazy, frivolous treat. Now you wish that everything had a drive-thru or home delivery service. Running errands with multiple children under the age of 5 can be quite a feat. The thought of entering a Starbucks with an infant car seat slung over your forearm, dragging a restless toddler with your other hand, and actually making it out of there with a vanilla chai tea latte intact sounds more like a James Bond adventure than a relaxing coffee shop visit. Even getting groceries can be a challenging task. If you must take multiple children on errands with you, follow these simple rules: 1.) Have a plan. Map out exactly what you need and do it as quickly as humanly possible. 2.) Know the escape routes. And 3.) Don’t let them smell your fear. It is also helpful to listen to “Eye of the Tiger” or the Mission Impossible theme song prior to departing for such adventures.
The thought of family travel ranks right up there with root canals or your annual “girl” appointment.
Your firstborn was on seven flights before his first birthday, but the thought of flying with two babies is utterly nauseating. The term “carry-on luggage” has a whole new meaning when flying with kids. Packing for a road trip is like a life-size game of old school Tetris. You can’t just grab your toothbrush, hop in the car and leave. Packing for an overnight trip is like packing for a safari. Your car is filled to the brim with two car seats and two adults, not to mention a stroller, two sizes of diapers, several changes of clothes for EVERYONE (because no one is safe anymore), blankets, binkies, snacks, books and toys. The console is overflowing with extra napkins, wipes and boxes of expired raisins. You thought you had a good-sized vehicle, but now you are seriously contemplating a 15-passenger van.
You wonder whether you are literally losing your mind.
It starts with a harmless act of putting laundry detergent in the refrigerator or leaving the water running after you have left the room. Then you leave groceries in the back of the car for hours, forget to feed the dog and walk into a room with no recollection of why you are there. You can’t remember whether you put on deodorant today, or whether you’ve worn it at all this week. You assume you brushed your teeth this morning, but who really knows?!? You finally get a lunch out with a girlfriend and get to have an “adult” conversation. Then you literally lose your train of thought mid-sentence and have no idea what you were talking about.
EVERYTHING becomes an adventure. Getting through an hour-long church service is now a better workout than a P90X “legs and back” video. Between the nursing, shushing, wrangling, entertaining and cleanup, I’m in a full-on sweat by the time we get to communion. Trying to keep the slobber at bay when my tots are munching on hymnals, my skirt or each other is quite a feat. No paper product in a 10-foot radius will live to see another day. If you are really looking for a challenge, try unloading the dishwasher with your toddler around and then see how many things you can get out and put away before he gets them dirty again! You may think you successfully unloaded everything, but soon you will find Tupperware mysteriously placed in your nightstand and spoons in the doggie bowl.
You start to question your parenting ability.
When you had your first child, your life was changed forever, but you eventually got the hang of it. You developed a system for getting out the door on time, got your toddler to sleep through the night—you even managed to get a workout in a couple of times a week. This parenting stuff is a breeze, you thought! You thought you had it all figured out. When baby number two arrives, you realize that you are no longer in control. You can no longer say with any level of certainty, “I will accomplish, X, Y and Z today.” The odds of one of your offspring developing a fever, refusing to eat or having an issue that requires your attention exponentially increases and can completely derail any tasks you had planned for the day. Amidst the chaos, crumbs and slime, there are moments of pure joy where your children literally melt your heart. These are the moments that make everything worthwhile.
Jamie Bosse is a mother of two boys and is a financial planner at KHC Wealth Management in Overland Park.