I slammed the refrigerator door impatiently. Sandi and I had just exchanged words. It wasn’t a fight, not even a squabble, but I wanted something better out of our relationship. Sandi was pregnant with our firstborn and working and she was tired and short tempered. I was working and tired and, confronted with lost patience, responded in kind.
“This is not what I want,” I muttered to myself, and the seeds of a plan sprouted in my mind.
After we had cleaned up from dinner the next night, I asked, “Sandi, would you come into the living room, please?” I had already turned off the TV and dimmed the lights.
“What do you want?” Sandi asked.
“Nothing,” I answered, “just to talk.”
“About what?” Sandi asked, a little suspiciously.
“Nothing in particular,” I said. “Just to talk.”
Sandi relaxed visibly and we sat down and chatted. We talked for two hours that evening, two hours that flew by. I felt closer and more patient with her after our little talk and I noticed that she was more patient with me, too. After about a week, we had another comfortable little talk and, once more, we were rewarded with more patience toward one another and increased emotional closeness.
Both of us noticed this change for the better and we continued these little chats, eventually calling them a Family Visit. After a while, we discovered that a Family Visit about once a week produced astounding results. Like magic, defensiveness, irritability and frustration simply disappeared. We no longer bickered, sniped or became short tempered. Our patience with one another came back. All we had to do was talk to the person we loved, and it was like falling in love all over again.
We developed one rule that still stands: the outside world is not allowed to intrude. Everything electronic is turned off. We don’t make or accept phone calls or texts. Even the lights are dimmed and, sometimes, just the soft glow of a candle lights our faces. We can either face one another or cuddle together in a couch or love seat. We simply get comfortable and open the floodgates. The words just pour out.
We talk about anything, almost always little things like friends or family. The conversation takes on a life of its own as we question, cajole, expound or gently poke fun at each other or ourselves. I watch her face become more animated as we talk and her posture relax, totally at ease in my presence. We have been having Family Visits for more than 10 years now, and they heal me. It is still something that I would rather do with my wife than more passive entertainments where we are separate, although together in the same room.
Recently, on our date night, Sandi asked, “What movie do you want to watch?”
“How about a Family Visit?” I asked back.
Sandi smiled at me and began flipping switches, her face glowing in the dimming light.
Bill Bartlett and his wife, Sand,i enjoy Family Visits in their Belton home.