Toward the end of that third trimester, mothers are pretty uncomfortable, to say the least. In fact, I don’t think I’ve met a pregnant woman who feels amazing (even though she’s excited) during those last few weeks. The sleep deprivation is real. The indigestion is real. The feeling of “I dropped something and decided it’s not worth my energy to pick up” is real. Then, the due date passes, and Mom is left wondering whether there really is a light at the end of this tunnel.
Pretend you’re about to hang out with someone in this boat. You’re not quite sure what to say. Here is your guide for that approach-with-caution encounter.
1. Don’t say, “Start getting extra rest now!”
No future mama wants to hear from well-meaning strangers, friends and family members that she needs to start stocking up on sleep. She knows there is no such thing. When you’re this pregnant, you’re lucky to catch some shut-eye for a good 30 minutes (if that) before you have to empty your bladder again. You’re only able to sleep on your left side. And two more words: leg cramps.
Instead, say something along like this: “You’re probably having trouble sleeping comfortably right now. I bet you’re so excited for late-night snuggles with your baby girl!” This validates her discomfort yet puts a positive spin on it.
2. Don’t say, “Wow, you’re huge!”
All overdue mamas feel huge. They feel it in their souls. They feel it when they waddle to the bathroom after every sip of water. They feel it walking up and down the stairs when they get immediately out of breath.
Try saying, “Wow, you’re glowing!” Another good option: “You might not feel good, but you look great. Hang in there, Mama!”
3. Don’t say, “Can I touch your belly?”
It’s one thing for well-meaning friends, family or coworkers to ask you this, but sometimes people who are practically strangers will ask this, too. The request old and frustrating, especially when hormones have you extra irritable.
4. Don’t say, “You’re so small!”
This can be as offensive or frustrating as “Wow, you’re huge!” Why? Because pregnant women are self-conscious no matter what size they are. I am a smaller person—just genetics—and sometimes the look people gave me when I turned around so they could see my growing baby bump made me feel self-conscious. It was like, “Wow, you don’t even look pregnant until you turn around!” At times it was meant a compliment, which I embraced. But when you’re sore, tired and irritable, it makes you feel like your baby is uncomfortable in there or that you’re an alien. Instead, just say, “Wow, you look great!”
5. “Is this your first?”
Sometimes this comment is just an ice-breaker, but sometimes it feels like unnecessary prying. Depends on the day. But, just in case, try asking, “Is your due date approaching? I bet you’re excited!”
Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, son, daughter and dog.