Hearing your child mutter, “Why bother? I won’t make the team,” or “It doesn’t matter. I can’t get an A,” pains parents. Children today face enormous academic and social pressure, but an attitude of passive resignation isn’t helpful.
Researchers say having an optimistic outlook contributes to people’s being happier, healthier, more successful and less stressed Optimistic folks even tend to have longer lifespans. Optimism is the hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something. So how do we raise our children to be optimistic in a world full of negativity? The great news is optimism is a thinking style that can be learned over time. Follow these tips to help raise your children to be optimistic.
Set the Example
Children model their parent’s behavior, so the first step in raising an optimistic child is to do your best to have a positive mindset yourself. It’s easy to catch yourself thinking negative thoughts throughout the day. I find myself saying things like, “Nothing is going right today,” or “I had a bad day,” around my kids when I’ve had an especially tough day. These negative thoughts model pessimism and will teach your children to focus on the negative things in their day rather than the positives. Next time you catch yourself heading down the negative route, do your best to mention the positives of your day, too. You could say something like, “I was late for work because of the traffic, but I was so happy I still made it to my meeting on time.” Remember, negativity can be contagious, so do your best to always see the glass as half full. Doing so is good for your kids and for your own happiness as well.
Share the Peaks and Pits of Your Day
Every night at the dinner table, each person can take turns sharing the worst part of his day, the pit, followed by the best part of his day, the peak. Make sure each person ends with a high note, so the conversation ends in a positive way. This practice helps your children see there is always a bright side to their day. It also helps them steer clear of letting one person’s negative thoughts take over the dinnertime conversation.
Keep a Gratitude Journal
Every night before bed have your children write down what they were thankful for that day or something good that happened. It could be something as small as the sun was shining after a gloomy week or they got a good grade on a test. Not only does this help kids seek out the positive, but they will catch themselves finding gratitude in these small moments of the day. You might also gain some insight into what truly makes your children happy. You might be surprised how the littlest things can make their day. I also like that writing in their journals leaves them with happy thoughts and positive reflections on their day right before bedtime.
Change Their Perspective
Life is not always going to be easy. Our children will have hard days, but we parents can help them navigate through their problems by simply changing their perspective. My daughter played basketball for one season and did not enjoy it. She came home every day talking about how she was the worst on the team and would never be any good. You can easily flip the script by letting kids know learning new sports can be hard and then reminding them of something you had a hard time learning when you were their age. You can also remind them of something they have mastered. For example, “Remember when you started gymnastics classes? You had such a hard time doing a cartwheel, but you worked hard and now you do amazing cartwheels!” Reframing their negative statements can help them see the potential in themselves.
Praise Their Efforts and Not Success
It’s easy to get in the habit of praising your children when they do something well, like getting the winning goal or scoring an A on a math test. However, it’s important to praise the process and the work they put in rather than just praising a successful outcome. For example, a statement like, “I’m so proud of how hard you studied for that math test,” places the value of their hard work and effort over the outcome of the test grade.
Be Realistic
Parents oftentimes want to build their children up, but we need to remain realistic. Don’t tell them they are the best on their team when, in reality, they are still learning. Instead, let them know it takes practice and hard work to be successful in something. We want to encourage them to put in the effort to get the outcome they want, rather than think everything will come easily for them.
Remind Them Setbacks Are Temporary
When something goes wrong, it’s important to remember setbacks are temporary. If your child gets a bad grade on a test, remind her that if she studies more next time, she will get a better grade. Let her know it’s normal to face adversity, but empower her to make the changes that will result in a better outcome next time.
Let Them Take Risks
As parents, we want to protect our children from getting hurt or failing. However, they won’t be able to build confidence in themselves until they take risks. Comments that discourage your children from trying something new will become negative thoughts that they aren’t good enough to do that skill and shouldn’t even try. When your child tries, practices and succeeds, he will build confidence in himself and, in turn, will feel optimistic about trying and working toward other new goals.
Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters, Atley, 7, and Ensley, 1, in St. Joseph, MO.