“I’m stupid, I can’t do this!” yells your 6-year-old as he attempts to tie his shoes. Tears roll down his face as he kicks the untied shoe off of his foot and across the room. Is this an isolated incident or a sign that a child’s self-confidence could be lacking? According to Ed Christophersen, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Children’s Mercy Hospital and professor of pediatrics at the University of Missouri-Kansas City School of Medicine, “The classic sign that a child has low self-esteem is self deprecating remarks.” As a parent, you are in the perfect position to give your child a boost in confidence and help her grow into a self-assured adult. Here’s how!
Choose Your Words Carefully
While berating your child for doing a poor job may seem like an obvious esteem-breaker, being overly positive may be equally damaging. If your child already feels miserable for her poor performance on a spelling test, she will see right through you when you try to make her feel better with words. Christophersen explains, “You don’t raise self-esteem with your mouth. A child needs to feel that they are doing well.” Instead, practice spelling with your child, as many times as needed, so that she will begin to excel at test time and gain confidence in her abilities.
Sample Activities Together
Fostering self-esteem requires an investment in time for both parents and children. “There is no short cut to self-esteem,” says Christophersen. “We must do things with our kids over and over and over again until they find something they enjoy.” If your son is bummed that he didn’t score a soccer goal all season, allow him to try baseball next time. Or maybe sports aren’t his thing at all, but he enjoys time at the zoo or is thrilled with the dinosaur fossils at the museum. Participate, practice and go along for the ride while he discovers his areas of interest and the activities in which he excels.
Leave Your Comfort Zone
Stepping out of your comfort zone, and into your child’s, is another way to help your youngster grow confidence. When your daughter asks to go to the skating rink, strap on a pair of skates and join her. Never mind the fact that you haven’t been to the roller rink since 8th grade. Your daughter will benefit from being better at an activity than you are. Does your son excel at video games? Ask him to let you play along, especially if gaming isn’t your thing, allowing him to help you learn the ins and outs of his favorite game. “Kids like to do things that mom and dad don’t do so well,” Christophersen says.
Like a garden, a child’s self-esteem must be nurtured and cultivated. Providing the proper atmosphere can allow your child’s confidence to grow and flourish. If you think your child is suffering from low self-esteem, you have the tools required to take action and help your child grow into a confident, self-assured individual.
Your Child May Have Low Self–Esteem If:
- He frequently says, “I am stupid!”
- She gets frustrated easily.
- He avoids new challenges.
- She often says, “I can’t.”
- He seems withdrawn or depressed.
Avoid these confidence crushers:
- Ridiculing
- Nagging
- Pleading
- Yelling
- Berating
Julie Steed is a freelance writer who strives to raise confident children from her home in Leavenworth.