If there is one person on earth who can bring us every gamut of the emotional rainbow—sometimes in the span of less than 24 hours—it’s our mother. No matter what a mother might look like for you (adoptive, biological, grandmother, stepmom or even mother figure), we all need that influence in our life. Our mamas.
I lost my mom to bladder cancer this last summer, only eight months after her initial diagnosis. While coming to terms with this enormous loss, I know nothing honors her memory more than celebrating the things I loved about her the most. This Mother’s Day, do me a solid and tell the mother in your life the things that you appreciate about her too. You can even steal them from me here … I’ll never tell.
Plan like a mother
When I was growing up, three kids in the house meant my family’s life was an endless loop of music lessons, 4-H events, Boy Scouts, choir practice, PTA meetings, medical appointments and summer vacations. The logistical gymnastics executed on a daily basis to keep it all straight must have been astounding. In the days before digital calendars or internet, the difference between a forgotten appointment and an on-time arrival all rested squarely inside my mother’s brain. My friends and I giggled at Mom’s expense as she filled our comically large kitchen calendar with notes, dinner ideas and an occasional “BUY EGGS!” notation underlined five times. Now I have lived long enough to watch myself become exactly like her and truly appreciate the effort she took to wrangle all those schedules. Who’s giggling now?
Defend like a mother
In our home, no one ever once doubted that Mom had our backs. In early elementary school, a boy teased me incessantly on the bus. Eventually, I punched him in the arm and offered a few explicit words of warning to not bother me again. As a result, I received the requisite disciplinary blue slip from the bus driver. The devastation was immediate. How was I going to explain this to my parents? Would this go on my permanent record? Would I ever get into college after this? (Did I mention I was also a worrier?)
Upon seeing my tear-stained cheeks that afternoon, my mom took the blue slip from my hands, marched to the bus and climbed aboard. To this day I have no idea what was said, but the following morning the bus driver apologized and the blue slip was forgiven. Don’t mess with moms. You’ll end up apologizing to her 10-year-old.
Worry like a mother
I mentioned my tendency to worry. There’s no question who passed that trait to me. Mom was an Olympic-level worrier. In fact, she was so good at it that she earned a special nickname from friends and neighbors who would joke about her fear that the sky was really falling. She was dubbed “The Helmet.” It was a moniker she both bemoaned and secretly delighted in.
As much as my mother’s spiraling over worst-case scenarios would annoy us, we all knew it came from a place of true love for her family. Mom—like all mothers—wanted her loved ones’ lives to be beautiful and free of trouble. By worrying about every little detail, she felt she could always be just ahead of the problem, ready to fix it. But that’s not how the world works, is it? In a strange twist of irony, her cancer diagnosis was one problem we never could’ve seen coming and couldn’t worry away. Ultimately, the cancer took her from us, but we’d like to believe it took her worries too. Although if I had to guess, I’m sure she’s still somewhere, worrying about all of us. It’s just what mothers do.
Guilt like a mother
No one can guilt you into submission faster than a mom, and mine was no exception. On Friday nights when I chose to go out with friends, I’d have to first contend with a (very) long sigh and a sad face from my mom. She insisted that it was fine, no harm done. She would be just fine at home tonight with only my dad to keep her company.
I find myself doing this with my own child. I feel the pull of wanting to have every moment I can with him, even if it means he feels that I am quite insane. The love we have for our children is extraordinary—until it shatters us into a thousand pieces. Watching our children grow from needing us every waking moment to only requiring food and a washing machine is tough, and knowing that she wanted just one more minute with me makes me happy.
Fix it like a mother
The most challenging times in my life were mended by my mom. Whether I experienced a crushed heart, a failed test or simply a day gone terribly wrong, she was available and ready. Her greatest strength was reassuring me that this very real pain was temporary and something better was around the corner. On the occasional days when her most brilliant pep talk couldn’t help, she would whip up an Orange Julius and a big plate of nachos (a strange combo, I know) and help the troubles melt away.
Mothers are the ones who take on everyone’s highest highs and lowest lows. They’re oftentimes the ones holding the mental load of the entire family and even themselves. My mom went back to work part time when my brother started kindergarten, and I realize now her responsibilities didn’t lessen because of that. If nothing else, they increased even further, and I don’t know that I ever told her thank you for any of it.
If you’re lucky enough to have your mom around these days, give her a call, even for just a few moments. Think of one thing in your life for which you owe her a debt of gratitude and thank her clearly. She will tell you no thanks are required and she loves being there for you, and she will mean those words. But I promise the smile on her face won’t leave for days.
Four Ways to Show Gratitude for Your Mom Today:
- Look at photos together. Listen to her stories about the images. Hear the pride in her voice as she talks about those good ol’ days.
- Ask for help. Request a new recipe for dinner or seek advice on a problem at work. You don’t have to do what she says, but she’ll be honored to have been asked.
- Really listen. Put your phone out of sight. Have a real conversation, just you and she. It can be about anything as long as you give her your undivided attention. You never know how many more opportunities you’ll have.
- Buy her flowers. She’ll say she doesn’t need them and they’re a waste of money. She is lying.